When One's World Is Shaken
by MoonStarDutchess
Summary: When Riza is assaulted the life she has with Roy is shaken. Can Roy help her through her struggle with all her self doubts?  A request by a reader. Royai- Complete - May be trigger.
1. Prologue: Living a Dream

_**When One's World is Shaken **_

_**Author: MoonStarDutchess**_

_**Prologue: Living a Dream **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**_

_**AN: The overall plot idea came from a very special request I had from a reader that said a story like this would help them. To that reader: I hope that this story will do just that. **_

_**Warning: This contains a VERY Mature Adult Situation and the recovery of that situation. If you aren't mature enough to handle them (most of my readers are though) then you should click the little back button.**_

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**Prologue: Living a Dream **

Riza stood at the stove cooking breakfast when she felt two strong arms wrap around her waist and a kiss being placed on her neck, then her shoulder. After a moment she felt those same lips at her ear and heard them whisper very pleasurable words to her.

"Good morning Mrs. Mustang," the dark velvety voice said. She smiled softly. She could hardly believe those words. She was Mrs. Riza Mustang, the wife of the person that she cared more about than anyone in this world. He was hers and she was his and it was like living in a dream that she never wanted to wake up from.

"Morning," she said, turning her head and letting her new husband place a kiss upon her lips. After he pulled away, she turned back to her cooking.

"It's too early to get up. We don't have to work for the next week Riza. Let's go back to bed."

"I can't sleep anymore today Roy," she said.

Roy nuzzled her neck and kissed it again, his hands trailing down her thighs and up under his shirt that she was wearing. "Who said anything about sleeping?" he said, causing Riza to laugh. She picked up a piece of sausage sitting on a plate and popped it into his mouth.

He frowned, chewed and swallowed the bit of food before his mouth returned to her neck to kiss and nip at it. She reached over, turned off the stove and put the eggs she was frying on a plate. After sitting them on a plate she felt Roy's hand go toward her center, then inside her.

"Roy, stop," she groaned and leaned her head back against his shoulder. She felt her knees turn to jelly, something only he was capable of accomplishing.

He bent down to kiss her shoulder for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Come back to bed Riza," he said lowly. Then she felt him pull his hand away from her body and withheld a groan over the loss of contact. He picked her up and carried her back into the bed room. After depositing her on the bed he bent his lips to cover hers. Between each kiss he whispered that he loved her and how much he wanted and needed her for the rest of his life.

Riza knew that those were much more than just sweet words. She knew that he meant ever syllable he uttered. She felt him lift the shirt she was wearing over her head and heard it hit the floor with a rustle after he threw it behind him. His lips came back to hers and he made love to her slowly and with such ardor that the normally stoic woman whimpered and cried aloud at every touch, every kiss and every move he made as he touched her skin and moved in and out of her body.

Afterward, as he held her close to his chest, his arms holding her there, she felt as if nothing and no one could touch her. And if they were to try, he would be there. She could protect herself and she would protect him but it was lovely to know that he cared enough to take care of her. She'd always longed to feel loved and protected and now she had that and nothing would take that away. . .

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	2. Shaken

_**When One's World is Shaken **_

_**Author: MoonStarDutchess**_

_**Chapter 1: Shaken **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**_

_**Warning: This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. This is written as a request from a reader with the reactions of the victim a part of that request. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes for my state that is. They vary among states and countries. The processes and reactions in this fiction were thoroughly researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault. Thank you to the girls and guy that helped me with this fiction.  
**_

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**Shaken **

"Damn it, don't they realize that I am on my honeymoon. Maybe we should have gone away for it," Roy muttered as he slammed the phone down. Riza was sitting on the couch reading. When she heard the phone slam she looked up.

"Careful of the phone. . . Sir," she said as a joke. Roy smiled softly in remembrance of the man that caused him to slam many phones in his office down. He flopped down on the couch and put an arm around Riza's shoulders.

"I have to go into headquarters for an "emergency meeting" Roy stated, making quotation symbols for the last two words. Riza laughed lightly and kissed his cheek. "I'll walk with you to headquarters. I need to give my something borrowed that I used for the wedding back to Maria anyway. Then I have some shopping to do. What would you like for dinner tonight?"

"You," he said with a grin and kissed her quickly.

"Sex maniac," she teased.

"Only when it comes to my beautiful wife," he replied.

"Sweet talker too."

Roy frowned. "Do you have anymore adjectives for me in that dictionary-like brain of yours?"

"Yes, want to hear them?"

"Shoot," he said.

"Procrastinator, arrogant, lazy," she started rattling off. These caused a frown to appear on his face. He started to protest when she continued. "Sweet, kind, caring, affectionate, self-sacrificing, handsome."

"I like those better than the first set," he said, the amusement evident in his voice.

She kissed his cheek and stood up. "We should go get dressed. I ironed your uniform the other day."

"Aren't you becoming domestic?" he teased.

"One of us has to be or we'd be living in a pig sty."

--

"Headquarters isn't the same without the Lieutenant and General Mustang here. Usually at least one exciting thing happens in the day," an officer said as he leaned against the wall outside of headquarters with a fellow officer.

"Yeah, right now it's downright boring," the other man said.

"Where is General Mustang anyway?" another voice chimed into the conversation.

The two men turned and saw the higher ranking officer before them. "Colonel Sir!" they both said and stood at attention. The Colonel laughed and waved them off. "At ease gentlemen," he said.

"To answer your question sir, the General is off for the week. A honeymoon sir," he said. "I think they are staying in town though due to dangers of traveling at the moment."

"I am an old acquaintance with Mustang and just arrived here. Who did he marry by chance?"

"Oh, he married Riza Hawkeye."

"The sniper?"

"Yes, she used to be a sniper. She's his assistant. When the fraternization laws were dropped from the military rules the two got married."

"I see. I will have to congratulate him when I see him. I think he was called in for the emergency meeting today."

"Well sir, there they are so you can get your chance," he said.

The Colonel looked out and saw Roy Mustang with a very beautiful woman that he had a hard time believing was Riza Hawkeye. The Riza Hawkeye he always knew was a stoic boyish type woman with short hair. He noted how Mustang had his arm wrapped around her shoulder and how truly happy he looked and how she returned the smile he was giving her.

He then remembered he had to get to that meeting soon so he left without as much as a goodbye to his fellow soldiers. He had to do something beforehand that would help make him very happy indeed.

- - -

Riza and Roy walked into headquarters and he kissed her on the forehead. When they heard three "awwws" they turned to see Rebecca, Maria, and Scieszka standing there smiling.

"See you tonight," he said with a laugh.

"All right," she replied and he walked off in the direction of the main meeting room.

"Well, how's the honeymoon going?" Maria questioned.

"Good until he got called here," Riza stated with a frown.

"They sure know how to pick the wrong times don't they?" Rebecca said.

"Oh well, it's to be expected," Riza said with sigh. "Oh, Maria, I came here to return this to you." Riza handed Maria her bracelet that she'd borrowed.

"Thank you but I wasn't in a hurry to get it back," she said. "You could have waited until you'd come back from work to return it."

"I have to do some shopping for dinner anyway so I figured that I would just drop this by."

"And to spend as much time with your hubby as possible," Scieszka teased.

Riza chuckled softly.

"Shopping for dinner! You are turning into a regular housewife," Maria joined in the teasing.

"I would never lump Riza with the world regular. It's almost sacrilegious. There aren't many housewives that can shoot with 98 percent accuracy," Rebecca said. "Though I bet some wish they could."

"I hope that I would never have to use that skill on Roy. I haven't yet so. . ."

"You haven't been married to him up until a few days ago. Things change when you get that ring on your finger," Maria stated.

"Oh and how would you know that? You and Denny have been scooting around the topic for a while now." Riza retorted.

Maria turned her head away to hide the deep blush that covered her cheeks.

"Well, I'll let you three get back to work," Riza said. "See you soon." She then walked out of headquarters and made her way to the market.

--

Riza felt odd shopping for two people instead of just herself. She knew what Roy liked and disliked so it wasn't like it was a difficult task. She wondered if it would feel just as odd if she was shopping for three people. She and Roy talked about children but it was a bit too soon in their marriage to have children. They wanted to wait quite a while, until the time was right. She was only twenty seven and unlike just a few years ago, it wasn't uncommon of women as old as thirty-five to give birth. She didn't want to wait that long but the fact she could was quite comforting.

"Well hello there Miss Hawkeye. . . Oh, its Mrs. now right?" Riza turned to the lady who ran the fruit stand. "Heard you got married? I assume to that young man that you brought here so often with you; the Xingese looking one."

"Yes, we got married a few days ago actually."

"Then what's the name?"

"Mrs. Mustang," she answered while looking through the different varieties of fruit that littered the stand.

"Very nice! Mrs. Riza Mustang. It has a lovely ring to it."

"Thank you. I'll take four apples, three pears, three peaches, and a coconut. I don't remember you ever selling coconuts before."

"I just started a week ago. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts and figured I would sit them in a row," the lady said. "It makes them easier to spot."

"Yes, I agree," Riza stated and got out her wallet. "How much do I owe you?"

"It's on me," the woman answered. Look at it as a small wedding present."

"I . . . but. . ."

"I insist! Humor an old woman will you?"

Riza laughed and nodded. "All right, thank you." She said, taking the bag from the lady.

"You have a good day Mrs. Mustang," she said.

"You too," Riza replied and made her way to purchase some other things for dinner. After she purchased some steak she turned and bumped into someone. "Sorry sir," she said and started to walk away when he caught her arm. She turned and gave the man a glare before being shocked at seeing a familiar face.

"Long time no see Riza," the man said with a slight smile. She pulled her arm away and smiled back. "Philip, I would say it has been a while." The man before her had been the only guy in her life back home that showed an interest in her. They'd known each other in school before her father decided that home schooling would be best for her. Still the two had remained somewhat friendly before she left her hometown for the military.

"Too long, how have you been? I heard that lady call you Mrs. Mustang. You got married to him." The last sentence he spoken wasn't a question but rather more of a statement. He said it in a way that one could tell he wasn't too fond of the idea.

"I did," she said. "And I am very happy about it."

"You know you could have had a better life if you'd only stayed back home."

Riza was starting to get rather angry at the man before her. "You have no idea what kind of life I have. Besides, I had no future there. Now if you will excuse me I have to finish my shopping and get home." She turned away and he grabbed her arm again.

"You are really pushing on my nerves."

"I'm sorry. I meant nothing mean by it. I don't want you mad at me. That's hazardous to my health and well being."

This caused Riza to laugh.

"Let me buy you coffee to make up for it. Remember we used to drink coffee all the time?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't a married woman then," she said.

"I want to buy you coffee not have a tryst. I am sure your husband won't mind that right?"

Riza raised an eyebrow at him. "No he wouldn't but I have to get these groceries home."

"Let me help you then," he stated.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," she said.

"Why? You trust me don't you? You know I wouldn't try anything," he said.

"It's not that," she stated.

"Is it because people will talk?"

"Yes, I can't afford that kind of talk," she stated.

"Oh come on," he said. "I'll just help you until you get to the door. I won't even go inside. That way we can catch up, you get help with your groceries, and people won't have much to talk about."

"All right," she said with a sigh. "You can walk me to the gate of our neighborhood."

"Gate?" he questioned.

"We live in Marks Branch," she stated.

"Whoa, that's quite a community. Mostly military right?"

"Yes, the majority are Generals and such. It has good security so there are a few state alchemists that live there as well."

"I see," he said, taking one of her bags. "Well then, let's get going."

-

Roy sighed as he was the last to leave the meeting room. As he walked through the door someone spoke.

"Congratulations on the marriage sir. Roy turned toward the voice. Roy grinned and extended his had to shake the Colonel's.

"Thank you very much Colonel Holms," he said.

"Congratulations on your promotion as well. I was happy to hear that they reinstated your alchemist certification and your rank as General, sir," he said.

"Yes, thank you for that as well. When were you transferred here? I thought you were still out east," Roy said.

"Today is my first day here," he answered.

"And you were greeted with a meeting like that? Lucky you," Roy said, the sarcasm in his voice obvious as he spoke the last two words of the sentence.

"You got worse sir, you were on your honeymoon right?"

"Yes and as soon as I get this folder of paperwork finished I plan on going back home and destroying the phone line," he joked.

"Can't blame you there, the lieutenant may have destroyed it for you. She's probably not happy about it either."

"No, she isn't. Well, I'd better get to work. These papers don't sign themselves," he stated. "Have a good evening Colonel."

"You too sir," he said and watched Roy walk off. The Colonel grinned and walked off down the hall whistling with a special home address in his pocket that he got from records.

--

"Thank you for the help," Riza said, as she took the bag from Phillip. They were at the gate to the community.

"My pleasure. It was good catching up to you. I am sure I will see you again before I leave Central."

"Maybe," she said. She turned to the gate guard who opened the gate.

"I don't know why you don't take a car Mrs. Mustang. It would be so much easier on you and the General," he said.

"On beautiful days like this? It would be crime," she stated as she walked through the gate. "Besides, its good exercise for us."

"You don't need it ma'am. You are gorgeous all ready," he said. "If I was fifteen or twenty years younger I would have snagged you up long ago," he teased. The guard was always such a humorous and kind man.

Riza smiled softly. "Thank you Gregory. That's very sweet of you to say. You have a good evening. You too Phillip," Riza said.

"Will do," Phillip said.

"You bet Mrs. Mustang," Gregory stated. The two men watched as Riza walked to her home. Philip tilted his hat to the guard.

"Evening," he said and walked away from the neighborhood.

--

Just when Riza arrived inside the house the phone rang. She put her groceries down on the counter top and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Riza, its Roy," a familiar voice chimed over the phone.

"I never would have guessed," she said in a humorous tone then heard Roy chuckle.

"I know you probably just got home but I need a favor," he said.

"What is it?"

"They gave me a bunch of paperwork that's due by midnight. I need that black attaché case in the bedroom. Could you bring it to me?"

"Of course, I'll see you in a little while."

"Thank you love. I love you," he said. Those words no matter how many times he said them always made tingles go up Riza's back.

"I love you too you silly man," she stated and hung up the phone. Silly man had fast become a nickname she had for him.

She went to the fridge to put up the groceries and got out some cold cuts and bread to make him a few sandwiches. She figured he would be rather hungry since he probably hadn't eaten since lunch. After making the sandwiches, wrapping them and returning the ingredients back to their proper places she went and retrieved the attaché case and grabbed the sandwiches. She then left through the door and got into the car, not realizing that she was being watched.

She decided to drive to headquarters this time around since it was getting dark and really wasn't safe to be walking the streets at the moment. The crime rate in Central had increased and while she could take care of herself she didn't' really want to have to shoot anyone. She pulled out of the driveway and drove down to the gate where the new guard on duty opened them.

"Have a good evening," he said. "And be careful."

"I will, you too Travis," she replied and made her way to headquarters. After getting out of the car, she walked up the steps and inside, and then made her way to the office where she knew Roy was working.

Roy looked up from his work when he heard the door open. He smirked and laid his pen down when Riza entered. Riza smiled and walked over to him, laying the case and a brown paper bag down on his desk.

"What's this?" he questioned, opening the paper bag.

"Some sandwiches. I figured you would be hungry," she said. He smiled and grabbed her by the waist and pulled her on his lap. He then kissed her softly and sensually.

She pulled away and smiled softly at him. "You have all of this to do?" she questioned, looking at the stack of paperwork on his desk.

"No, all of that is finished. Just this folder her but they are long reports that just can't wait," he said, with a groan.

"Want me to wait for you?" she questioned.

"No, you don't have to do that. You can go home and get some rest."

"It's dangerous walking at night," she said.

"I'll take one of the headquarter cars home and we can bring it back tomorrow. That is unless I finish in the morning. Then it will be day and I can walk home," he said with a sigh.

Riza frowned. "Get home before dawn. I'll leave you to your work so you can do just that," she said, standing up. She pecked him on the cheek before leaving the office and a frowning Roy behind.

The drive home took longer than normal due to traffic. Everyone was now heading home as well and some idiot always had to go and hold up traffic. This time it was an idiot who ran a red light and hit another car. Riza tapped her steering wheel as traffic slowly began to drift forward. The normal twenty minute drive turned into an hour long wait then a twenty minute drive. She was relieved when she went through the gates where she lived and pulled into her driveway.

After getting out of her car and locking the door she walked upon the front porch to find that the door to the house was wide open. The rooms were dark save for the pole light drifting through the red curtains casting a menacing glow upon the room. She took out her gun, cocked it, and stepped inside. She kept her guard up as she slowly walked through the entrance area of the house, her heels clicking slightly against the hardwood floor. She 

slipped them off and crept into the living room, being careful not to hit anything that would make a noise. She did the sweep of the living room just as she would if it was a military situation. After being satisfied that the room was clear she proceeded down the hallway where she now could hear Black Hayate barking. From the way his bark was echoing, it sounded like he was in the laundry room beside the kitchen. She walked in the kitchen and over to the door of the laundry room when she felt horrible stab of pain shot through her hand causing her to drop her gun. Her eyes widened when she saw a kitchen knife sticking out of the top of her hand. She was then forced against the door roughly her face pushing roughly against the white wood. Her arms were twisted around her back painfully and she felt the knife leave from his place in her hand to the floor, it clinking as it hit.

"Who are you!" she said, struggling violently. "Let go!" She felt horrible, how could she be so stupid to have let this happen!"

"That's no way to greet an old friend Mrs. Mustang," the man said.

Her eyes widened at the voice. He wouldn't do that! It couldn't be happened. What did he want with her?

"Are you. . ." she started to growl when he felt a pain cut through her neck. He bit her! He bit her on the neck! She started to struggle even more when she was pulled back only to be slammed against the door this time. Her body racked in pain but she wouldn't let her attacker know that. She had to figure out a way to get away from him. She felt the attacker trail his lips down her neck as she continued to struggle. "Stop it! What in the hell do you want!"

"Bet you never told Mustang to stop when he did this to you?"

"She managed to stomp his foot causing him to loosen his grip a bit. She managed to move back before she was hit back against the door then spun around violently before hitting the side of the countertop where the dishes were stacked in a drainer. The glasses shattered cutting her. He took her head and pressed it against the shards, cutting her face. Riza struggled violently but it was to no avail.

"What do you want!" she screamed, trying to lift her head.

"I want what Mustang has and that starts with you!" he said. She felt her dress being pulled up and her panties being ripped off of her. His hand trailed up her leg and she froze for a moment. She couldn't let this happen! She couldn't but damn it to hell she was so scared she couldn't move!

"Please stop it!" she finally let the plea in her voice out. "STOP!"

"What? Are my hands not good enough to touch you Lieutenant Mustang? All right, don't say I never did anything nice. You won't feel a thing and I'll get what I want!" With those words, her world went black.


	3. Medical Procedures

_**When One's World is Shaken **_

_**Author: MoonStarDutchess**_

_**Chapter 2: Medical Procedures **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**_

_**Warning: This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. This is written as a request from a reader with the reactions of the victim a part of that request. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault that were kind enough to help me with this fiction. Please get proper medical help if you have been assaulted in any way. **_

_**AN: I used modern procedures in this story. Such as the use of a rape kit and I describe the things done in detail.**_

* * *

**Medical Procedures **

Roy pulled into the driveway of their house behind the car that he and Riza owned. After locking the car door he walked upon the porch. Much to his surprise the door was wide open and he could see the faint glow in the hallway indicating that the lamp in the kitchen was on. Fear shot through him and he quickly pulled on his gloves and rushed inside. The house was so cold and a menacing aura radiated throughout it. He heard Hayate barking and made his way to the kitchen. He turned toward the door to the room where Hayate's yelps were coming from but spun around when he heard a crash behind him. He poised to snap but then terror shot through him at what met his eyes.

Riza was sitting against the cabinets, clutching her dress close to her front, covering her naked body as much as possible. Her forehead was resting on the fists that clutched the dress and she was shaking. Glass was scattered around her and she had cuts all over her body. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened. Anger shot through him at the realization of the events that had taken place but he repressed it. The most important matter at hand was helping his wife. His feelings would have to wait.

He took a small step toward her and spoke her name softly.

"Stay away!" she snapped, trying to scoot back further against the cabinets.

Roy slowly ventured another step toward her. "Riza, love, it's me. It's Roy."

She slowly raised her head to look at him. Her eyes were bloodshot and so cold and empty. It appeared as if she was merely a hollow vessel of a person that once had everything but then that everything was taken away. Her face was littered with small cuts and the skin around her right eye was a horrible purple color. Her lips were bloody and swollen. Her hand was bleeding horribly, staining the dress where she held it.

It took all the willpower Roy had within him not to lash out over the events. He had a hard time relaxing and making sure that Riza didn't see this anger in him. He didn't want her to think he was angry with her over what had happened.

He took another step towards her, trying not to scare her by approaching too quickly. As he did so he ran the procedures for this situation through his head. First he needed to take her to the hospital to get those wounds taken care of. Then they would probably want to do blood tests and a rape kit. That word made Roy cringe inwardly. He never thought that words could actually make a bitter taste come to one's tongue but with that word he was proven wrong.

He finally got close to her and whispered, "You know I won't hurt you. It's me, Roy, your husband." He took off his coat, sat it on a chair and then extended his hand towards her. He was shaking ever so slightly as she stared at it for a minute, her body not changing positions.

Riza gazed at the hand, studying the red symbol on the glove. Her eyes widened when she realized that it was indeed her husband before her and not the man that assaulted her.

"Roy . . . I'm. . . I'm sorry," she finally said. "I'm sorry."

Roy's eyes widened at first but then returned back to normal as he knelt down in the floor with her. His knees hit down on the shards of glass but he could care less if they cut his skin. The woman before him, the love of his life, had far deeper scars. She let go of the dress and slowly moved toward him. He took her in his arms and held her tightly against him for a while. He breathed slowly, trying to get her to relax.

"There's nothing to apologize for love," he said, stroking her hair gently. "We do need to get you to a hospital though, all right?"

He felt her nod against him. He grabbed his coat, draped it over her shoulders, and stood up with her. Her legs were shaky and he wasn't sure if she'd be able to stand on her own so he picked her up and carried her over all the shards of glass scattered around the kitchen floor. Instead of putting her down in the hall, he carried her to their bedroom. "Let's get you dressed in something warm," he said.

"Hayate, let him out of that room," she said in a tone that almost sounded robotic and preprogrammed.

She pulled away from him and barely managed to make it to her dresser. She got out a brown sweater and long skirt and began changing slowly as Roy left the room and made his way to the laundry room where Hayate was locked. When he opened the door Hayate scurried past him and left the kitchen. Roy knew the dog was going straight to Riza. He walked over and picked up the dress she was wearing during the rape. The bastard who did this was going to pay dearly for his actions. Once again Roy repressed his anger. He wadded up the dress, put it in a bag, and made his way back to their bedroom. When he walked in Riza was sitting on the bed, stroking Hayate behind the ears.

"You ready to go?" he questioned. Riza gazed up at him and nodded. He walked over to her to help her stand but she stood without him.

"I can walk. I . . . I'm not helpless," she said and slowly stood. Her knees gave way and he caught her. He could still feel her body shaking as much as it had when he first held her.

"Let's go, I'll help you," he said.

"No you don't have to," she said.

"I want to," he said.

She looked at his face and finally nodded. She didn't want his help, she didn't want to need him but she did and it killed her. She was supposed to be helping him! She was supposed to be taken care of him, not the other way around! It wasn't right! It just wasn't right!

He led her out to the car after locking the doors to the house, making sure the crime scene would remain untouched. There was no way the man who did this to her would return. If he did then he was an idiot. Then it struck Roy; he never asked Riza who did it. He looked over at his wife who was now sitting in the car with Hayate, petting him and staring off into space. Upon seeing the expression on her face he decided to delay that question for a bit longer. Now wasn't the right time.

He jumped in the driver's side and pulled out of the drive way, the tires of the car screeching against the blacktop. He turned on his emergency flashers and made his way down the road.

Apparently the guard at the gate noticed the flashers because the gate was already opened so Roy could go right on through. Roy glanced at Riza occasionally as they made their way to the military hospital. She was now huddled slightly against the car door, the far off look that she had in her eyes was back and she was still absently stroking Hayate's fur.

Roy pulled into the hospital parking lot and went over to the other side to help Riza out of the car. Hayate didn't have to be told that he wasn't allowed in the building and that he would have to stay in the car. He leaped onto the back seat and lay down obediently.

"Good boy Hayate," Roy said, and shut the car door being sure to keep the window's rolled down slightly for Hayate.

They went into the hospital and made their way up to the front desk in the emergency room. The nurse recognized Mustang and Hawkeye instantly and stood immediately when she spotted the cuts and bruises all over Riza. She knew Hawkeye from the academy and knew the sharpshooter's reputation for being tough. Something really horrible had to have happened for the woman to be in that kind of condition. She wasn't the type to get injured like that.

"This way," the nurse said, leading them to an empty room. The emergency room at the military hospital stayed pretty quite for the most part. Most of the residents of Central went to Central Regional Hospital in the middle of the city. She gave Roy the proper forms to fill out and smile softly at Riza. "I'll go get Doctor Cather." She then told Riza to change into the gown on the table. Riza did so and then took a seat on the examination table as Roy sat down on the seat beside her. He took her uninjured hand in his left hand and started to fill out the forms with his right.

"For once I don't have to annoy you into doing paperwork," she tired to joke. However it failed to make her laugh. He smiled softly at her before squeezing her hand and finishing off the proper forms. He knew from experience that the doctor would fill out other places in the form. He sat the clipboard and pen down on the table beside him and sat back in the chair.

He gently stroked her hand and brought it up to his lips to kiss it. It caused a very small smile to appear on Riza's face but as quick as it appeared, it disappeared. She pulled her hand away from his and rested them on her lap, much to Roy's surprise. He started to say something about it but the doctor walked in.

Doctor Cather was an old friend of the two and that was a comforting thought among all the mad thoughts that were dominating the minds of the couple. Roy noticed how the doctor stiffened when he saw Riza's condition. He closed the door to the examination room and smiled softly at Riza who didn't return it.

"What happened?" he asked. It was evident that his concern ran further than the concern of a doctor toward his patient.

Riza looked up at him. "I was . . . attacked and. . ." She just couldn't get the words out. As much as she tried they wouldn't leave her mouth. That couldn't have happened to 

her. It just couldn't have happened! Roy stood and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He handed the doctor the bag with her dress in it.

"Here's the clothing she was wearing during the. . . " Roy felt Riza tense up so he didn't finish the sentence. What she didn't know was he didn't think he was capable of saying the word aloud. He was furious that someone would have the audacity to assault his wife!

Fortunately they didn't have to speak anything else. The doctor understood instantly what happened. "I see," he said. "Riza," the doctor said softly, "We'll need to do a rape kit but we need your permission. You need to have an HIV test done as well but the choice is up to you."

"Do what is necessary," she said.

The doctor nodded. "There's something else. You need to make a decision on whether to report it."

"I. . . I don't know," she said. Roy was surprised at her response. He figured she would instantly want to report what the bastard did. He was even more surprised over her next words. "I was knocked out when it happened. I remember hearing his voice but for the life of me I can't remember who it was." The way she spoke had both a painful and angry tone to it.

Knocked out! Roy yelled mentally. Someone knocked her out and raped her? How could someone be that low and sleazy? Then again, how could someone be so dirty to rape anyone, no matter what the circumstance was?

"It wouldn't make much sense to report it," Riza added. She looked down at her lap. "No one needs to know," she said. Roy wanted to protest but it was her decision. As much as he wanted to find the bastard if Riza wasn't comfortable reporting it then he would go with her decision.

"We can take samples and do the kit then hold them. If you ever remember who did it or if you decide to report it anyway then we can compare DNA. Would you like for us to do that?"

"I would remain anonymous?" she questioned.

"Yes," the doctor answered.

Riza nodded her head. "Let's do that," she stated.

"All right, I'll get a nurse to do the kit after we take care of that hand, that eye and those cuts."

"Do you need me to leave?" Roy questioned. Riza grabbed his jacket, surprising both him and the doctor.

"It's not necessary," the doctor answered.

"Don't go," Riza said. Roy looked in her eyes and they were pleading, almost fearful. He smiled and kissed her forehead gently.

"I'll stay," he said.

The doctor nodded and proceeded to stitch up Riza's hand. He stood and faced Riza. He got out a small pen light and shined it in her eye. "Look to the left," he said and she did so. "Now look to the right." Once again she followed his direction. "Look up," he said and examined her eyes in that position. The doctor then clicked the light off and put it back into his coat pocket. It's just a simple black eye. An icepack on it will bring down the swelling and you should rest it as much as possible.

She nodded and he walked over to the table get some antiseptic to clean her cuts. He cleaned the cuts on her face and arms but when he got to her legs she tensed up. The doctor stopped what he was doing and called for the nurse. He knew why she tensed and wanted Riza to be as comfortable as possible.

An old nurse came into the room and smiled sweetly at Riza and Roy. "Please continue cleaning the cuts and do the rape kit on Mrs. Mustang," the doctor told her.

The woman nodded and the doctor left the room. The nurse continued to clean the cuts along Riza's legs where the doctor left off. She then stood and looked at Roy then Riza.

"Do you wish for your husband to be here during the rape kit procedure?"

Riza turned to look at Roy, who was still holding her close to him. "Only if he wants to be," she answered. "Do you?" she questioned him.

"Do you want me here?" he asked.

She looked down at her lap. "Only if you want to be. I don't want you to stay against your will."

Roy's eyes widened at the words that she spoke. How could she think that he could ever be there against his will?

"I'll stay with you through everything," he said.

The nurse smiled softly but it quickly faded. "First I will have to take some pictures of you."

Riza tensed up but nodded. Roy scooted out of photograph range as the nurse took close up and distance shots at varying angles of Riza. "This is for documentation of injuries," she explained when she noticed Riza's questioning look. After doing this she picked up a clipboard. She looked at Riza and wrote down the injuries explaining what she was doing so Riza and Roy would understand why this was needed. Surprisingly most people knew about 

the kits but weren't familiar with the process. Many didn't feel a need to know details about them.

As soon as that was taken care of the nurse proceeded to get out a syringe and some vials. "I need your permission to withdrawal some blood to test for things like HIV and pregnancy," she said.

"I told the doctor to do whatever is necessary," she said.

"Very well," The nurse replied. She handed Riza a form. "I'll need you to sign this consent form giving us permission to do the HIV test."

Riza nodded and signed it. The nurse sat it back on the table. After putting on her gloves she gently took Riza's left arm in her hand and tied a tourniquet on the upper part of the arm, tight enough to let the median cubical vein, bulge up. She cleaned the area with an alcohol swab. She patted the vein gently and examined it, and then with a quick prick of the needled she began to fill up several vials. She then withdrew the needed at the same angle in which she inserted it and then applied gauze to the patient's wound. "Hold that there until the bleeding stops," the nurse said.

Riza nodded and did as she was told.

The nurse took the dress that Roy brought out of the bag he put it in and put it in another more sterile bag. She then turned to Riza. "I am going to need to examine your vagina area and take some swabs. I'll also be looking for any pubic hair and bodily fluids your assailant may have left. I'll need to take some of your own hair from that area and from your head as well.

"My head?"

"They are used to differentiate your hair from your assailants."

"Oh, I see," Riza said.

"You need to lay back and spread your legs, all right?"

Riza nodded but hesitated in laying back. Roy walked over, sat on the table and let her lean back against him. He smiled softly and stroked her forehead gently as the nurse proceeded to take swabs and collect hair from her feminine areas.

"You may sit up now," she said. Riza did so and instantly missed Roy's scent. It was odd to miss someone's smell but his had been so comforting to her that the loss almost made her tear up. The nurse took some scissors over to her and took a few small snips of the end of Riza's hair. She stuck these in a small container and put them with the rest of the items she gathered.

"When was your last tetanus shot?"

"Around a year ago," Riza answered.

"All right then," the nurse said, scribbling notes down on the clipboard. She looked back up and noticed a mark on Riza's neck. "Is that from the attack?" the nurse asked, walking closer to Riza. "He bit you on the neck, we didn't catch that," she said. "It was hidden by your hair."

"I didn't realize it was there. It's not hurting at all," she Riza said.

The nurse got a swab and took it over the bite before cleaning it and putting a bandage over it.

"We need to do a more thorough pelvic exam then upon clearance from the doctor we can let you go," the nurse said.

Riza nodded and let the nurse follow through with the exam, Roy holding her against him the entire time.

--

As Riza was changing back into her clothing the doctor asked to speak to Roy out in the hall. Roy kissed Riza on the cheek and walked out to speak to the doctor.

"I wanted to give you this," the doctor said handing him the card. Roy looked down and read the card. "Her name is Doctor Lawson; she's one of the best psychologists in Central if not Amestris. I don't think Riza will want to go right away. It will take time before she's ready to talk to a psychologist or therapist of any kind, however; you should go as soon as possible," the doctor said.

"Me?" he questioned.

"Unfortunately I have dealt with so many cases of sexual assault. In most of them I find that if the spouse, boyfriend, or other close family member goes to a therapist then it helps them better deal with the incident. It helps them get the help they need and in turn they can better help the victim. Riza's emotions will be jumbled. She may even lash out at you and others that she loves. You need to deal with your emotions so you can deal with hers. "

"I understand," Roy said, looking in the room at his wife who was now sitting on the table waiting for him.

"Roy, you also have to remember to take care of yourself physically. Eat right, exercise, find some way to relax and take out your frustrations. You won't be any good to her unless you are in top shape," the doctor said.

"I'll remember that," he said.

"Riza seems to be rather clingy to you right now. You relax her. I see this in victims as well. Your bond is strong enough to where she probably won't ever push you away because you are male."

Roy turned to the doctor, his eyes wide. "That happens?"

"I've seen it a lot. You saw how she tensed up around me and I've known her for years. Sometimes the victim pushes the opposite sex and sometimes everyone else away. They are afraid of being hurt. Riza has already displayed that she's uncomfortable around me so she most likely will be around men. For the first few weeks be sure not to leave her around any men without you there with her. Even if there is a woman present or if the men are close friends of hers. Don't leave her alone. Doctor Lawson can tell you more about what you can possibly do."

"Thank you Doctor," Roy said. He truly appreciated everything the doctor did for him and Riza. The man was an angel, if such a mythical being existed.

"I'll sign the discharge papers and you can take her home," the doctor said.

Roy nodded and walked back into the room. Riza's eyes looked into his and she tried to smile. All her efforts to do so were futile as the only thing she managed was a small crinkle of the lips.

"You ready to go?" he questioned.

She nodded and jumped down from the table. Roy took his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. She clutched it tighter to her and breathed deeply. He cautiously put an arm around her shoulders and when she didn't shy away tightened his grip slightly.

He led her out to the car after signing the discharge forms. He guided her to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her. She got in the car; he shut the door and he got into the driver's side. He stuck the keys in the ignition and started the car.

"I don't want to go home," Riza said suddenly. Roy looked over at her and nodded in understanding. She didn't want to go back to the place where she was assaulted.

"You want to go to your grandfather's house?" He asked her.

"Yes," she said. "I want my grandfather." Roy gazed at her for a moment. She had her legs up in the seat, the seatbelt on, and she was clutching his coat close to her. She reminded him of a child who was afraid of the dark.

"All right, we will go to your grandfather's house," he said and pulled out of the parking space. He was extremely happy that Grumman now resided in Central.

"We will have to tell him what happened won't we?" Riza brought up on the way there. He glanced at her quickly before directing his focus back on the road. He was so confused on what to say to her.

"Yes, we will," he finally answered.

"Will you tell him for me?" she questioned, her voice cracking slightly. "I don't think I can."

Roy nodded. "All right, I'll tell him," Roy said, willing his own voice not to crack.

It stayed quite the rest of the drive there. The sun was coming up indicating that they'd spent the entire night at the hospital. Roy pulled up to the gate of the neighborhood where her grandfather lived. The guard instantly recognized him and opened it, letting them through. Roy pulled the car into Grumman's driveway beside his car. Roy looked over at Riza and saw that she was sleeping peacefully. He got out, walked to the door, and rang the doorbell.

He was expecting Grumman's maid to answer it so when Grumman himself answered he was quite surprised.

"Roy my boy, what brings you here this time of morning?" It was then that he saw how tired Roy looked. "Damn, my boy you look like death warmed over."

"Riza and I . . . we need to stay with you for a while."

"Of course my boy," Grumman said without hesitation or question. "Where is Riza though?"

"She's sleeping in the car. Something happened sir. As soon as I get her to bed I'll tell you everything."

A concerned look crossed Grumman's face and he nodded. Roy went to the car and opened the back door for Hayate so he could get out of the car. Hayate ran and used the bathroom near a tree, before coming back to wait on the sidewalk for his masters. Roy opened the passenger side door and unbuckled the seatbelt that secured Riza. He picked her up in his arms and shut the car door with his foot. When he carried her up to the door of the house Grumman's eyes widened upon seeing condition of his granddaughter. He stepped to the side to let Roy in the house.

"You can put her in the room where the two of you always stay," Grumman said.

Roy nodded and carried her up the stairs. Grumman closed the door and followed him, Hayate trudging behind as well.

He watched as Roy took off her coat and laid her on the bed. He covered her with a light blanket and started to move away when Riza grabbed his arm in her sleep and said his name.

"Get some sleep my boy, you can tell me what happened later," Grumman told him.

Roy nodded and Grumman shut the door to the room behind him. He reached down and scratched Hayate between the ears. "Let's go get some breakfast boy," he said.

* * *

Roy crawled on the bed after taking off his shoes and lay down beside Riza. She snuggled into his embrace and he could feel her shaking. He began to gently stroke her hair and she stopped her tremors. Soon he too fell into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

**AN: Next chapter: **_**Conflicting Emotions**_


	4. Conflicting Emotions

_**When One's World is Shaken **_

_**Author: MoonStarDutchess**_

_**Chapter 3: Conflicting Emotions **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**_

_**Warning: This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. This is written as a request from a reader with the reactions of the victim a part of that request. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault that were kind enough to help me with this fiction. Please get proper medical help if you have been assaulted in any way.**_

* * *

**Conflicting Emotions**

Roy awoke instantly when he felt Riza grab onto him tightly. He looked down at her and saw that she was struggling in her sleep. Her bangs were plastered to her forehead by the sweat that had formed on her pale skin and her lips were blood red from biting down on them roughly. He sat up, taking her with him, and called her name to wake her. She kept her eyes shut tightly as she pulled away from his embrace and punched him. She quickly moved back against the headboard, her eyes still clinched shut. After a few moments, she began to slowly open her eyes but they soon widened upon seeing Roy's face.

For a full minute she sat there watching as Roy took a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed at the small trace of blood along the side of his mouth, the result of her punch. Her hands flew to her mouth and she shook her head. She stood from the bed and started to leave the room but Roy grabbed her wrist. She gazed down at his hand and then looked at him. He could feel her body trembling, which he'd sadly been expecting. "It's okay," he said. He looked into her eyes trying his best to convey through his dark gaze that everything was all right.

"I hit you," she said. "I . . . hit you!"

Roy got off the bed and embraced her. "Its all right, it's all right!" She pulled away from him roughly.

"Damn it to hell it's not all right! I hit you but I couldn't hit the bastard that attacked me! Why couldn't I hit him? Why didn't I fight him more?"

Roy took a step toward her as she took a step back. "I don't know how you could stand to touch me so please just don't. I don't need your pity, I don't need to be babied," she said.

"I'm not trying to baby you Riza I. . . "

"Please leave me alone," she said, looking away from him. She saw but a glimpse of the pain that crossed his face as a result of her words but as soon as she said it she realized it was for the best.

Roy realized that maybe it was best he leave her alone for now. Maybe he brought back too many horrible flashbacks for her. "All right, but I will be back soon. I am going to go get us some clothes and things from the house." Riza nodded but didn't say anything. Roy moved to kiss her on the cheek but she stepped back.

"Please don't," she said with a pleading tone.

Roy nodded and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. Riza walked back over to the bed, sat up against the headboard, and brought her knees up to her chest.

She needed him to come back. By god she needed Roy to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her he loved her. She didn't deserve that though nor did he deserve someone like her. He didn't deserve someone that let herself be raped. He didn't deserve someone that didn't fight hard enough. She was too careless and put herself in that position. What good was she to Roy now? If she couldn't protect herself she couldn't protect him. If she made such poor judgment in that circumstance then who was to say she wouldn't make a poor judgment down the line that may result in his death? He needed someone more dependable and it was just a matter of time before he realized that and left her.

He would soon realize that he didn't want a wife tainted by someone else. That he didn't want a dirty woman whom another man had touched, had fucked and that probably had his way with her in other ways that made her want to vomit.

She loved him so much that she didn't want him to go through life with the shame of a wife that had been raped. With that event her entire world came crashing to the ground destroying everything. Her entire world revolved around Roy and now it was shattered. An attempt to piece it back together would be an unattainable goal. She stared down at her hands and the wedding ring that was on her ring finger. She thought that ring would mean that only Roy would have her forever. What a lie and it was her own fault that she discovered that lie.

- -

Roy walked down the stairs and toward the front door when he heard General Grumman call his name. The General was supposed to be at work and Roy voiced his surprise as he walked in the room.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"You expect me to work after my granddaughter has been raped?" he questioned Roy almost fell over in surprise at the General's words.

"How did you know sir? Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"Because Riza was asleep and you were the walking dead. You still don't look much better Roy

"That still doesn't explain how you know about . . ."

"Unfortunately I've seen women in the state Riza was in far too many times, clinging to a loved one in their sleep, beaten up, but mostly it was the look in your eyes Roy. I could see the fury in them. I was a husband once, I know that look. And I know it takes a lot to put that look in your eyes."

Roy nodded and sat down in the chair across from Grumman. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "I don't know what to do for her. She said she wanted to be alone so I left. But by god I didn't want to leave her there.

"She probably needs that time alone," General Grumman said. "But we all need to be there for her when she does want to talk about it. We need to keep calm and level headed for her sake. No matter how much I want to castrate the bastard that did that to her we can't let our anger show through."

Roy agreed with him but damn it was hard not to curse the bastard aloud when he looked at the condition Riza was in. "I'm always going to be there for her sir," Roy said.

"I know that and I'm sure she does as well. Now, when's the last time you've eaten anything? I'll have the cook fix both you and Riza something."

"Don't you want more information sir?"

"Later, when you are better rested up," the General said. "For now you need to eat."

"I can pick something up on the way home," Roy said. "I need to pick up some clothes and things for us."

Grumman nodded. "You can't let yourself rundown," he said. "You won't be any good to anyone if you do."

"I'll grab a bite on the way back here," Roy said.

"Very well, I'll have the something fixed for Riza then. Any suggestions?"

"Her favorite thing to have is fresh fruit," Roy said.

"I think we can manage that."

Roy and Grumman stood and walked over to the door. "I'll be back soon," Roy said and left the house. Grumman watched as Roy got into the car and pulled out of the driveway. He stayed out on the porch until the car was out of vision and frowned. That boy was blaming himself for what happened. Riza had told him several times that Roy had a tendency to shoulder the blame for every bad thing that happened even if the circumstances were far beyond his control. This was one of those cases. He knew that even the spouse of a sexual assault victim should see a psychologist. He hoped Roy would do that very soon. He couldn't help Riza without first helping himself.

After calling the cook and telling her what to fix he walked back into his study, grabbed his gun, and went to his private range to let off some steam. Three boxes of bullets later he was still mad as hell.

- -

Roy drove down the road, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles and hands were turning red. He kept his focus on his driving the best he was able but part of his thoughts were obviously smoldering with anger. He arrived at the gate to the neighborhood and Gregory tipped his hat to Mustang. "Afternoon sir, is everything all right?" He questioned as he opened the gates. "You spun out of here like a bat out of hell last night."

"Afternoon Gregory, everything's fine," Roy lied. He drove through the gate and to his house. His legs felt heavy as he walked up to the porch, unlocked the door, and walked inside their once lovely home. The home that he and Riza worked so hard to make a comfortable haven for the two of them was now merely a distressing structure of wood, nails and stone.

Roy trudged up the stairs and decided to take a shower and change before going back to Grumman's place. Besides, a shower might relax him diminutively. After his shower he got changed into some clean clothing and packed some clothes for both he and Riza before making his way down stairs, the shower doing nothing to relax him. He sat the bags beside the front door and realized he needed to get Hayate's flea and tick medication and his food bowls from the kitchen.

He looked at the doors that lead to the room and his heart beat increased. As he took a step closer he could feel his anger escalating. He finally stepped in the kitchen and grabbed Hayate's overturned bowl, then paused. Finally his anger got the best of him and he chucked the bowl across the room, it hit a picture on the wall and the picture crashed to 

the floor. Every little bit of anger coursed through his body as he kicked the table holding the lamp causing it to turn over and the lamp to fall with a crash.

He sank down against the wall and looked over at the picture that fell. He realized it was one of many copies of their wedding picture. He stood, walked over to it, and picked it up. He gently took the broken glass out of the frame and stared at it with a smile. He realized that he did indeed need to get help right away. This anger he showed here in the kitchen was the tip of the iceberg of the anger he was currently feeling. If he didn't do something he might let Riza see this anger and that wouldn't be helpful to her in the slightest.

He picked up Hayate's bowl and took the dogs medicine out of the cabinet. He carried them to their bags and sat them there. Then he put the picture in his suitcase. He would get a new frame for it on the way back to Grumman's place. He walked over to the phone and took a card from his wallet. Picking up the phone, he dialed the number on the card and waited.

"Doctor Lawson's office."

"Yes, I. . . I would like to make an appointment with Doctor Lawson," Roy said.

"Certainly sir, give me your name and when a good time would be for you and I will see what we have available."

Roy frowned. It sounded like he was making fucking reservations. He withheld the temptation to hang up and kept telling himself that he was doing this for Riza's sake.

"Roy Mustang and as soon as possible," he gritted through his teeth.

"Oh, Mister Mustang; we were expecting your call. Doctor Cather told us you might contact us.

"Yes, he recommended you," he said.

"Well, we have an appointments opened at 1pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Will that be good for you?"

"Yes, that would be fine," he said.

"Very well, we will see you tomorrow afternoon all right?"

"That's fine, thank you. Goodbye sir."

"Goodbye," he said and hung up the phone.

He then grabbed the bags and took them out to the car before coming back and locking the door. He got in the car and drove away from the community that he no longer considered home. He stopped to grab a tiny bite to eat and buy a frame for the picture. He then went back to Grumman's house.

As soon as he pulled into the driveway Grumman came out the door and helped him with the luggage. He would have protested but knew the old man was strong as an ox and extremely fit.

"How's Riza?"

"Roy, we found her fast asleep. She was sitting against the headboard. The maid put her down in bed. I think you need to go rest with her for a while. That way you'll be there when she wakes up."

"Yeah, you are right," he said. He stopped before he ascended the stairs. "I made an appointment with a psychologist."

"That's good," Grumman said. "I spoke to mine today as well."

Roy nodded and walked up the stairs with their bags. He arrived at the door and put one down so he could open it. He then picked the bag back up and entered the room. He could barely make her form out on the bed thanks to the dark curtains that were blocking out the light of day. He sat the bags in the closet, closed the bedroom door. He then proceeded to take off his shirt and shoes, removed the items from his pockets, and crawl onto the bed. He stroked the bangs out of her eyes and kissed her forehead before lying on his back and falling asleep.

--

Riza awoke a few minutes later and felt a presence at her side. She looked over to see Roy sleeping soundly. She reached over gently and stroked the dark circles under his eyes. Pretty soon he would tire of her and leave her to herself. She kissed him softly and whispered that she loved him. She crawled off the bed and went over to the couch in their room to lay on it. It wouldn't be good for Roy to wake up in the same bed with a woman like her. He only lay in that bed because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. She took the blanket that was on the couch and covered herself with it before curling up and going back to sleep.

--

Roy woke up and looked to his right to see that Riza was gone. He sat up in a panic but then he heard whimpering. He looked over to see that Riza was asleep on the couch and apparently dreaming. Was she that afraid of him? Did she think that he was the rapist? Either way, her sleeping there on that couch wasn't going to happen. He walked over and picked her up then deposited her back on the bed. He then went over to the couch and laid down on it. If she was uncomfortable sleeping with him then he would sleep on the lumpy piece of furniture until she was comfortable with him again.


	5. Feelings

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 4: Feelings **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. This is written as a request from a reader with the reactions of the victim a part of that request. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault that were kind enough to help me with this fiction.**

* * *

**Feelings **

The next time Riza woke, she was surprised to find herself lying on the soft bed and covered with a warm blanket. She sat up slowly and wondered for a moment how she came to be resting there. When she'd gone to sleep, she was on the couch in the corner. She then realized that, obviously, Roy must have woken up and placed her back in bed without her knowing it.

She shuddered at the thought of not knowing what was happening as she slept. It was a bit disturbing that Roy was able to move her so easily as she rested from the world around her. Usually, she would have awakened at any sudden movement that occurred in her vicinity. So why didn't she this time? What if the man who raped her caught her as she slept? He would commit those vile acts all over again and she wouldn't be able to stop him. She'd be weak, just as she was back at her house.

She closed her eyes and willed herself not to think about the things that bastard did to her after he knocked her out. She saw herself being pushed against the door and almost heard that familiar voice that she couldn't place say those nightmarish words to her once more.

Her eyes shot open and her breathing sped up. She raised a hand to her chest so it rested directly over her heart. She felt it thumping vigorously; it felt as if the organ was attempting to impress itself into the calloused skin of her palm. It hadn't beat with such cadence since she found Roy lying on the steps of the fuehrer's mansion. Riza knew she had to calm herself or the flashbacks to both that night and the night of her violation would come to her. While it was true that she failed Roy both times, she didn't want to have the memories play in her head like a reel of film. She proceeded to take continuous, deep breaths, attempting to stave off any recollections she could potentially have. Eventually, and much to her relief, she was able to do so.

She began fully taking in her surroundings with her 20/20 vision. Her eyes roved to every nook and cranny, she looked at every single door to make sure none was ajar in the slightest. The only door that was open was the closet door. Her eyes examined inside the closet checking for any dark shadows that may move. When she was satisfied that nothing was there, her gaze went down to the two suitcases. She reasoned that Roy had gone to the house to get some of their things.

She took her gaze away from the dark closet and over to the windows. A dim white glow lit the room through the cracks between the draperies. Due to the intensity of the light, she hazarded a guess that it was morning. Glancing at the clock, she noticed that both the hour and minute hand were stationary in a straight ascended position. The quiescent second hand was evenly position to the right, at the three.

Getting off the bed, she stood and walked closer to the clock and paused two feet from it. Her eyes never left it as she stood there in complete silence gazing at the hands that stayed at their respective positions. It was as if everything in her world had stopped. It was as if everything in the world were centered on whatever actions she took next. What she did next would indeed break the anxious stillness in the room. However, it would be impossible to change her world outside. No matter what went on around her, her world was frozen to that kitchen in the home that was no longer a home.

She was brought out of her thoughts by a knock on the door. She turned her head toward it but made no move until the second knock. Walking over to it, she clicked the light switch on the wall, illuminating the room in harsh yellow light. She squinted her eyes, letting them adjust to the light, before she finally opened the door. As expected, her grandfather was standing there smiling at her. The smile radiated the same love that it always had. She assumed that Roy hadn't told him exactly what happened yet otherwise that smile would be of pity; or, maybe he wouldn't be smiling at all.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

Riza moved to the side without a word and he entered. He couldn't help but note how she turned as he moved past her. She closed the door behind her and she gave him a small smile.

"Sorry I haven't been a good guest," Riza said, leaning against the door. She suddenly shot up and moved to lean against the wall beside the door. The gesture didn't escape Grumman's keen observance.

"Don't worry about it Riza," he replied. "No apologies are needed."

"I see," she said and looked down at the floor. This mere action disturbed Grumman even more than he already was. Riza always met someone's gaze when speaking.

"I came to see if you wanted to go shooting," he said to break the uncomfortable silence.

Riza's eyes looked up to his face. "Shooting?"

"Yes," he said, "After breakfast." Grumman's gaze looked over to the window then back at her, "Or in this case, more like lunch."

"I'd like that," she said. "I just have to clean up a bit."

"Very well," he said, "I'll be waiting in the dining room for you."

"All right," she replied and watched as he opened the door, then left the room. Grumman closed the door behind him and sighed. That wasn't exactly how he wanted the conversation to go. He wanted to get her to open up, even if it was ever so slightly. Perhaps he could get her to talk a bit more while they were shooting. However, from that meeting he discovered a few things that would help him and Roy a bit with making her comfortable in the environment surrounding her.

Riza retrieved her suitcase from the closet and opened it. She smiled at Roy's clothing choices for her. They were all clothes that he knew she was most comfortable wearing. Then she realized that she had no clue where Roy was or what he was doing. Fear shot through her slightly, what if he'd already left her? What if he'd been going out with other women all along? He had been staying late at the office before the incident happened. She suddenly felt incredibly guilty for thinking that he would cheat on her. She started to remember why he now had a reason to do so; but, as soon as those thoughts came, she dispelled them. She tried to fill her mind with wonderful memories. She didn't want to worry her grandfather by being morose. She wanted to enjoy some time with him before he found out what a failure she'd been.

She grabbed some clothes from the case and went into the bathroom. She would put her clothes in the drawers later. She and Roy would most likely being staying with her grandfather for quite a while. She didn't want to set foot back in their house for a long time, if ever again.

After sitting her clothing on a small table beside the sink, she proceeded to undress and throw her clothing into the laundry hamper. She turned on the shower and tested the waters with her un-bandaged hand. After she was satisfied with the water temperature, she slowly took off the band-aids stuck to her face and neck. She left the bandage on her hand where it was. She would just have to keep it out of the water. After depositing the dirty bandages in the trash can, she turned toward the shower but stopped as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the full-body mirror hanging on the wall.

She wanted to pull her eyes away but no matter how much she desired to do so, she couldn't. She reached up with her uninjured hand to touch the bruised area around her eye. She looked horrid. With her fingertips she traced the outline of the blue and moss colored skin, cringing when she applied a bit too much pressure on the area. How could Roy stand to look at her like this? How could anyone stand the sight of her? Her eyes lingered down the reflected version of her form. It was littered with various size cuts and bruises. Upon seeing this, she realized just how hideous she was and was finally able to turn away. She grabbed a towel and covered the mirror before stepping under the spray of the warm shower, forgetting about the bandage on her hand. She cranked up the hot water and tried to rid herself of the image of her reflection.

--

When Roy walked into the psychologist office his first instinct was to make a 180 degree turn and make his way back outside. He'd never told anyone his problems, thoughts, and feelings before. Well, he had, but those people had been Maes and Riza. Maes was dead and talking to Riza about this would be out of the question since she was the main reason he was here. He wanted to help her through her trauma as well as he possibly could. He hoped Doctor Lawson could help him with that.

"May I help you sir?" The woman at the desk questioned.

"Yes, my name is Roy Mustang. I have an appointment."

The secretary looked through the appointment book and smiled. "Ah yes, Gail was the one that made the appointment for you. Doctor Lawson is with a patient right now but the session is almost over. You can have a seat over there and she'll be right with you."

Roy nodded, walked over to the chair she directed him to, and sat down. The secretary occasionally shot him a flirty smile but he didn't return it. He was jaded to such things since he now had the woman that was everything he desired.

Roy sat there taking in the entire atmosphere. The décor and lighting of the office made him feel very uneasy and he couldn't figure out why. The office was everything that he expected an upscale psychologist office to be. There was nothing anomalous about it; at least, nothing obviously so.

The room was lit with several lamps that were emitting a soft yellow glow. He could tell that they had deliberately been position in strategic locations of the area for maximum efficiency. If that wasn't enough light, then two wide windows with sheer, tan drapes over them fulfilled the job. The walls were paneled with dark rosewood and a red carpet adorned the floor. A few paintings of landscapes hung on the wall but the colors were a bit dull and did very little to make the office more cheerful. He supposed the office wasn't really supposed to be cheerful but a bit more color may have made things a bit more comfortable.

His eyes roved over the room constantly as he tried his best to think of what the room reminded him of exactly. After running various things through his mind, it came to him. The room reminded him of one of those planning rooms at a funeral home. Before his thoughts took more of a negative turn, they were interrupted by the sound of a door opening. He looked up to see a young man and older women emerge.

"I'll see you Thursday," he heard the woman say. The man nodded and left the office. The woman looked over at him and offered him a small smile. He stood as she walked over to him.

She had short black spiky hair and a mole on her right cheek. If he didn't know better, he would say she and Maria Ross were related. She had a pleasantly plumb build and was as tall as he was. He was relieved that she was so normal looking and not like the psychologists he pictured in his head.

"Mr. Mustang I presume."

"Yes, that's right," Roy replied.

"I am Doctor Lawson. Please come into my office."

Roy followed her and she shut the door behind them. He was relieved slightly at the atmosphere of this room. It was much more comfortable than the waiting room. It was paneled very similarly but the lights were much brighter and the paintings on the wall were more colorful. Behind her desk, the wall was cream colored, which also brightened the space significantly.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see the doctor smiling at him.

"Please sit down," she said, guiding him over to two chairs. He was greatly relieved that he didn't have to lie down on the couch. Then again, perhaps laying on the couch was just one of those various stereotypes associated with psychologist visits.

She sat down across from him and smiled. "What can I do for you?"

When he heard this question, his mind went completely blank. He didn't know how to say what he wanted exactly. He ran possible ways to tell her through his mind and came up with nothing.

"Well, I" he started then stopped and took a deep breath.

"Take your time," she said calmly.

Roy took another deep breath. "I want to help my wife," he said. It was simple but it was the best way to covey his needs. "She was raped and I want to help her through it."

The doctor leaned back in her chair and smiled softly. "First of all, tell me what happened. You must know that to help you and your wife I have to know more."

"I understand that," he answered. "All I know his he assaulted her, knocked her out, then raped her. She's stated that she knew the voice of the man but she says she can't remember who he was. She can't place the voice. That's all I know about it."

"Where were you at this time?"

Roy cringed slightly at that question. "I was at work. I assume it happened after she got back from bring me a case I needed."

"I see," the doctor stated. "First of all let's get to the root of your problems."

"My problems?"

"To be able to help your wife you must first resolve your own problems caused by the rape. If you aren't stable you can't hope to assist your wife." Roy nodded and hung on every word the doctor told him.

"First of all, tell me, how did you feel when you found out about your wife's rape? Tell me what went through your mind?"

"Well, first I felt abject terror," he said. Riza is so strong so to see her huddled against those kitchen cabinets. To see her bruised and cut was. . . " Roy trailed off as his voiced cracked. "I'd never been so scared in my entire life."

"Then what?"

"Then my brain just went into an automatic mode. My focus was making her as comfortable as possible and getting her to the hospital. I tried to stay calm there for her as well. The anger was almost too much to contain but I managed."

"Anger toward her?"

"No, of course not," he said.

"Anger toward the rapist?"

"Yes," he said.

"How about anger toward yourself? Are you experiencing that?"

Roy looked surprised at her words. That was something he was going to leave out yet she saw right through him. She was a professional so it shouldn't have surprised him.

"Yes, anger toward myself," he admitted.

"You feel guilt?" she questioned.

"Extreme guilt," he said.

"What else?"

"Sadness, helplessness," he said. "I feel like a helpless child."

"Elaborate on your feelings. Tell me more about them."

"I am angry that the bastard did this to her. He had no right to come into a place we worked so hard to make a home and do this to my wife. I am angry that I wasn't there for her and she had to go through all of that," he said, his voice elevating in pitch. "I should have been there for her. As a husband, I should have protected my wife. I failed her doctor. I don't deserve to have someone like her. All these years she's protected me and when she needed me to protect her I couldn't do it."

Roy felt tears coming to his eyes and tried to fight them off but couldn't. This doctor was so easy to talk to and he felt guilty for letting his emotions go in front of the woman. He felt a hand on his and he looked up to see her with a small and slightly sympathetic smile. "Just let go Mr. Mustang. Continue on."

"I keep picturing the time when I found her there sitting in that floor with that look of fear on her face. I can't even begin to realize the terror that she must have felt. I . . . I keep asking why it had to happen to her. We've been through so many difficulties and the fates, if there are such things, decided to throw more shit on top of us. I feel helpless to help her. There's nothing I can do to take away her pain and I can't go back and stop what happened." By this time, tears were pouring out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He took out a handkerchief and wiped his eyes. "Sorry," he apologized.

"For crying? Mr. Mustang, it happens to many husbands when they come to see me for circumstances like this. It just shows how much you truly do love your wife. There is never any shame for a man to cry, despite what society dictates."

She let go of his hand and sat back in her chair.

"You were correct in saying that you can't take her pain or stop what had happened. However, you've taken the first steps to helping her already. You are getting help for yourself. You need to understand that your feelings are normal. You aren't childish or weak for feeling the way you do. You don't know who did it but if you do find out, it is important for you not to act out your anger or make threats to the perpetrator. He can take legal action if you do so. At this time your wife needs all of your strength and support."

"I understand," Roy said.

"There's not a lot you can do to help her get over the pain. It is unavoidable and can take years to work through. I must tell you that the assault and its ramifications will always be a part of your lives. There's no changing that. However, there are some things you can do to help the both of you cope with this."

"What are they?"

"First of all, be patient and always open for her to approach you on the subject. She will express her feelings and tell you more about the incident when she feels ready to. Let her make her own decisions so she doesn't feel overprotected. Encourage her to trust her own judgment and let her know that you trust her instincts and judgment. "

"I've always trusted her instincts and judgment. That won't change because of what happened. I've been keeping a distance somewhat, giving her space when she wants it."

"Though that can potentially be good, be sure to take your wife's personality into account. You need to realize that she may feel that she is burdening you. She needs you but she may pull away if she feels like she is causing you intense worry."

Roy was shocked at that revelation. Riza was just the type that would do such a thing. She never wanted to worry him. "She's like that," he admitted. "She does tend to think of herself last in every situation."

"Then you need to communicate clearly with her. Make sure she understands that you don't think of her any less than before the incident. Communication and patience on your end is essential. Share your feelings of anger and grief. It may be helpful for her to hear that you feel the way you do. Just make sure you don't do it in an incredibly strong way or she may shy away. If she allows it, hugs, small kisses, and holding hands, small things like that, communicate volumes. Ask her what she wants and needs. Let her know that she has your unconditional love and support and that when she needs you, you will be there."

Roy was committing every word she spoke to his memory. He'd never thought about the things the doctor was saying. He was just going to give her space, he never thought about her pushing him away thinking it was for his own good.

"Mr. Mustang, there is something else I need to bring up concerning your sexual relations with your wife," she said. "She may refrain from sex for a long period of time. This is normal and most of the time, temporary."

"Doctor Lawson, may I be blunt with you now?" he questioned.

"Of course," she said.

"Sex is the last thing I am concerned about."

The doctor smiled and nodded. "Sadly, it's often the first question I get asked. Instead of sexual contact try doing other things that you both enjoyed before the attack."

The woman glanced at the clock then back at him. "Our session is almost up. I feel as if you have a lot more you need to work through in depth. I would like you to begin sessions every Tuesday and Thursday," she said as they both stood and walked to the door.

Mustang nodded. "I think I need them," he said.

"Also, Mrs. Mustang should come with you when she feels she is ready. Counseling is an important part of her recovery as well."

Roy nodded. "Thank you doctor Lawson," he said, shaking her hand then leaving the office.

* * *


	6. Undeserving?

_**When One's World is Shaken **_

_**Author: MoonStarDutchess**_

_**Chapter 5: Undeserving? **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**_

_**Warning: **__**This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault that were kind enough to help me with this fiction.**_

_**AN: Thank you to S92 for reading over this and helping me out. Thank you so much for your input on emotional responses and the other matters that we discussed. You brought a lot of light to this issue for me.**_

* * *

**Undeserving? **

After finishing her shower, Riza dressed and made her way downstairs. Each time her footsteps echoed throughout the lobby to where the stairs descended. Finally, she had to stop and move over to the carpet in the middle of the stairs to cause the echo to cease.

She walked into the dining room where her grandfather sat, going over some files. He instantly put them down when she walked in and smiled. "Marcie, Riza's here. You can serve lunch now!" Grumman spoke loudly.

Marcie, Grumman's maid, soon came through the door with a tray. On it sat two bowls of a steaming substance. She sat the bowl in front of Riza and smiled. Riza didn't meet the older woman's gaze, which caused her to look at Grumman questioningly. Grumman shook his head, wordlessly telling her not to ask. She walked over and sat the other bowl in front of him. She then left the room and came back carrying a tray with fresh bread and butter on it. After sitting that down, she left the room and didn't return.

"Well, shall we?" Grumman questioned, motioning toward the food.

Riza smiled softly as she watched her grandfather begin to eat. She was hungry herself but really didn't feel up to eating anything. Her gaze shifted to her own bowl of soup, or more accurately, clam chowder. She stared at the food for quite a while concentrating on the pieces of pink clam poking up from hiding among its glutinous and creamy counterpart. One could pick the pale pink out distinctively among the milky substance. They could just spoon it out and expose it completely. Then obviously destroy it when it was eaten.

She glanced back over at her grandfather who was eating and reading a file at the same time. She smirked inwardly. That must be where she got the characteristic. She remembered that her father never could do both. She wasn't sure about her mother of course. He was her only living relative- save for Roy of course- but he was her husband, not blood relation. She didn't want to worry her grandfather, and by not eating, she would indeed be doing that.

Riza picked up a piece of bread from the tray put a bit of butter on it and took a bite. She ate the entire piece then took another from the large basket. Though Marcie was the maid she also made most of the baked goods that were served and was very very good at it.

Grumman looked from his work and saw Riza buttering a piece of bread but not bothering to touch the chowder. He didn't say anything to her about it. If all she wanted was bread then he would leave her be for now.

Riza looked over at the seat across from her. Normally, Roy would be seated in that very spot. It was a bit unnerving that he wasn't there. This was the first meal in a long while that she hadn't eaten with him around. Well, if you can call what little she ate a meal.

"Grandfather, where's Roy?" she questioned.

"I think he should be the one to tell you where he went. He should be back later in a while."

Riza nodded. "All right then," she said.

Riza ate another piece of bread as Grumman finished off his chowder. Before he could start another topic of conversation, Marcie came in carrying another tray. She sat it down on the table and smiled widely. Grumman looked at the food item on the plates and was surprised. "Chocolate cake? You made chocolate cake?"

"Yes, that I did," she said.

Grumman looked over at Riza. "She never makes food this good when we aren't here."

Riza smiled slightly, knowing this was going to get on Marcie's nerves. Sure enough, the woman scowled and started muttering words in her native tongue that were obviously less than flattering.

She took Grumman's soup bowl and replaced it with the plate that held the chocolate cake.

"You are lucky that I can restrain myself to keep from quitting and smashing this in your face," Marcie said.

"And you forget that I can fire you," he retorted.

Riza watched the exchange with slight amusement. She knew that Marcie would never quit working for her grandfather and her grandfather wouldn't ever fire Marcie.

Marcia strolled over to take Riza's bowl but gasped when she saw Riza hadn't eaten any soup. "Riza, you haven't eaten anything."

"Yes I have," Riza replied. "I ate some of your bread. It was as wonderful as always." " Aww, thank you dear," she replied. She raised her chin and glanced over at Grumman. "Maybe if I got more compliments you'd get better baked things."

Grumman took a bite of his cake and a sip of coffee. After putting his mug down, he glanced at her. "I'll stick to your lousy stuff then," he remarked.

Marcie began speaking in her native language once again as she took Riza's bowl and gave her cake. She then proceeded to walk out of the dining room.

Grumman laughed aloud and looked at his granddaughter. "I shouldn't get her riled up but it's too damn funny."

Riza just nodded and took a bite of the cake. Even if she didn't feel like eating, it would be a crime against nature not to eat Marcie's chocolate cake. She winced at the wording her thoughts chose and then cleared her mind. Grumman saw her wince but chose not to ask her about it.

--

After lunch, they grabbed some guns and went out to the range Grumman had behind his large home. For a while, they didn't speak a word, merely taking turns shooting at the targets positioned different distances away. However, the silence wasn't by choice, at least in Grumman's case. His problem was trying to think of the proper thing to say to her. Normally, they would shoot and talk about main events of their lives. Obvious that wouldn't be a good topic of conversation at the moment. If they didn't' talk about that then he was usually teasing her about having him some great grandchildren. Once again, that wouldn't exactly be the epitome of a good conversation choice.

He watched as she took aim and fired, the bullet hitting the bulls-eye. He was surprised when she frowned and narrowed her eyes. "I'm rusty," she muttered. "I need to practice more."

Grumman was surprised at the comment. Riza was an excellent shot all the time. When he'd first seen her shoot, he was amazed at how incredibly talented she was. "What do you mean rusty? You hit the bulls-eye."

"I am nowhere near the middle of the bulls-eye," she said. "That won't do."

"You are too much of a perfectionist Riza dear," he said, the amusement evident in his tone. "Your mother was very much the same way. What I knew of your father, he was as well correct?"

"One needs to be. One mistake and your entire world can be shaken. . ." Riza stopped speaking, raised the gun, and fired once again, hitting near the same spot as the previous shot. "Shit," she cursed, "Just not good enough."

"You can't blame yourself," Grumman said, knowing that she wasn't speaking only about the shot she made.

"Why not?" she questioned and fired the gun, not even bothering to look at her grandfather as she spoke.

"It wasn't your fault it happened," he said, raising his gun and firing at the same target, hitting in the area around the bulls-eye.

"I should have been more careful," Riza said, firing her rifle and hitting near her other shots. She cursed herself for being off yet again.

"You didn't know that it was going to happen," Grumman said. Though both knew what they were talking about, neither would come out and speak on it directly. Both felt more comfortable talking this way.

"I shouldn't have been so foolish to go in there," Riza replied, shooting and this time hitting in the yellow zone out from the red. She was surprised that the shot went so far off the bulls-eye. She mentally screamed at herself for being so stupid, for not being accurate enough, for not using better judgment. "Poor judgment," she spoke aloud. Grumman looked at the place her bullet hit then looked at her. She was staring straight at it, seemingly lost in concentration.

"You are military Riza. Your first instincts are always what you go on. It tends to come automatically when you have been in the service as long as you have."

"Then my instincts suck," she said bluntly. She raised her gun and fired hitting the yellow area once again. Grumman watched the gun shake as she shot. Once again, she never even bothered casting a glance in his direction. "It's your turn."

Grumman nodded and raised his rifle to fire at the target, hitting in the red zone but far from the middle of the red circle. "They don't, as you say, suck. What happened wasn't because of an instinctive error."

Riza reloaded her gun and fired again. This time to Grumman's shock, she missed the target completely, the bullet instead going into the bale of hay on which it was attached.

"I fucked up," she said in a tone that was one part self-accusatory and one part pain-filled. The way he spoke was so different from Riza's normal tone that it broke Grumman's heart.

Riza kept her gun poised at the target and her eyes glued to the gun's sight. He took in her appearance, her stance and posture was perfect and her gaze was steady but something was so off in her hazel eyes. The woman before him was almost like a complete stranger.

He'd been around other women who'd been through the same thing as Riza, though obviously the circumstances were different. In addition, as expected, the reactions differed greatly. However, his feelings now were a quite different from what he was feeling for those other girls. While he cared greatly for the women that served with him when they were going through the range of emotions, it was different when it was blood. He could now identify with the families of those women and he wished that he couldn't. He wished he could take away the pain that his granddaughter was going through. He wished there was some sort of alchemy that could transmute away all the self-loathing that she carried for herself.

He winced with each shot as Riza began firing all the bullets from the rifle in as rapid a succession as possible, missing the target with every shot. The bullets hit the ground around it kicking up small puffs dust that lingered for just a moment before fading. She lowered her gun and just stared at the area. "What a failure."

He heard her click the safety on the rifle. Then she reached it to him, her gaze remaining focused on the target several yards away. He took it, quite confused as to why she was handing it back.

"Grandfather," she said.

"Yes?"

"I never want to touch another gun. It's useless with me. A gun's use is only as good as the person who wields it." Grumman's eyes widened and a look of extreme shock appeared on his face. Though they were tools to kill and she regretted using them for such, the art of shooting itself had always been something Riza enjoyed. He then scolded himself for momentarily forgetting that she was going through so much and this was just a phase of her emotional recovery.

"You are just having a tough . . ." Grumman didn't know how to finish the sentence. He didn't have to though. Little did he know that the simple unfinished sentence would open up an emotional release in Riza.

"Just what? Go ahead and say it," Riza snapped with a tone that sounded so alien coming from her. "A tough time? Yeah, you are damn right I am having a tough time!" she yelled at her grandfather. She wanted to stop herself but something just snapped and it was as if her emotions had taken control of her body completely.

"I put myself in that situation! How can I protect Roy if I have such bad judgment! How can I help my husband with such horrible instincts? That showed me that I am worthless! A piece of trash."

"Riza-" a voice said.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, turned and slapped the person who touched her. She was shocked when the man turned out to be Roy. She backed away shaking her head. "I'm sorry. . . I hurt you again!" She started to run but he grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. She struggled at first to get away, memories of being pressed against that door still prevalent in her mind. However, as soon as she smelled his scent she relaxed and gripped his shirt in her hands. She leaned her head against his chest and took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry," she said again her voice muffled by the cotton garment. Roy stroked her back gently and kissed the top of her head. He could feel her body trembling horribly.

"It's okay, it's okay," Roy soothed.

He looked at Grumman with a worried look. As expected, the only man's look mirrored his own. Grumman motioned his head toward the house, silently telling Roy that he would leave them alone. Roy nodded and watched as the man walked back to the home. He then directed his head down to kiss the top of Riza's once again.

"I'm sorry," she said to him yet again.

"There's nothing to be sorry for love. Nothing at all."

She raised her head to look at him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I failed you," she said, with such angst within her words.

Roy raised his hand to her face. "No you didn't. You didn't fail me at all."

"You should just leave me alone. I. . ."

"Is that what you really want?" he asked.

Riza tore her gaze away from his. "I-I need you but I can't ask you to stay with me..."

"Why is that?" he questioned, trying to get her to talk a bit more. She just shook her head giving him no answer. She didn't want to speak about it anymore for now. He knew that it would take much time before she would open up with all of her feelings and he would wait until she was ready to do so.

"Riza, I am always going to be here with you. When you are ready to talk, no matter where we are, I will be there to listen. I love you more than anything in this world and I will help you all I can."

Riza didn't understand. She racked her brain to try to figure out why such a wonderful man would still want her when she was such a failure and so filthy. She met his gaze once again and tried to smile. He grinned back and she saw all the love he held for her in that gaze of his. She leaned up and kissed him very gently the brush of her lips against his lasting only a few seconds.

"I love you too," she whispered and hugged him tightly. Maybe with him she could recover from this, maybe she would someday be able to come to grips with this horrible event that shattered their lives.

* * *

**AN: Next chapter coming soon. **


	7. Hold Me

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 6: Hold Me **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault that were kind enough to help me with this fiction.**

* * *

**Hold Me **

Roy and Riza made their way back to the house slowly. They walked hand in hand up the small hill and up to the door. Riza suddenly paused at the door and looked down at the ground.

"What's wrong?" Roy questioned.

"I spoke so horribly to my grandfather. I've never yelled at him before like I did at the range," she said in a small soft tone. Roy stared at her a few moments. The way she looked reminded him of a child that had a fear of being scolded. Of course, he didn't think Riza was afraid of a scolding. It was more a feeling of guilt for snapping at Grumman the way she did. In addition, he figured there was some fear that Grumman might not forgive her for it. He knew Riza knew her grandfather wouldn't act like that but in her current state, she wasn't really thinking all too clearly.

"Riza, your grandfather understands," Roy stated simply.

"Still, I want to apologize to him," she replied.

"Of course," Roy said. He led her into the house as Marcie was coming out of the kitchen.

"Well, Roy Mustang. You missed lunch, what do you have to say for yourself?" she teased, putting her hands on her hips. She was a Xingese woman and instantly took a liking to Roy when she'd first met him. Roy was fluent in her native tongue, which was a rare skill in Amestris and well, Roy could charm the skin off a snake if he wanted. She treated him like a son having no family herself.

Roy, not being close at all with his family, had her sit where his mother would have been at their wedding. Riza found them both rather amusing and was quite entertained when they began speaking in Xingese even thought she couldn't understand a word of it. It was usually when they were in an argument or taking pot shots at each other.

Roy chuckled. "I was doing something more important," he said.

"Shin toa cototto falax tishi?" she snapped a bit angrily and in a tone that indicated to Riza that it was a question. Riza looked at him for a translation.

"She asked me if I've eaten yet," he said. "Well, she more like snapped at me."

"And have you eaten?" Riza asked him.

"No, I haven't."

"He even skipped breakfast this morning," Marcie said.

"Koroto Shikaka," he snapped at the woman.  
Riza laughed. She knew that phrase. It meant tattle tale."

"Go eat something," Riza said.

"But. . ."

"I need to go talk to my grandfather anyway," she said.

"Listen to your wife and get your butt into the kitchen," Marcie said, and went back through the doorway.

"I'm not really that hungry," Roy muttered.

"She has chocolate cake," Riza said.

"Okay, maybe a bit hungry," he replied at the mention of Marcie's chocolate cake. Riza laughed at her husband then just suddenly stopped. Roy looked at her with concern. "You all right?"

"Yeah, it's just . . . that felt so foreign," she said.

"What did?"

"Laughing," she said.

Roy lifted a hand to her face and smiled. He started to open his mouth to speak when she hugged him and muttered that he should go eat. She pulled away and made her way to the study where she knew her grandfather was.

Roy smiled as he watched his wife walk down the hall. A hand reached out from the kitchen doorway and grabbed his ear, pulling him in and speaking in a scolding foreign language.

--

Riza was nervous as she approached her grandfather's study. She looked inside to see that he was sitting on the soft couch reading a book. The study was a relaxing place. The walls were a lovely pale blue and the trimming was a pale peach. The fireplace was bright red contrasting the colors yet at the same time complementing them wonderfully. The furniture was very casual and arranged in a very cozy way.

She smiled when she remembered that this was the very room where she'd first met her grandfather. She felt the same nervousness now that she felt at that time so long ago. She was seventeen at the time and wanted to enter the military academy. Since she was under eighteen, she needed a relative's signature on the form. She knew her grandfather was General Grumman and the only living relative that she knew, so she went to see him. Hoping he would sign the papers and let her go in peace.

He hadn't been what she'd expected. With the way her father had talked, he was an unreasonable unfriendly man who had no personality or love for anyone. When she came face to face with him, he was nothing of the sort. She walked through the door and he just stared at her. He stood walked over to her and much to her surprise, hugged her.

He signed the papers as she wanted and insisted that she stay there with him until the academy opened up. They'd grown close and learned that he was absolutely nothing like her father described. She never bothered asking why her mother had been estranged from him, instead focusing on the relationship she had with him.

She banished the memories from her head. She had other matters than needed done that were more important than a walk down memory lane. She stepped inside the room, took a deep breath, and walked over to him. "Grandfather," she said. He looked up and smiled softly. He put his book down on the side table and patted the seat next to him. She returned the small smile and sat down beside him.

"Don't apologize, there's no need for it."

"But you didn't deserve for me to snap at you like that. I shouldn't have gone off like that."

"You are going through so much Riza. May I be frank?" Riza nodded. "You are going to go through much more than that little emotional incident. I want you to remember something very important though."

"What's that?"

"Roy and I will be here when you are ready to talk more in depth. I love my granddaughter more than anyone in this world and if you haven't figured it out, you are Roy's entire being."

"I just don't want to bring you two more stresses and troubles."

"You aren't trouble Riza. Besides, when we are in trouble or feeling bad, what do you tell us?"

"That I will help you if you want and need it."

"Right," he said.

"Thank you grandfather," she said and hugged him. Grumman smiled and squeezed Riza tightly. He felt wetness on his shoulder and merely stayed silent and still, letting her release the pain she was feeling.

--

That night after taking her shower, Riza wrapped a towel around her body and dried her hair with another one. She looked in the mirror at her face and cringed. The black eye was still very noticeable but the colors had changed from the initial black to yellow and greenish type shades. The bruise around the bite mark on her neck was fading much quicker. She tore her gaze from her awful looking face and glanced down at her hand. The bandage needed to be changed but it would be very difficult for her to do so with only one hand.

She sighed and walked into the bedroom to get her nightgown. She looked up quickly when she heard the door to the room open. Her heartbeat increased slightly with a bit of fear running through her body. Her heartbeat slowed and her fear departed when she saw that it was Roy who entered the room. She scolded herself brutally. Who else would it have been? She was safe here in her grandfather's home. No one knew that was where she was staying other than Roy, her grandfather, and her grandfather's staff.

Roy closed the door behind him, looked at her, and offered her that sweet smile of his that always made her heart leap in her chest. She was relieved to see that the look on his face held no pity for her. It was the same loving smile that he'd always given her.

As he gazed at her, she suddenly realized her state of undress and an odd feeling of disgust ran over her. She couldn't let Roy see her like this. She looked horrible! She pulled her towel up a bit higher trying to cover much more than what the towel allotted.

Roy noticed her tense up and took a few steps toward her. "What's the matter?"

"I don't want you to see me like this," she said honestly.

"Like what?" Roy was greatly confused at what she meant.

"Half naked," she said. "I'm -ug- ugly"

Roy reached up to touch her upper arm and pulled her gently to him. "You aren't ugly," he said in a soft whisper. "You're beautiful."

She wanted to believe him but she felt so disgusted with the way she looked that she just wasn't comfortable with him seeing her wearing so little clothing, for now at least. She pulled away from him, quickly grabbed her favorite silk nightgown and robe from the closet, and then went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Roy stared at the door for a long while, a part of his mind absently studying the wooden patterns carved in it while other part was focused on just how different Riza was now. She had never been ashamed of being undressed in front of him. He knew the reason behind the shyness but it still, obviously, disturbed him greatly. He would have to talk to her about this among the other things when she was ready to talk. Until then he would continue to reassure her that he loved her and thought she was beautiful no matter what. What happened didn't change the way he looked at her and he would continue reiterating that to her until it became an imbedded thought in her mind.

Riza leaned against the door for a moment, thinking about what she just did. She used to love Roy's obsidian gaze staring at her, taking all of her in, but now she felt as if she was destroying his gaze. Her mind yelled at her for the way she'd just conducted herself. He was her husband and had a right to look at her if he wanted. That was the way she felt and that hadn't changed. She felt that while she belonged to herself she also belonged to Roy. Every single part of her belonged to him. Her heart, soul, mind, body was fully dedicated to him.

That bastard took something that should have only belonged to Roy for the rest of their lives. That bastard's eyes saw what only Roy should have seen! Roy had been her first and only and that was something she treasured. She had waited because something had told her he was the one. She knew it from the first time their gazes met. It was confirmed in her heart time and time again with the spark of the first time they touched, hugged, and kissed.

She felt anger course through her feeling as if it was riding through ever vein and artery in her body. That anger was directed at both herself and her attacker. Anger at herself for her previous actions and anger at her attacker for being the cause of those actions. She was most angry at his thievery of everything she and Roy held dear.

She looked down at the nightgown in her hands. Running her hands over the light blue silk, she smiled softly. Roy bought it for her as a gift and she'd laughed when she pictured him in the lingerie store where she knew he purchased it. That was how sweet he was to her. Maria, Gretchen, and Scieszka had always told her how lucky she was and she had to agree. She'd agreed before her attack but now she had even more reason to do so. She sat the gown and robe on the side of the sink, and took off the towel. She quickly donned the nightgown and then slipped the robe on. She didn't bother looking in the mirror because she knew it was still covered and would likely remain so for a while.

She wanted to talk to Roy about how she was feeling. She remembered he said when she was ready to talk he would be there and listen to her. She was ready to talk about her feelings regarding her looks and her violation but not ready to speak on the events that led her to feel this way. She knew he'd be patient until she was ready.

He stood there and waited until she opened the door and walked out into the bedroom. She walked over to him and to his surprise, kissed him on the cheek. He took her bandaged hand gently and asked, "When's the last time this bandage was changed?"

"Marcie changed it yesterday. I was going to change it after my shower but I couldn't with one hand."

"Then let's change it," he said, letting go of her hand and walking into the bathroom to retrieve the bandages. He got them from the cabinet, along with the antiseptic and some cotton swabs, and turned to head back into the bedroom when something odd caught his eye.

There was a towel covering the full-length mirror hanging on the wall. He frowned at it but didn't move it from his place. Instead, he left the room after turning off the light. He closed the door behind him, remembering that, from his observations of his wife, she wanted all the doors closed. He looked at Riza who was now sitting on the bed, looking so damn beautiful. He couldn't fathom her ever being any less than gorgeous. Even with the horrible bruise on her face, she radiated an aura that drew him like a moth to a flame. He never though he could love someone the way he did her. He'd never believed he was capable of such a feeling or that he would be able to receive love just as powerful in return.

He walked over, sat down beside her on the bed, and sat the bandages and cleaning items down on the side table. He took her hand and smiled at her before directing his attention to her wound. He unwound the bandage and took some antiseptic to clean the wound gently. Riza hissed momentarily as it first made contact with her injury. He studied it and saw that the wound was healing nicely. "The doctor said you should come back after ten days to have these stitches out if the wound is fully closed."

"Yeah," she said softly, watching his hands gently work with her injured one. The gentle contact with him was very comforting and she found herself relaxing. She watched him work on her hand, cleaning it well before winding the bandage back around it and securing it with a piece of medical tape. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it causing her to smile.

He let go and stood up from the bed. "I need to put these away and take a shower myself." He picked up the antiseptic and old bandages to take them back into the bathroom when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned his head to look at her. "After you get showered. . ." she began her sentence, then trailing off.

"Go on," he prompted.

"After you get showered, can we talk?" she asked.

"We can talk now if you'd like," he said and started to put down the items in his hands.

"No, it can wait. Go ahead and take a shower first."

"You sure?" he questioned.

"Yes, I'm sure," she stated.

Roy nodded and went into the bathroom. Riza heard the cabinets close and the shower turn on before he came out and over to the closet to grab some clothing. She stood and met him before he went into the bathroom. She kissed his cheek again before going back over to sit against the bed. He blinked at her once but then smiled and made his way back to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Riza stood back up and turned down the covers on the bed. She turned with a jump when she heard a scratching at the door, then a whine. She smiled, walked over to the door, and opened it enough to let Hayate in. He put his pawls upon her thighs expecting to be scratched behind the ears as he was every night before he went to sleep. She closed the door and locked it back before bending down to pet the dog and giving him the customary scratch he was seeking. Hayate then walked over to the foot of the bed and curled up on his doggie bed that Roy had placed there.

She walked over and sat on the couch waiting for Roy to come out of the bathroom. She ran what she wanted to say through her mind numerous times before she heard the bathroom door open and saw Roy emerge. His hair was still dripping slightly, leaving little splotches of wetness on his pajama shirt and she could smell the scent of the gentle soap he used. She resisted taking a deep breath to fully appreciate the smell.

He looked at her and smiled before walking over to sit beside her, leaning back against the cushions.

"You wanted to talk," he said.

Riza nodded and scooted closer to him. "I . . . the person. . ." she cursed as she screwed up what she was going to say.

"Take a deep breath and just be blunt," Roy said gently. "You can say whatever you want."

"I felt really uncomfortable with you seeing me in just that towel," she started but didn't know how to proceed. She looked down at her lap. "I don't want you to see me when I have all these scars on my body Roy. It's horrible looking. I feel dirty when I look at myself so I don't want to exhibit you to the same things."

She looked up into his eyes. "It's not that I think you will hurt me and it's not that I don't trust you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand," he said. "I know that you trust me otherwise you wouldn't be letting me get close to you at all. You must know that regardless of the scars both physically and mentally, I love you and I will always think you are beautiful. I know that sounds so storybook romantic but the truth is the truth. I don't think you are dirty and I don't have any horrible feelings when I look at you other than the hate for the person who is putting you through this."

"You don't find me disgusting?" she questioned.

"I would never find you disgusting, love."

Riza smiled at him as he cupped the side of her face with his hand. "I love you and I will continue to tell you that throughout the rest of our lives."

"There's something else," she said.

"What's that?"

"I don't . . . I don't think I'll be able to make love for a long time. I'm sorry; I know how much you . . ." He raised his figure to rest on her lips.

"Take your time," he said, "I am more than willing to wait until you are ready. You do need to tell me what you are comfortable with though."

"Well," she said looking down at her lap running the things she was comfortable doing with Roy through her mind. She was surprised to find many things he wanted him to do for her. She felt horrible asking these things when she couldn't return any kind of favor to him.

"I know you don't like to be approached from behind, you want the doors shut and locked at all times. . ." Roy said.

"Don't kiss my neck," she said, "Or touch me in. . . Certain areas." Roy nodded in understanding. "Please don't hug me from behind either," she said. That was a gesture she once loved for him to do but now she knew she would remember the way her attacker grabbed her and -" she shook her head to stave off the flashbacks. She looked down to see that Roy had covered her hand with his. She looked up into his face and her eyes met his.

"What can I do for you?"

"What you are doing now," she said. "You can listen and hold my hand. You can kiss me and hug me but most of all I just want to be held. I know that sounds crazy but being in your arms and smelling your scent comforts me."

"I can do that," he said.

"You can tell me your feelings as well. I want you to be honest with me and tell me things and thoughts that go on in your head."

Roy nodded and watched as Riza stood and pulled him to his feet. She guided him over to the bed and got in, pulling him with her. "Hold me?" she questioned.

Roy got into bed with her and clicked off the light. She snuggled into his chest breathing in his scent as his arms wrapped around her.

"Where'd you go today," she whispered.

"I went to a psychologist to find out how I could help you," he said.

She looked up at him with surprise but didn't say anything about it. She was touched that he went so soon after this happened. That he truly wanted to help her through this.

"I love you Roy," she said and before he could respond, he felt her body relax and she fell asleep.

* * *


	8. The Breakdown

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 7: The Breakdown **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault that were kind enough to help me with this fiction.**

* * *

**The Breakdown **

A week and a half later, Riza found herself sitting in the hospital having the stitches in her hand taken out by the very nurse that was on call the night that they were put in. She would have had them out a few days earlier but the wound wasn't healed enough at the time to do so.

"It looks like your wound healed very nicely this time," the old woman said. She gazed up at Riza's eye. "The eye has faded significantly as well."

"Yes. It certainly hurts a lot less," Riza said. Roy was sitting beside her, holding her other hand. He felt her squeeze it on occasion as the nurse removed each stitch.

"Well, I am all done. You should keep a bandage on the hand for a few more days to prevent infection to the outside area but other than that your cuts seem to have healed with no signs of infection at all."

"Thank you," Riza said, hopping down from the table. She signed the papers necessary so she could leave and took Roy's hand once more. The nurse smile and left the room, leaving the two alone.

"You all right?"

"Yes," she said. "Let's get out of here and go home."

Roy laughed and pulled her close, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him as they left the hospital and got into the car.

--

"It's a nice day," Roy said, as they drove back to Grumman's house. The drive was going very smoothly, them having missed the horrible midday traffic jams.

"Yes it is," Riza replied taking in her surroundings and smiling. She leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes, letting the warmth of the sun shining through the windshield cast over her, warming her fair skin. Roy gazed at her from the corner of his eye and smirked.

Through the past week, Riza had opened up a tiny bit more. She had times when she didn't want him anywhere near her, times when she would break into tears and times like now when she would relax and enjoy the environment around her. She was an emotional rollercoaster and that had him worried at first.

He confided in Doctor Lawson about those things and was relieved to find that they were normal happenings in the stages of recovery and the grief process. He was a bit confused over her wording about grief. He thought grief processes only applied to people who lost a loved one through death. He found it helpful to learn that stages of grief didn't only happen in matters of deaths but in traumatic episodes such as assault, metal abuse, even things such as a divorce followed a grief process.

Denial and shock, sadness, guilt, bargaining, and anger were just a few of the initial feelings that Dr. Lawson had told him about. However, she'd made it absolutely clear that while those were standard processes, they didn't occur in any specific order. She said that as Riza proceeded through her recovery she would feel either some or all of them in a mixed pattern. Roy had confirmed that she'd already exhibited many of them.

Dr. Lawson in return notified him that she would continue to go through initial feelings until the last two steps in the grief process. When enough of the anger and depression was released she would entered a stage of acceptance. Though she would always think about the rape on occasion, she would understand and be in control of her emotions.

As an alchemist, Roy had always prided himself on his knowledge of the sciences. Upon meeting the doctor, he found that he really didn't know as much as he thought about the different sciences, specifically the human mind and behaviors. He wanted to learn more, not just for Riza, even though she would always be the major reason, but also out of curiosity.

A few days ago, Riza told him more about her feelings, including her surprise that he would care enough to go to a doctor and how glad she was that he did so. She told him more on how and why she thought she failed him. He was quick to rectify that though those feelings were normal she hadn't failed him at all. He told her it wasn't her fault that she'd been raped. That it was the fault of the bastard that did it.

Finally, last night she'd asked him how he felt about everything and told him to be honest. He wanted to find the guy and rip his innards out. He'd told her the fact that the monster caused her any pain made him angry. He told her that he felt guilty for not being there to protect her as a husband should.

She'd cried after that, let out such a rapid flow of tears and loud sobs that it shattered his heart. He held her closely as she did so, soothing her by whispers of devotion and strokes of her hair. Afterward in a hoarse voice, she told him how much she needed him and thanked him. She ended up reassuring him that she didn't blame him for what happened and that he shouldn't feel guilty.

"We go back to work Monday," Riza spoke, bringing Roy from his thoughts.

"Yes," he said.

"Some honeymoon," she said in a tone that sounded angry but at the same time mournful. Roy removed his hand from its position on the steering wheel and grabbed hers, squeezing it.

"Do you want to go back to work?" Roy questioned. Riza looked over at him with a surprised look. She honestly hadn't thought about not returning. She didn't find it to be an option.

"Do you want me to?" she asked.

Roy waited until he pulled into the driveway of the Grumman house and turned off the motor before answering. He turned to her and grinned. "I love working with you. I love having you around at all times but my main concern is for your health and well-being. It's your choice and I'll support whatever decision you make. Do you feel you are ready to return?"

Riza looked up at him and shook her head. "I don't want to give up my job for good, but for now I don't think I am ready to return. I still jump when someone comes up behind me. I would be useless at work until I can deal with my fears and feelings."

Roy nodded. "I'll arrange for a leave of absence for you."

"It might be better if my grandfather did that. I wouldn't want you to be accused of favoritism."

Roy laughed and leaned in to kiss her softly. "If that's what you want."

"There's something else I want," she said.

"What is it?"

"I want to . . . I want to start seeing that psychologist, Doctor Lawson. The one you are seeing."

"All right," he said. "I'll call her."

"There's something else."

"What is it?"

"I want to speak to her alone Roy. I don't want you to feel horrible because of that but I need private sessions."

Roy stroked the side of her face where her eye was almost back to normal and smiled. "I understand."

Riza smiled at him and marveled how a man like Roy could possibly exist and how lucky she was to have him.

--

"Want to go for a walk?" Roy questioned suddenly.

Riza was quite surprised. His question came completely from left field. "A walk?"

"Yes, perhaps to the park. We can take Hayate."

"I haven't been out in public since the assault," she said, surprised slightly that she was able to put it in words. She cringed at how casually it came out. Looking at Roy, she saw he was surprised as well. "I want to go. I am tired of staying in the house so much. I need the fresh air."

"Then we can go. Let's go get changed into something more comfortable and I'll get Marcie to make us a few sandwiches to take. It will be like a picnic date."

Riza smiled. "A date? We are married."

"Doesn't mean we can't go on a date," he laughed. "You do want to date me don't you?" He moved his nose to rub against hers affectionately.

"Of course I want to date you," she said with a laugh and brought her lips to kiss his gently. "You're stuck with me you know," she said softly.

"Thank the gods," Roy said, causing Riza to smile brightly.

"You are a charmer, Roy Mustang," she said.

"Only with you," he replied.

--

An hour later Roy and Riza were walking down the sidewalk, making their way to the park. The streets weren't very crowded, probably because most of the people in the area were at work. However, Riza was still trembling slightly at being out and about the way she was. She suddenly went from holding Roy's hand to having her arm locked around his arm, while the other hand held Hayate's leash. She relaxed slightly after doing this. He felt her change positions and turned his gaze to her.

"You sure you are up to this? I didn't want to force you into anything," he said.

Riza nodded, "I'm sure." Roy stopped and pulled his arm away from hers briefly, before wrapping it around her waist and pulling her closer to him. He held her as they began walking once more. Riza smiled faintly and blushed lightly before wrapping her arm around his waist as well.

Her eyes fell to the picnic basket and chuckled. "Marcie's doing?" She questioned, motioning her head toward the wicker container.

"I asked her to fix us a small lunch but I think she did a bit more than that."

"A small lunch to Marcie is a four course meal," Riza joked.

"Apparently so; when I lifted this thing off the table, I wasn't expecting the weight. For a few moments, I thought I pulled my arm out of joint. I've been working out and lifting weights because if I don't Marcie's cooking would put fifty pounds on me. Despite the weight lifting I didn't want to be surprised by lifting unexpected pounds."

Riza laughed and laid her head on his shoulder. It was nice to simply be out with him and her dog like this. It was like there was nothing wrong in the world. It was foolish to wish that this time with him would last forever. That she could forever forget what happened. When she caught herself thinking about that night, she attempted to push it out of her head.

"I wonder if our spot will be taken?" she asked aloud, referring to the place in the park where he proposed to her. Her voice shook as she asked the question, and Roy noticed.

He turned his focus to her. "Your voice is shaking," he stated.

"I almost had a flashback," she said, honestly.

"Almost?"

"I pushed it back," she said. "Please, let's not ruin this time by talking about that. I want to forget for a while."

"Riza, it's not good for you to bottle it up," he said.

"I am not bottling it up. I just don't want to talk about it! I want to spend time with you," she snapped, her voice sounding hurt as she spoke. "If you don't want to or can't spend time with me without talking about the attack, then we should go home now," she snapped and pulled away from him. She turned to walk away when he grabbed her hand. He sat the basket down and hugged her.

"I'm sorry, that's not what I meant."

Riza's eyes filled with tears as she rested her head against his chest. "I know. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm such a moody bitch."

"It's all right," he said.

"It's all right that I'm a bitch?" she questioned with a joking tone, looking up at him through her tears.

"Oh crap! I didn't mean that! I meant that. . ." she laughed and lifted her finger to his lips.

"I know, I was teasing," she said.

Roy sighed and laughed briefly and lowly. He picked up the basket, put his arm back around her, and they continued on their way to the park.

The closer they got to their destination the more congested with people the path to the park was. Riza was walking as close to Roy as possible. She watched those walking past her closely, more the men walking by than the women. When people directed their gaze to the two of them, she would look down or away. Though she knew that they didn't know about her assault, it felt as if they all did. It felt like that was the reason everyone's gaze was on her. She felt like their whispers were all about her.

"You all right?" he questioned.

"No," she said honestly. "Let's hurry and get away from these crowds and into the park." They noticed Hayate slow down until he was walking along the other side of Riza. She smiled and lowered her hand to rest on his head. It was as if Hayate was keeping an eye out for her as well.

Riza was beyond relieved to finally get past all the people and into the park. They made their way along the cobblestone path that ran through the beautiful area.

"There's our spot and it's unoccupied," Roy said, motioning his head toward their destination.

The spot in question was on a slight incline of land under a beautiful maple. The grass was thin, soft, and a beautiful shade of light green. The sun barely peaked through the leaves of the trees creating a variety of different shades on the ground. Yet the spot always stayed comfortably warm despite the shady area. In the summer, the honeysuckle would bloom along the sides and when the wind blew, it would distribute the scent around the area, creating a vision for the senses.

They made their way to the spot and after sitting down the basket, Roy opened it to take out a small thin blanket he knew Marcie put there. He spread it out onto the ground and sat down. Riza let Hayate loose from his leash and he ran to play along the lake. She wasn't worried, knowing he wouldn't get around strangers or run far off. She turned and smiled at Roy who patted the place beside him. She sat down on her knees and crawled over to him. Instead of sitting where he patted, she moved to sit between his legs and leaned her back against his chest. He leaned against the tree as she leaned against him, his arms wrapped around her, and his fingers playing with the wedding ring on her hand absently.

She leaned her head back against his shoulder and closed her eyes. He turned his head slightly to take her appearance into his vision. He smiled as he watched the shadows of the leaves blowing in the wind shift against her skin. She looked so beautiful that he couldn't resist lowering his lips onto hers. Her eyes shot open at the touch but they soon closed and she kissed him back. Her arm came up to wrap around his neck, and she fisted her hand in his dark locks and kissed him more passionately. The position they were kissing in was slightly awkward but they didn't notice. She whimpered with pleasure at the sensuality of the kiss. He hurriedly pulled away from her when she did so.

"You all right?" he quickly asked, breathlessly. He thought that she was whimpering out of fear.

"Huh?"

"You whimpered," he said. "I didn't want to hurt you."

She nodded. "Yeah I did but . . . never mind. We got a bit too carried away for public eyes I guess," she said.

"Yeah," he replied. "But it was some kiss."

She leaned back against him and smiled. "Yes it was," she replied. "And I needed it."

They spent the rest of the day enjoying each other's company and eating the meal that Margie prepared, which was, as expected, far more than just sandwiches. They started to pack up when Riza heard a familiar voice call her name. Roy picked up the basket and moved to stand next to Riza as a man approached her. He put an arm protectively around her shoulder but she shrugged it off, instead opting to take his hand and intertwine their fingers.

Roy withheld a growl when he saw who the man was. It was Phillip Marrow, from Riza's hometown. He knew the man had more of an interest in Riza than just being friends and that bothered him greatly. He knew Riza wouldn't cheat on him but god only knew what the guy would try. Roy's face paled. What if he had been the one that. . . Roy snapped at himself. He shouldn't accuse people without evidence but it was quite a coincidence that Phillip's appearance coincided closely with Riza's attack.

"Hello Phillip," Riza said. Her voice was tense a bit but it did not take on a fearful tone when speaking to him.

Phillip tilted his hat to her. "Hello Riza," he said, extending his hand to her. She shook it and pulled it back rather quickly. Mustang noticed that the man noticed the sudden movement.

He extended his hand to Roy. "Hello Mustang."

"Marrow," he said, trying his best to be remotely friendly. He shook the man's hand. He didn't like the man before them that much. He couldn't help but be a bit hostile to the only other guy that ever had a chance with Riza. He'd known her before Roy and that bothered the alchemist. He knew there were no romantic feelings on Riza's part but that still didn't stop a tinge of jealousy from springing forward.

"How are you doing on this fine day? I haven't seen you out and about since the market," Phillip said.

"The market?" Roy questioned, looking at his wife.

"Yes, he helped me to the gate with all the groceries I had. I thank him for it," she said calmly. Roy was a bit confused as to why she was a bit relaxed toward Phillip.

"I asked her to have coffee to be honest but she said she had to get home so I helped her."

"Do you make it a habit to ask married women to coffee," Roy questioned, a bit of anger rising in his voice.

"I do when she is a good friend of mine from childhood," Phillip replied, but he did so in a very calm manner. "She's all yours Mustang; I swear I won't try anything." He said the last sentence with a slightly amused tone, but frowned when he saw the reaction of the two.

Roy felt Riza tense up slightly at his words.

Phillip directed his gaze to her and smiled, not mentioning that he also noticed how tense she'd gotten. "Just a friend, that's it."

"Yeah," Riza said. "I should go get Hayate and we should get home," she said to Roy. She smiled at Phillip. "Nice seeing you again."

"Same here," he said and watched her leave.

"Keep away from my wife," Roy said angrily, surprising Phillip.

"Did something happen to her?" he questioned, ignoring Roy's anger. "She was very at ease when I spoke with her at the market."

Roy was surprised at the concern that Phillip showed for Riza. He tended to be excellent at reading people and from what he gained from observing Phillip, his suspicions of him being her rapist were rapidly fading.

"I'd like to meet with you. As General Mustang on a professional level."

"Professional?"

Phillip got out his wallet and handed Mustang his card.

"You're a private investigator?" Mustang questioned in shock.

"That's right and there are quite a few things I need to tell you. I did a bit of probing but now's not the time to discuss it."

"Have you been spying on my wife?" he questioned with a growl.

"No, but I have been investigating someone near your community. I can't say who here."

"I go back to work Monday. You can see me there. I'll tell my staff to be expecting you."

Phillip nodded and extended his hand. "I want you to know that I have no ill will toward you or your wife. Riza is someone I've always cared about since we were young and I am glad she's happy." Roy met the man's gaze and realized that he was telling the truth entirely.

"I understand," Roy said.

"You have a good day," Phillip replied and walked off.

Roy put Phillip's card in his wallet and made his way over to Riza who was attaching the leash to Hayate's collar. She stood and took his hand. They wordlessly began their trek back to her grandfather's house. He was a bit ticked off that she hadn't mentioned meeting Phillip at the market the day of her assault.

"You're angry," Riza said, breaking up the awkward silence that was resonating between the two of them.

"I'm not angry," Roy said, moving his hand to cover her hand completely and running his thumb along the wedding band on her finger.

"Don't lie to me," she said. "I don't need or want to be treated any different now than before the assault and that includes being kept from any anger that you have."

"Why didn't you tell me you ran into him?" He questioned.

"Because it wasn't important," she said.

"You ran into him the day you were. . . I think that is important."

"You don't think he did that do you?" she asked.

"No, not now though I suspected him at first. Do you think he did?" he questioned.

"I know he didn't," she said.

"How do you know?" he questioned. He didn't believe Phillip had anything to do with it but he wanted to know why Riza didn't suspect him.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said.

Roy sighed in frustration and Riza turned to look at him. "What's wrong?"

"I'm a bit frustrated," he said. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Roy, I'm sorry but I just can't. I can't bring myself to talk about what happened that night yet."

"Yeah," he said. "I am trying to understand that Riza. I really am," he said. "It's hard when I can't do anything for you because I don't know more about how it happened."

"I don't want you to know," she said simply, "Not yet. I really don't know if I will ever be able to speak to you about it."

Roy growled a bit causing Riza to stare at him for a moment. She pulled her hand away and looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry," she said.

"Stop apologizing," he said. "There's no need for it. I am just tired of it."

Riza looked up but didn't focus on anything in particular. Her heart broke at his words. After all the promising to be there for her, he was growing tired of it. She'd known deep within her that it was a matter of time but she thought that it had been a fallible worry.

"Sorry," she said once again, lowering her face toward the ground and folding her hands in front of her. She kept her gaze focused at her feet as she walked beside him and tensed up at every man who walked past her. Roy reached for her hand but she pulled it away and moved a bit further away from him.

"Riza, I didn't mean that the way it-" he stopped when he saw her walking speed up to where she was a good distance away. He really fucked up. He didn't mean to act the way he did. He was just damn frustrated that things had to be this way. That it had to take this long and frustrated that he knew it would take far longer for things to get to a much better level. He was annoyed that no matter what he did it wasn't good enough to help Riza move on. He was upset that they would be dealing with this for the rest of their lives.

They arrived at the house and Riza made her way upstairs without a word to her grandfather who greeted her at the door. Roy sat the picnic basket down on the table at the door and merely muttered to Grumman, "I fucked up."

He followed Riza up the stairs quickly and she began to rush to the room where they were staying. She got at the door when he grabbed her. When she screamed, he quickly let go. His heart felt as if it was about to blast from his chest upon hearing that terror-filled sound come from his wife. He'd never heard anything like it pass her lips.

She fell to her knees and clutched in around herself as visions of being pressed against that door roughly and being bitten and touched by her attacker flashed in her mind. She felt as if it was happening all over again. The flashes were so vivid and horrifying. It couldn't be happening again! It couldn't! Her breathing increased and she tried to calm it to no avail. She felt someone hug her and whisper everything would be all right and to concentrate on his breathing pattern and match hers with his.

She wanted to pull away from the person that grabbed her but as the scent of Roy's cologne hit her she realized she was safe and attempted to do as he said and match her breathing pace with his. He rocked her back and forth, his face buried in her golden locks as he whispered apology after apology to her. Tears were streaming down his face as he held her. God he felt horrible for causing this. He should have been more considerate; he should have been a better husband and thought about his actions and words before he spoke.

He didn't seen Marcie and Grumman standing down the hallway watching them. They'd run up when they heard Riza scream, being the only ones in the house other than Roy and Riza. Marcie had no clue what was going on and was quite alarmed to see both Roy and Riza so unhinged. She felt Grumman's hand on her shoulder and felt herself being led away from the scene.

Riza finally looked up at Roy to see tears streaming down his face and that was when she couldn't take her overwhelming emotions any longer. The emotional dams that she had mentally built to prevent fanatical surging of feelings, finally broke. She hugged him tightly and began to sob violently taking in big gulps of breath trying to get air to her lungs. When she did so, Roy also began crying more full sobs, the tears seemingly having no end as they ran down his face in salty streams. Perhaps it was what they both needed; perhaps this major release of pain was the turning point. However, at that moment, his mind didn't dwell on turning points, grief stages, or recovery methods. All he cared about was the woman he was holding in his arms and how he could make her feel safe.

"He," she gasped and took a huge breath of air that didn't quite make it into her body. She took another; then began trying to speak once more. "He had . . . he had me against the door Roy! He bit me and he said that he wanted what Mustang had!" She managed out before having to take another big breath of air. "He pulled my dress up and ripped off my underwear! I froze Roy! I fucking froze!" She began taking deep breaths once more to calm her rapidly beating heart and to possibly keep her from having flashbacks that could be triggered by her revelation.

Her lungs burned from the lack of air, her throat felt clogged from the saliva that ran down into it and she had to cough to clear so she could speak. Her eyes were burning from tears that felt as if they had bits of sand scratching the inside lining of her eyes. She hiccupped as she tried to take in more air so she could speak. Finally doing so, she continued with what she needed to say.

"That voice! I can't place that voice but goddamn it! It was familiar to me! That voice! I knew it! The person that raped me was someone we both knew!" She screamed, but it didn't come out as such. The scream was a little above a hoarse rasp.

She moved to hug him around his body, her fingertips pressing roughly into his back. "He pushed me against the dish drainer on the counter-top and he knocked me out. Roy I feel so damn dirty. I know he had his hands all over me and no matter how much I shower or bathe, I always feel like he's left his handprints on me! Why would you want to touch me after that?"

Roy took a deep breath and in his own scratchy voice he said, "Because I love you that's why. You aren't dirty. Not at all," he said rising up to his feet and pulling her with him. He took her arm and extended it out to show it to her.

"Look," he said softly. Through her tears, she could barely make out the pale skin of her arm. "See, just beautiful clean skin." He lifted her hand to his lips to kiss it gently.

She nodded and looked up at his face. He offered her the best smile he could muster with the tears still streaming from his eyes. Riza smiled and raised her hand to his face to wipe his tears. "You're crying," she said delicately.

"Yeah," he replied, raising his hand to her face to wipe her tears as she was doing for him.

* * *


	9. Riza's First Session

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 8: Riza's First Session **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault that were kind enough to help me with this fiction.**

**AN: This chapter was particularly hard for me to write. I didn't know exactly how to deal with Riza's first therapy session. I thought about her situation and how I would have handled it. Thank you to JLF for helping me with it and proofreading it for me.**

* * *

**Riza's First Session **

**Four days later . . . Monday Morning **

The shrill sound of the alarm clock reverberated throughout the silence of the morning-shaded room. Riza groaned and sat up, fully awake. She reached over Roy's body to press the latch that would bring relief from the sharp, ear-irritating alarm. After doing so, her gaze fell to her husband who was cuddling down into the blankets, clutching to them as a baby would its cover. A small smile came to her lips as she watched him.

She adored observing him when his features and body were so tranquil. When there wasn't formalness or tensing of any of his muscles and when that cute, minuscule grin formed on his lips. When he did tense, it was only so that he could reach for her and pull her against his warm muscular body.

He always cuddled up and clung to her in his sleep like she was a giant teddy bear, a trait that Riza was incredibly grateful he possessed. This slumbering habit brought her great comfort when she woke from the nightmares that had invaded her rest. He'd subconsciously pull her closer as if he knew she was in desperate need of being held. He'd always done that, even when her nightmares weren't about the rape, but about another tragic event in her life, Ishbal.

He'd once told her that holding her in his arms as he slept brought relief from his nightmares as well. He mentioned that he hadn't had those vividly colored, scream-filled dreams since the first time he held her. Knowing he slept well by holding her was also a comfort to her. She never told him how much it meant to her to be able to fall asleep and wake in his embrace and how something as seemingly insignificant as his smell relaxed her body.

She studied his features for a while longer before deciding it was time for him to wake up. She moved his bangs away from his forehead and leaned in to kiss it. Her lips brushed it lightly and she spoke in a loud yet gentle voice that it was time for him to awake. He groaned, then much to her surprise, his eye opened and he stared at her a moment before realizing he was indeed awake. A sleepy grin appeared on his face.

"What a beautiful sight to wake up to," he said, his voice laced with that familiar just awoken tone. "Why did you wake me up so early?" he questioned. He wasn't used to waking up until around noon.

"Roy, you have to go back to work today," she said, incredulously, though her shock didn't carry through in her voice pitch.

"Oh yeah," he grumbled and flipped over to lie on his back. His head turned to the clock and he groaned again. "I don't go into work until 9am Riza."

"Yes, I am aware of that," she said.

"It's only 6am," Roy replied.

"Yes, I am aware of that as well," she replied.

"Then why am I awake?" Much to his surprise, Riza laid down and rested her head and upper body on his chest. Her arms wrapped around him and held him tightly. "Riza?"

"My appointment to see Doctor Lawson is today," Riza said, her voice muffled in the light blue cotton of his pajama shirt. He was aware of that because he was going to drop her off and then Grumman was going to pick her up two hours later.

He moved his hand to her head and began stroking her hair. "You're nervous?" he questioned.

She nodded.

"Riza, she's an amazing doctor," Roy said. "She'll make you feel very comfortable."

Riza raised her head up so she could look at his face. "I hope she didn't make you too comfortable," Riza said, trying to joke to alleviate her restiveness.

"That wasn't a very funny joke Riza," he said in a stern voice.

"Yeah, it didn't quite turn out as funny as I thought it was going to," she stated, resting her chin on his chest. "To tell my feelings to a complete stranger just seems so . . . well . . . not me."

Roy nodded. "I know the feeling. The first time I went to see her I was nervous as well. The only ones I'd ever spoken anything personal to were you and Maes. Oddly, when you sit and talk with her it seems like she's an old friend that you've known all your life. It's a good trait to have in her profession."

"I suppose so," she said. "That eases my tension a bit." She stayed quiet for a while, thinking about a few other things that were running rampant in her mind. Roy could tell there were some other things that she wanted to talk about so he decided to prompt her into it.

"What else is on your mind?" he questioned.

"I feel like I am shirking my duties. That I am using what happened as a crutch to do so."

Roy sat up causing her to do the same. He was shocked that she would say such a thing. "That's not true at all."

"But I won't be there to protect you if something happens. I won't be there because I will be getting help for something that wa-"

"Was out of your control to prevent," Roy finished for her, knowing she was going to blame herself for what happened yet again. "Riza, I will be in the office all day today. I will be driving there and home before it gets dark. Nothing will happen."

"You'd better knock on wood," she replied.

Roy jokingly lifted his hand and knocked on his head, causing her to laugh.

"So you don't need me?" she questioned.

Roy took her hand. "I always need you."

"I still. . . I still feel like I am letting you down by not going to work."

"Then I want you to look at it another way," he said.

"What way is that?"

"You are getting help from a wonderful source so you can go back to work. You are not letting me down since you are doing that."

"I didn't think of it like that," she said.

"It's the famous Mustang logic," he replied.

Riza moved to sit on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. He looked at the clock and smiled, they still had a while before they had to get up. He laid back, taking her with him. He began running his hand up and down her back gently and he felt Riza relax.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay at the doctor's office with you and then take you home. Then I can go to work for the rest of the day."

"Yes, I am sure," she said. "I'm not ready to drive there on my own, but I'll be fine in the office by myself."

Roy nodded. "If you need me for anything, no matter how small, you call me. All right?"

"Yes, all right. I will."

--

Roy got up and took a shower first. After he dried off, he donned his underwear and uniform pants. He slipped on his undershirt and looked at the table where he laid his clothes. He could have sworn that he'd grabbed a dress shirt. He sighed and walked out of the bathroom, his still damp bare feet making a funny slapping sound on the hardwood floor.

"What's wrong?" Riza questioned, going through her drawers for something to wear.

"Forgot my dress shirt," he said. "The bathroom is all yours."

Riza nodded but didn't move. Her gaze was focused on his arms. A small smile graced her lips. He looked up at the mirror and saw the small grin. He pulled a shirt from the drawer of the dresser and turned to her as he put it on.

"What's got you smiling," he questioned. She clutched her clothes to her body, not out of modesty but out of embarrassment at being caught admiring him. She blushed as she walked over to the bathroom door. Roy followed her with his gaze. "Riza?" He was quite confused over her actions.

"The weight lifting. It really does a body good," she said quickly and hurried inside the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Roy blinked and stared at the bathroom door for a moment before a grin gradually appeared on his face.

Riza put her back against the door and scolded herself. She shouldn't be feeling the way she was. She shouldn't be so aroused. Not so soon after her assault! She wasn't ready to do anything sexual yet; however, was there any harm in lusting after her husband? She knew he'd been working out more (increasingly more so since moving in here due to Marcie's rich cooking) but she was just now noticing the result. She shook her head of the vision of those muscles of his that held her so tightly against his hard body. She didn't want to get worked up. It just didn't seem right.

She took a very quick shower, dried off, and got dressed. She walked out of the bathroom to see Roy sitting on the bed, attaching his badges to a clean and pressed uniform jacket. He looked up as she entered the room.

"You all right?" he question while standing up and putting on his jacket. He decided not to mention her comment. He didn't want her to be embarrassed over it, even though she had nothing whatsoever to be embarrassed about. He had to admit, he felt rather cocky at being able to get his wife to say a comment like that.

Riza nodded, "I'm all right." She tugged at the collar of her shirt. Roy noticed the action.

"You sure?"

"Do you think this is too low cut?" she asked.

The cut in question was a low V, but not so low to reveal any substantial breast area. The sweater made her look very domestic, which Roy found sexy. "No, it's not low cut."

"How about the skirt? Does it -"

"You look beautiful," he interrupted.

"Oh," she replied.

"Riza, what's wrong? You've never asked me about your clothes before."

Riza realized that he was right. She'd always dressed very sensibly never asking his opinion on her clothing. Still, she didn't want to attract any unwanted attention.

She smiled up at him and gave him a quick kiss.

"We should get some breakfast before we have to leave," she said, completely ignoring his question. He'd noticed her avoidance but refrained from speaking about it. When she wanted to answer or talk about it, she would.

--

Roy drove to the psychologist office and parked the car. "Let me walk you in."

"Roy, I am not a child that needs to be walked fifty feet."

"Humor me, please?" he questioned.

Riza sighed, nodded, and got out of the car, shutting the door behind her. He did the same and took her hand, guiding her to the office. They walked inside just as Doctor Lawson was coming out of her office. The woman leaving nodded and smiled politely at them before making her exit.

"Good Morning Mr. Mustang," she said extending her hand. He shook it and smiled.

"Good morning. Doctor Lawson, this is my wife Riza," Roy introduced.

The doctor extended her hand and Riza shook it. "Lovely to meet you," she said.

"Likewise," Riza said smiling slightly. She looked over to Roy. "You should be getting to work," she said.

"Ever the taskmistress," he commented. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "See you this evening,"

"Be careful," she replied.

"I will," he said. "See you tomorrow doctor," he said.

"Yes," she said with a nod.

Riza watched Roy leave the office and suddenly her nerves flared up.

"Mrs. Mustang, if you would come into my office," the doctor said.

Riza turned to look at the woman and nodded. The doctor moved so Riza could enter but Riza shook her head. "If you don't mind, could you go in first?"

Riza was surprised when the doctor wasn't fazed at all over the seemingly odd request and entered her office, Riza following behind her and shutting the door.

"Please have a seat," she said, motioning to one of the comfortable chairs. Riza nodded and sat down. She wondered if Roy had been feeling this much anxiety as he sat in this room. She looked down at her feet, studying the shine on her brown heels. She heard the doctor sit down across from her.

"May I call you Riza or would you prefer I stick to Mrs. Mustang," she questioned.

"Riza's fine."

"Very well," Doctor Lawson said. "Where would you like to begin? Do you have any questions?"

Riza tensed up but leaned back in the chair. "I don't know. Obviously I've never been through anything like this before."

"Take your time. I am here to listen and help you. Start where you feel most comfortable."

Riza nodded and sat there in silence thinking about what she was going to say. Could she really trust this woman enough to tell her about what exactly happened? Was she really ready to speak about it to her?

"I don't know why I came," Riza said, honestly.

"You don't?"

"I . . . I don't know. I mean I need help but I just can't bring myself to tell you what happened. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. How about instead of telling me the details we start with something else," she said. "Until I gain your trust enough to hear the story. Until you are willing and ready to tell me."

"Something else?"

"You know that I know why you are here, that is obvious yes?"

"Yes," Riza said.

"Then how about we start with your emotions at this moment. How are you feeling right now?"

"Right now?" Riza was surprised at the question.

"Yes," she said.

"Good I suppose."

"Are you sure?"

Riza studied the woman across from her carefully. She was very calm. Roy was right about his description of her. It really did feel like she was sitting across from a friend. "I suppose I am sure. I mean I think so . . . I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

"Because my feelings are confusing. Really confusing," she said. "My emotions are constantly in a jumble. One minute I feel happy, then merely content, the next minute I am angry and hurt, then I am disgusted, back to angry, then feeling guilty, then happy again, then I want to block everything out. This morning a new emotion came to me and I just don't know how to deal with it. I can't take much more of this." She looked down at the floor.

"What was this new emotion?"

Riza blushed slightly. "I was noticing how good looking my husband was and I felt . . ." Riza couldn't bring herself to speak those emotions. She looked up at the doctor. "I . . . felt. . ."

"Aroused?" the doctor answered for her.

"Yes, and I felt so dirty for it."

"Why?"

"Because I shouldn't feel that way so soon after being . . . After being raped."

"Tell me, has Roy said anything against you for feeling that way?"

"No, not at all!" Riza said. "Roy's been wonderful. He's been better that what I deserve."

"Would you have felt dirty for thinking that before you were raped?"

"No, I wouldn't."

"Then why do you think you feel that way now?"

"Because ... because that bastard touched me. The way only Roy was supposed to. Because he violated something that I held dear to me."

"And it was a crime."

"Yes it was a crime," she said and her eyes widened as if she came to some sort of awakening to that fact. Doctor Lawson smiled softly at her.

"Rape is a crime that uses sexual body parts as weapons to intimidate the victim. It's sexual activity without one's consent.. The rape is not about sex to the rapist. It's about control and power over someone."

"The. . . The person who raped me. He said that he wanted what Mustang had. So that means that he saw me as nothing more than a possession that my husband owned."

"How does that make you feel?"

"It makes me feel angry. I want to hurt him for hurting my husband and me. I've never had a problem feeling as if I belonged to Roy. I am angry for that bastard taking what was his."

"Did he really take that Riza?"

"What? I was raped doctor. He has sex with me!"

"Sex by definition is not sex unless its consented. What that rapist did was target you because it would cause the most physical and emotional pain. Rape is no more sex than torture."

"I see," Riza said.

"Do you call sex what you do with your husband? Yes it is a sexual act and you consent for him to have sex with you but what do you call it?"

"Love making," she said.

"Yes. Love and consent are the key words in that. So while the rapist did violate you he didn't take what is Roy's. He didn't take your love for your husband did he? He didn't make you hate Roy did he?"

"I could never hate Roy. There's no way. He's my life."

"Then has he really taken you from Roy. Taken what is his? Think about what belongs to Roy."

Riza smiled softly. "He never took my heart; he never took my heart away from my husband." Tears began to come to her eyes. "Still, I feel. . . I feel like I failed Roy. He did this to me to get at him. To cause him to get upset. If I hadn't been in Roy's life then he never would have hurt me to get to him. Roy wouldn't be going through all of this. He would be happy."

Riza looked at the doctor, whose face was quite blurry due to her tears.

Doctor Lawson grabbed a box of tissues and held it out to Riza who took a few. She wiped her eyes and sighed, her breaths shuttering as she took air into her lungs.

"From what I gather that man loves you more than his own life Riza. He wouldn't be happy if you weren't in it."

"Yes I know and he shouldn't feel that way," she said.

"Because you were raped."

"Yes."

"But you never asked to be raped. You never gave your consent."

"I went through that open door of our house. When I knew someone had broken in. I should have gone to a neighbor's house and called the police when I saw the door was open. It's my fault that I put myself in that position in the first place."

"Did you ask that man to break into your house?"

"No," she answered. "I never asked that man, if you can call the bastard that, to do anything. I never asked him to press me up against that door or to cut my face or to knock me out or to rape me!"

"Right," the doctor said.

Riza stared at the woman for a while and nodded. She understood what the doctor was getting at. Though it would take a while she knew if she just ran what the doctor said through her head that she would eventually convince herself of the truth. Of the truth, that it wasn't her fault. She stayed silent for quite a long while before asking, "Will I ever get over this?"

"Get over it isn't exactly the best choice of words to use. You won't be able to ever forget it. That incident is a part of your life you will have to live with for the rest of your life. You will learn to deal with it and come to grips so that it won't control your life. Now, let's go back and discuss those emotions you have a bit before our session's up. Now that I have more details."

Riza's eyes widened. She'd told the story about her rape without actually telling the story. She stared at the doctor who offered her a small smile in response. Then she burst into tears. "I thought I was supposed to tell you about what happened before you dealt with one of my emotions. I thought that was the rules!" she sobbed. She was crying out of both confusion and of finally letting it out to someone else that could help her.

"There are no set rules for helping rape victims Riza. If there were, helping them would be a lot easier. People recover at different paces depending on several factors. The rape incident, the support system they have, their mentality before the rape, how soon they get help. All of those contribute to the healing process."

"How soon for me?"

"I can't tell, no one, not even you can predict that. You know when you start to heal at different stages of the process but it could be a month from now, it could be a year, maybe longer before you fully feel ready to lead a completely normal life."

"I've never led a normal life," Riza joked, drying the last of her tears.

* * *


	10. Attack

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 9: Attack**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. If this disturbs you then I suggest that you go away now or if you think it may help you cope if you are a victim or even the loved one of a victim then read on. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were researched and all respect is given to the victims of sexual assault that were kind enough to help me with this fiction.**

* * *

**Attack**

All the way on his drive to work Roy couldn't get Riza out of his head. How was she doing? Was she comfortable with Doctor Lawson? Was she talking about the things she needed to talk about or was she too nervous to speak? All those questions dominated his thoughts as he pulled into the parking lot of Central Headquarters.

He got out and locked the car before making his way inside. It seemed so weird being here without Riza. The only time he'd been here without her was the night she was raped. A pang of guilt hit him, if he'd just told her to stay until he was finished then maybe she wouldn't have been in that situation. He then squashed it, remembering what the doctor told him about guilt and how it wasn't anyone's fault except the rapist.

He made his way to his office and opened the door.

"WELCOME BACK!" Everyone shouted, shocking Roy. All of Riza and his friends there at work were present. He offered them a small smile and all quieted when they didn't see Riza.

It was Rebecca who asked about her. "Where's Riza?"

"She's taking a leave of absence," he answered, honestly.

"What? Riza? Okay, what have you done to our friend?" Maria questioned in a joking manner. Roy didn't realize it at first.

"I didn't do anything to her," Roy snapped, causing her to take a step back. His tone shocked the entire group.

He sighed, "I'm sorry about that Lieutenant Ross."

She nodded. "It's all right sir. Is Riza all right though?"

"She's . . . She's not feeling too well so she's decided to take a leave. I figured Grumman would have told you that."

"No, he didn't say anything about it," Rebecca said.

"Well, she's certainly earned it. She hasn't missed work since we've known her."

"Yeah," Roy said.

"Here sir," Furey said, handing him a cup of punch.

"Thank you Furey," he replied. He wasn't in the mood for a welcome back party when half of him wasn't there. His other half was in a psychologist office dealing with a problem that he should be dedicating all his time to helping her with. However, he could tell that they all went through quite a bit of trouble so he would grin and bear it. At least for an half an hour before he'd order them back to work. Riza wouldn't have let them slack off for even that long, no matter what the occasion was.

"Nice streamers," Roy commented as he looked at the blue and white streamers hanging down from the ceiling and decorating the tables.

"Streamer hanging has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" Armstrong exclaimed but spared them the sight of the bare flexing muscles that usually greeted such a declaration.

Roy chuckled inwardly. He was able to picture every member of the Armstrong family hanging banners except one. Somehow, Olivier Armstrong and banner hanging just didn't mesh in his mind. She would probably end up getting angry and hacking them into confetti.

"We dropped by your house to drop off a few wedding presents to you and Riza but the guard said that you weren't there. Did you go away for your honeymoon?" Rebecca asked.

"Yes, we left the house," he said. It wasn't a lie after all. They did leave the house, but it wasn't for honeymoon reasons.

Then it hit him. He and Riza needed to discuss the house. He wasn't sure when would be the proper time to discuss it but he knew it was likely she'd want to move after what happened. Doctor Lawson had told him that it would probably stall in the healing process if they moved back in. It would cause flashbacks to her. That house that they'd made into a lovely home for themselves was now a breeding ground of bad memories.

"We left some belated wedding presents on your desks. You and Riza can open them together. There is something special from Maria and me there."

"Oh?"

"Yes, we left a note inside. Riza will know the story behind it then she can tell you," Maria said.

"All right then, thank you," he said.

"There are some things from all of us too chief. And some things from a few of the fellas down at the officer's club," Havoc said.

"And the girls at the secretary offices got something for Riza," Scieszka said.

Roy nodded. "Thank you all, really."

The group noticed that Roy didn't seem to be there entirely. They chalked it up to the fact Riza wasn't there and didn't say anything.

As Havoc looked at Roy, he saw a major difference in the man. He wasn't as laid back as before and something festered under his gaze. His posture was more formal, his words more simple and his sentences were more abrupt than they used to be. He reasoned there was more to why Riza wasn't there than he was letting on.

While he was concerned about it, it wasn't his business. He couldn't go prying into people's lives. He knew Roy didn't hurt Riza but could tell that this demeanor of Roy's had something to do with her. Roy didn't get like this for anyone except Riza.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door followed by a young sergeant entering. He stepped up to Roy and saluted. He recognized the sergeant as the young man that stayed guard outside the office complex. Since the council had taken over the government, security had been beefed up exponentially. No one could get in headquarters unless they were on a list.

"What can I do for you sergeant?" Roy questioned.

"There is a Phillip Marrow here to see you sir. He said you were expecting him. He said it was important."

Everyone in the room looked at Roy. "Yes, I'm expecting him. I'll meet him outside and escort him in. Please search him and tell him to wait."

"Yes sir," he replied and left the office.

Roy put down his cup and turned to the others. "I am sorry to have to cut this short but this meeting is very important. However, I thank you for the thought behind this little party. I am sure Riza would have as well if she were here."

"No problem chief," Havoc said.

"Yeah, we'll just throw one for Riza when she comes back," Rebecca said.

Roy tensed up but didn't say anything.

"When is Lieutenant Hawk - Mustang returning sir?" Fuery questioned.

"I don't know," Roy answered honestly, before leaving the room and a stunned group of subordinates behind.

He walked down the hall and made his way outside to meet Phillip. He spotted him being held at gunpoint by two guards as he walked out.

"What's going on?" Roy questioned.

"This man is carrying a gun attempting to enter headquarters sir," one of the guards said.

Roy looked at Phillip quizzically.

"I am a PI I have a gun, along with a license if these goonies here would let me show them. They refuse to let me reach for it because I might reach for a gun," he said, with a sigh. "Then again, I wouldn't let me reach for it either if I were in their shoes."

"Doesn't matter whether you have a license or not. Unless you are part of the military or in the state police force no one is permitted to enter Central Headquarters carrying a firearm."

"Since when?" he questioned.

"Since the new security laws," Roy said. "Where's your ID?"

"In my right coat pocket, but won't they take your word for it?" he questioned.

"No," Roy said, walking toward him and reaching inside his coat pocket to get out the ID. He showed it to the two guards and they nodded, lowering their guns.

Suddenly a car came screeching around the corner. Gunshots came from the black unmarked vehicle as it drove by headquarters. Phillip pushed Roy out of the way as the shots fired. A bullet grazed the side of Roy's arm. Phillip was shot in the upper right shoulder, through the back. The two guards on duty at the doors, opened fire on the car as MP's ran from their posts to get in shots. They rushed to the military trucks and took off after the car.

"Get the medics here now!" Roy yelled, holding Phillip still so the bleeding wouldn't increase Phillip's eyes was closed tightly in pain before he eventually lost consciousness.

"Just hang on; we will get you to a hospital." Roy didn't know if the man he was holding could hear him or not. However, just in case, he wanted Phillip to be reassured that they were getting him help. The blood was flowing rapidly from his wound and leaking onto Roy's uniform, staining it a rusty color. Roy could feel the man's blood soaking through and sticking the clothing to his skin.

The medics came and began loading Phillip onto a gurney.

Havoc and the others ran out of the headquarters due to all the commotion. They were alarmed at seeing Roy sitting down on the ground and blood staining his clothing.

"Chief!" Havoc yelled, running over to him, followed by the others. "You all right?"

"I'm fine, this isn't my blood," he said, referring to the stains.

"We need to get you to the hospital as well sir," a medic said.

Roy shook his head, "I just have a graze on my arm."

"We still need to look at it sir," the medic said.

"Very well, I was going to accompany Phillip there anyway," he said.

"Want me to call Riza?" Scieszka asked.

"No, call Grumman and notify him of what happened. He will tell Riza," he said. "He's picking her up from the. . . Shopping." Roy cursed inwardly at almost revealing where Riza really was.

"Yes sir," she replied, making her way to notify Grumman.

"I'll go to the hospital with you sir," Rebecca said. Riza would maim me if I left you alone.

Roy nodded.

"You need a security detail," Maria said. "Denny and I will come along, with Major Armstrong's permission." She looked at the man and he nodded.

"Very well. Havoc, you take care of the office."

"Yes sir," he said.

Mustang and the others got into the car and they followed the ambulance carrying Phillip, to the hospital.

Riza left Doctor Lawson's private office and was greeted by her grandfather, who was waiting in the front office for her. She smiled softly at him but that smile soon faded when she saw the look on his face.

"What's wrong?" she questioned.

"I'll tell you on the way to meet Roy," he said.

"Roy's all right isn't he?" she said, the panic evident in her voice.

"Yes, he's just fine," he said. "Just a scratch."

"A scratch from what?" she questioned, with alarm.

"Let's go and I'll let him tell you," he answered.

Riza nodded and they left the office. They walked to Grumman's car and got into the back. His driver pulled out of the parking lot and they made their way to their destination.

"Where are we going?" Riza asked.

"First we are going home so that you can pick up some clothes for Roy. Then we are heading to the Central City Military Hospital," Grumman answered.

"Why are we going to the hospital? You said Roy was all right! Why in the hell does he need clothes if he's all right?" she exclaimed. Her heart was beating rapidly over the fact that Roy could be injured badly enough to go to the hospital. God! She felt like a helpless damsel in distress. Her emotions were all mish mashing together. She normally wouldn't be like this! She was always in control and now she wasn't and she fucking hated it! When would she get back to normal!

Grumman looked over at his granddaughter and smiled reassuringly. He placed a hand on top of hers. "He is just fine. Someone else was injured and Roy went to the hospital for them and to take care of a small graze."

Riza nodded. Even though she trusted her grandfather's words, she wouldn't be satisfied until she saw Roy herself. She felt horrible because she hadn't thought of the other person that was injured. Her entire focus had been in sheer panic over Roy.

"Who was the other person?" Riza questioned.

"I don't know," Grumman answered, as they pulled into the driveway of his home.

Riza quickly got out of the car and rushed into the house to grab Roy's spare uniform and some boxers just in case he needed those too. She rushed back out of the house and jumped into the car.

"Let's get going," she said, looking down at the clothes and not paying attention to the vehicle's occupants. When they didn't start moving, she looked around and saw that there were no other occupants. She looked to the left and out the window of the other side, and saw Grumman and the driver sitting in the other car with small smiles on their faces.

Riza frowned, got out, and got into the proper car. Her grandfather and the driver began laughing.

"Stop laughing at me," Riza scowled, though she did find it kind of amusing herself. She would probably be laughing as well if it weren't for all the worry invading her mind.

"All right Bill, let's stop laughing and get going. Though, I am going to tell Roy about this one."

"Can we please just get to my damn husband?" she snapped.

"All right dear," Grumman said, a chuckle still evident in his voice. The driver pulled out of the driveway and began the drive to the hospital.

Though it was only a ten-minute drive, those ten minutes seemed like ten days to her. She noted things in her head as they drove by them. She would inwardly say things like, "We are just at that sign?", or "We are just now turning this corner?" It was as if the car was only going a mile per hour. Soon it stopped and Riza growled. "What in the hell is going on?" She felt like a cantankerous old woman for the way she was acting but damn it! There was no reason to stop! She needed to get to her husband!

"Traffic jam," Bill, the driver, said.

Okay, maybe there was a reason.

"Oh hell what else is going to happen?" Riza stuck her head out of the car widow and looked at the green and white street sign. "Dishowten Street, half a mile from the hospital," she growled aloud. She stuck her head back in, and gathered up Roy's clothing in her arms.

"What are you doing Riza?" Grumman asked.

Riza got out of the car and shut the door roughly. "It's only a half a mile away. I am going to walk there."

"Are you sur..." Grumman trailed off as his granddaughter walked away quickly. His eyes widened over the fact that she was going to walk there on her own. He started to get out of the car to follow but thought about it for a moment. While he didn't like that she was walking on her own, maybe it was exactly what she needed to do. It was part of that independence that she needed to regain. It was part of getting used to being around large amounts of people again.

--

After Phillip was wheeled into surgery, Roy was led to one of the hospital rooms on that floor. Maria, Rebecca, and Denny followed him. The nurse told him to remove his uniform jacket and shirt. His jacket and pants were stained horribly and he knew that they might as well be thrown away. There was no way that those stains would ever come out. Even if it were possible to get rid of them, it certainly wouldn't be worth the trouble.

Maria, Rebecca, and Denny watched as the nurse cleaned his wound. The nurse smiled sweetly at Roy and trailed her eyes as inconspicuously as possible, along his body. Maria and Rebecca wanted to strangle the nurse for checking out their friend's husband. However, when they looked at Roy they saw that he wasn't showing the slightest hint of notice. He was merely staring away from her, seemingly lost in thought. The nurse finished and looked at his face, the sweet smile never leaving her lips.

"Do you not have any clothes to change into? You shouldn't keep wearing those bloody ones. I'll go get you some scrubs. Now, you are sure that you don't have any other grazes?" she said flirtingly.

"Yes, I am sure," Roy said.

The nurse half huffed at her ignored attempts at flirting with him. He'd always flirted back the last time she treated him. Now he showed no familiarity to her in the slightest. "I'll go get those scrubs for you until you can get yourself some other clothes."

She started to leave the room when the door swung open and hit her in the nose. Riza came through, pushing the nurse out of the way. She tossed the clothing she carried to Maria, and rushed to hug Roy. He was knocked back onto the bed he was sitting on with the force of her lunge.

"Ouch!" the nurse snapped and turned to look at Roy who was now upright holding Riza in his arms. "Figures," she muttered, rubbing the bridge of her nose and walking out.

Roy looked down at his wife who was hugging him as if she hadn't seen him in years. He could feel her body shaking and her breathing was rapid, though not the worst he'd seen it.

"You all right?" she questioned. Her voiced was muffled because it was tucked into the side of his neck. She was still hugging him tightly, not letting up in the slightest.

"Yes, I only got a graze to the arm," he said. Suddenly he felt something wet on his shoulder. He pulled her away from his body so he could look at her and saw tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Maria, Rebecca, and Denny were in shock at the outward display of emotion. Especially since the emotional display was crying. Riza would usually be scolding him for being so careless to be grazed the way he did, even if it wasn't his fault.

Roy wiped her tears away with his thumbs. "I'm okay Riza," he said in a soothing voice. "Are you all right?"

She nodded, feeling silly that she was crying. It was just that she was so relieved that he was all right. Suddenly she was overcome by an impulse and just locked her lips onto his, kissing him passionately. She didn't care that their friends were watching. She just wanted to make sure that he was real. She wanted to touch him and kiss him to affirm the fact that he was there and all right.

Roy's eyes widened over the major display of affection she was showing him. However, he soon closed his eyes and kissed her back with just as much fervor. The other officers in the room felt both awkward and touched at the display. Finally, he pulled away from the kiss, put his forehead against hers, and smiled.

"Where's your grandfather?" he questioned.

"There was a traffic jam. My guess is that he and Bill are still in that," she said. "It's about half a mile away from here."

"How did you get here?"

"I walked, well jogged actually."

"You jogged all this way... alone?" he questioned, surprised that she would do such a thing. She was so nervous around people when they went to the park that day.

She blinked at him when the realization of what she did passed her features. "Wow, I did!" she said with a smile. She looked at him and hugged him tightly. "I guess my mind was so focused on you that I didn't think about what could happen."

Maria, Rebecca, and Denny were quite confused over both the way Riza was acting and over the words she was speaking. She was being completely different from normal. What was so special about her walking half a mile on her own? Surely, she'd walked further than that by herself.

"Excuse me," Maria interrupted. The two pulled away from each other and Riza blushed. "Sorry to interrupt this honeymoon moment but here are your clothes. You might want to change."

Riza took the clothes from Maria. "Sorry about the toss," she said.

"It's not a..." Maria noticed the slight tinge around Riza's eye and was startled for a bit. She snapped out of it and forced a smile. "It's not a problem."

"We'll leave while you change sir," she said.

Roy nodded. "See if you can find out anything about Phillip."

Maria nodded and she, Denny and Rebecca left the room, shutting the door behind them. Riza walked over and locked it then turned to Roy.

"Phillip? He was the one shot?"

"Yes, he was coming to have a meeting with me," he said.

"About what?"

Roy tensed up. He hadn't told her about what he'd said in the park. "Let me change first. It will take a while to explain."

Riza nodded and sat down on the hospital bed. Roy went into the small shower room to wash off and afterward came out in only his boxers. She watched her husband as he changed, trailing her eyes up and down his body. Though it wasn't exactly the best time to be admiring him, she really couldn't help it. She was a lucky lucky woman to have a man that looked like Roy. To top that off and more importantly, he was so supportive and loving that sometimes, she really wondered if he was for real. Sometimes she feared it was all a dream; that when she woke up she'd be in the bed in her old apartment and none of this had happened.

Of course, she wished she could chalk up her assault to a mere hellish nightmare but if that meant living without Roy as her husband, she didn't think she could handle that. She couldn't live without him. God, her thoughts sounded like one of those romance novels she read. However, no matter how corny the descriptions of love and feelings were in those books, they were accurate for the most part. Love did sometimes make you think and act like an idiot. Both she and Roy were a testament to that.

Roy buttoned up his dress shirt and picked up his uniform coat. He stared at the hot cotton garment and decided to leave it off for now. He laid it back on the bed and sat down beside his wife.

"Where should I start?" he asked.

"How about telling me how long this meeting with Phillip had been arranged and why you didn't tell me?" she questioned.

Roy sighed. "It's been arranged since the day we met him in the park."

"That figures," she snapped. She was angry that Roy had kept it from her.

"I kept it from you because..." Roy wracked his brain for a reason why he didn't tell her.

"Because I had so much to deal with already? Because I wasn't in the right state of mind to know?" Roy cringed at the tone she used. She spoke in that snappish tone that told him to think thoroughly and carefully about what to say and then proceed with caution. Oddly, a deep part of him was almost happy that she spoke that way. It was similar to the way she acted before her assault. It was the stern straight to business Riza.

"Honestly? No, that wasn't the reason. The reason why is rather stupid."

"I am all ears."

"I forgot," he said sheepishly.

"You really expect me to believe that one?" she asked, turning her head to look at his face. He met her gaze straight on and her mouth dropped. He was telling the truth.

"Wasn't expecting to see honesty there," she said as she studied his features for the familiar signs that she used to tell if he was lying or not.

"I am serious. I really did forget to mention it. I had a lot on my mind."

Riza nodded. "I believe you," she said. She placed her hand on top of his hand that was resting on the bed.

"What did he want to meet with you about?"

"Did Phillip tell you what he did for a living?"

"No he didn't," she said.

"Phillip was a private investigator and was investigating someone and he found out something about someone close to us. He was coming to tell be about something important that he discovered."

"About my rape? Roy, does he know about that?"

"No, I don't think he knows about that. He mentioned that something was off with you in the park but that's all. I have a feeling that whatever he was going to tell me may have a tie in with who assaulted you. He was shot before we even talked about anything.

"I see," she said. "Now brings us to the question. How were you two in a position to be shot at?"

"The guards outside searched him and he was carrying a gun," Roy said. "Obviously they stopped him outside. I got Phillip's ID out of his pocket for him and showed it to the guards. We were about to go inside when a car came around the corner, drove by headquarters, and the occupants opened fire."

"Have they found out who it was?"

"I don't know. They went after it. Armstrong will let us know soon if they find them."

"And obviously you don't know how Phillip is doing," Riza said. She looked down at her lap and sighed. "I should have been here. I shouldn't have let my assault keep me from coming to work. If I ..."

"No ifs," Roy cut her off. "And no blaming yourself. I am relieved that you weren't there. You might have been killed and I can't live my life without you in it."

"Roy it's my job to protect you."

"It's your job to be my wife now as well," Roy said. "That means compromising with me. We are one now, not one-half of two and we have to listen to each other and trust that the other has made the right decision. You chose not to come back to work until you got better. I agreed with that and I still think that you shouldn't have come back."

"Roy...I..." she started but there was a knock at the door.

Riza stood and walked over to the door to unlock and open it. They were expecting Maria, Denny, and Rebecca to be waiting to enter but it wasn't them. It was Havoc and he had a serious look on his face. Riza moved to the side so that he could enter.

"There's news. Armstrong needs you at headquarters."

"About the shooters?"

"Yes, and about something that concerns you and Hawkeye personally."

Riza walked over to Roy and he took her hand. "What do you mean personally?" Riza questioned.

"Colonel Holms was caught in your house today," Havoc said. "In the kitchen."

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	11. Down Instead of Ahead

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 10: Down Instead of Ahead**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were thoroughly researched.**

**For this chapter I stuck as close to the processes of reporting as I could. Sadly, there isn't a lot of information on reporting. **

**Liberties were taken with the laws of which police force and court (military or civilian) would handle Riza's case. The rest of the processes (such as the charges and reporting) are as realistic as possible with the limited research available. **

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**Down Instead of Ahead**

"What did you just say?" Roy questioned venomously. Havoc started to repeat himself but stopped when he saw the way Roy looked.

Roy's eyes were narrowed in a glare that looked like it could melt steel. If Havoc didn't know better, he would say that Roy actually had the ability. It certainly would add a new dimension to his flame alchemy title.

Upon studying it a bit more, chills began to shoot up and down Havoc's spine. Roy looked like a completely different person. It was as if some sort of demonic entity had possessed him. The last time he'd seen that look on Roy's face was when he found out Hughes died.

Havoc looked over to Riza. He hoped that she could get the menacing expression off Roy's face. However, when he saw her state he knew that she would be of no help. He was incredibly shocked over her reactions and his heart broke. The woman sitting on that couch wasn't the Riza he knew. The Riza he knew wouldn't be hugging herself the way she was. Her body wouldn't be shaking like that. The Riza he knew would have already been out of here and wanting to get a hold of the man that broke into their home: the man that invaded their personal space.

"Hawkeye?" he questioned, the concern evident in his voice. "You all right?" When she didn't meet his gaze, he became increasingly alarmed. Riza Hawkeye always made eye contact with people. It was one of the constants in the inconstant world.

Roy looked over at Riza and then pulled her into his arms. This action caused Havoc's worry to increase. There was something more to this than what they were letting people know. The two wouldn't be this upset over a mere break in. Normally, the two officers would all ready be out of here and on their way to headquarters. He knew that they had important papers in their house. Luckily, Holms wasn't caught with any items of importance. Just a few old security cards that he thought were still valid.

"Havoc, would you please go see if Maria and the others have heard anything about Phillip," Roy asked. His tone was very soft and gentle; Havoc guessed that it was because of Riza's distraught state. "After we hear about Phillip's condition, I will go with you."

"We," Riza corrected him, in a soft voice. Roy could tell it had a slight roughness to it conveying that she wouldn't argue about her decision.

"We will go with you." Roy restated.

Havoc nodded. He wanted to stay and ask what was wrong. He wanted to help his friends with whatever problem weighed over their heads. Sadly, he knew it wasn't his place to pry. If they needed help, they knew he would be there. He knew that they would reveal what happened if they ever felt the need to do so.

Havoc looked at his friends one last time before leaving the room.

--

The realization that her rapist was caught suddenly overwhelmed her. "Oh god," Riza said and buried her face in the soft fabric of Roy's shirt. "I feel so...weird."

"Weird?" Roy questioned.

"I never thought I would feel this relieved. Now that I know he can't come back after me, I feel like one of my burdens has been lifted."

"You thought that he would come back after you?" he asked, with surprise. He knew she'd been watching her back but he thought it was to only guard against other people.

Riza nodded and he began stroking her long blond hair. "He will never touch you again Riza. I won't let anyone lay a hand on you ever again. I am sorry that I couldn't prevent him from doing so the first time."

"You couldn't have known," she said. "I never blamed you in the slightest. Today, Doctor Lawson made me realize that it wasn't my fault. That I shouldn't blame myself for the actions I'd taken that night. I did nothing that warranted being raped. Nothing warrants such a despicable crime! I still have to repeat that it's not my fault and why in my head over and over again. Someday I think I will be able to come to that realization, and I will no longer need the repetition of those words."

"She's right; it's that bastard's fault!" Roy growled. She felt his body tense up and his pulse increase.

"Don't lose your temper when coming face to face with him," she said. Roy pulled her away from him. He gripped her upper arms and looked her in the eyes.

"Lose my temper? Riza my temper was lost the moment I saw you sitting on that kitchen floor!" He yelled, incredulously. She shut her eyes tightly, willing the flashbacks of that night to stay away from her mind. She took several deep breaths, trying to direct her mind onto something else. She soon opened her eyes and saw Roy looking at her, worriedly.

"Doctor Lawson said I should close my eyes and take deep breaths if I feel a flashback coming," she explained.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you to -"

"Don't worry," she interrupted, lifting a hand to rest on his cheek.

"I'm sorry, it's just…I want to kill the bastard for hurting you. I think it would be the only kill I would never regret."

Riza gazed into his eyes. The fury he was feeling within him was burning brightly in the deep onyx depths.

"I hate him too. He forever changed our lives and I will never forgive him for it. However, if you or I were to hurt him or kill him, it would only ruin our lives even more. That's why you need to keep your temper restrained." Riza was attempting to sort her jumbled thoughts in her head. It was filled with hatred, disgust, self-pity, and worry. She had to find some sensibility within her so she could calm things slightly.

"You expect me to let him get away with what he did?" Roy yelled in outrage, standing up, and causing her to cringe. "He hurt the love of my life and you expect me not to hurt him?"

"I expect you to let the courts punish him and please…stop yelling."

Roy gazed at the unshed tears in her eyes as she looked up at him. He kneeled down in front of her and laid his head on her lap. "I'm sorry, please don't cry anymore. It's just... I hate him so much."

"I know but we should just let Armstrong and the military handle him. We have conclusive evidence that will stand up in cour…" Riza's eyes widened and a mixture of absolute shock and horror appeared on her face. She shook her head. "I … I can't!" she exclaimed.

Roy grabbed her hand.

"You can't what? Riza, what can't you do?"

"I can't report it! Everyone will know!" she said, looking down at him with fear. "They will need a testimony from me. To get him tried people will have to have a statement from the victim! I just can't do that!"

Roy sat beside her on the bed, not letting go of her hand. "People will know and … they'll hate me. They will think I am just a filthy human being." She turned her head to look at him. "They will look down on you too for staying with me: for having a … tainted…wife."

"Tainted? Riza you aren't tainted. That bastard is the tainted one. What he did was a complete disregard for a human being!"

"People won't see it that way," she said. "The victims almost always get the blame. People see rape victims as dirty. People just don't understand."

"You've never cared what people thought before," he said.

"That was before we got married. Now what I am reflects-"

"You aren't anything bad. You are a beautiful woman who survived a heinous crime. If someone says anything different then bite back. You've never let yourself be talked down on before your rape. You shouldn't now. You are still that strong woman you've always been, you have just been extremely shaken. You will come out stronger than you've ever been, you will rise above this."

"Still strong? I cry more than a newborn now," she said.

"What was it that you told me when Maes died? What did you say when I tried to hold back my tears at my apartment that night; when I said I shouldn't be so weak. "

"Roy what does that have-?"

"Answer me; what did you say?"

"I said it takes a strong person to release tears at the time of tragedy. It takes a strong person to admit that they hurt."

"Yes," he said, looking at her expectantly.

"Now I feel like a hypocrite," she said, her tone mixed with a bitter laugh.

"You aren't a hypocrite. You just needed reminded of your own words," he said. "All of us need reminders sometimes."

Riza nodded.

"There's something else though Riza. I did a bit of research a while ago; just in case you ever decided to report it."

"Oh? What did you find?"

"You don't have to reveal who you are to the public. You will only have to testify in court if it goes to trial," he said. "

"If?"

"He may plea bargain," Roy said. "It depends on the circumstances."

"So who else will I have to talk to?"

"Armstrong or another military officer will most likely lead the investigation since its military related. You may have to tell him what happened and the prosecutor and defense attorney have a right to interview you as well. They will get the rape kit information and compare DNA. You name will be on records but it doesn't mean everyone will know. They'd have to search for your name in records and the case specifically. "

"You… you did all that research for me?"

"Yes," he said.

"You really care that much about me? You don't think I am dirty?"

"Of course I care and I never thought you were dirty Riza." He kissed her softly on the cheek.

"What if I decide not to prosecute on the rape? Not to reveal it."

"It's your choice. I'll support whatever decision you make," he said.

"What do you prefer," she asked.

"Honestly?"

"Yes," she said.

"I'd prefer we prosecute the bastard," he said.

She smiled and kissed him. "Thank you so much," she said.

"What for?"

"For always being honest with me."

"You're welcome," he said. He stood up, put on his uniform jacket, and extended his hand to her. "Let's go see if they've heard anything about Phillip yet."

"All right," she said and left the room with him. She held his hand tightly as they made their way to the waiting room where the others were probably sitting. They all stood when Roy and Riza entered.

"You hear anything yet?" Riza asked.

"Yes, the doctor just came out. Phillip was shot in the back of his right clavicle. It shattered his bone and tore a lot of tissue. Fortunately, he had a lot of muscle there that lowered the bullet's damage. He's sedated and in the recovery room now. The doctor said he should be fine but he'll need a bit of physical therapy to get full use of his arm," Maria said.

"That's good to here. Can we see him?" Riza questioned.

"No, not yet," she answered. "Only his family is allowed in to see him. They've been notified and are on their way."

Roy nodded. "Then there's nothing we can do here. Not until his family gets here and he wakes up."

Riza's stomach was nauseous. In a few minutes, she would be telling what happened to Armstrong and possibly even more people.

"Sir, we should-" Havoc began.

"Yes, let's get going," Roy said, before he could finish.

The group walked out of the hospital and spotted Grumman walking toward them.

"Everyone's all right grandfather," Riza said.

"That's good to here. Didn't I tell you that they would be?" Grumman questioned her, a small smile gracing his lips.

"Yes, you did," she said, returning his smile.

"We have to get to headquarters. They found someone that broke into our home," Roy said, staring directly into Grumman's gaze.

"I see," Grumman said, easily understanding what Roy was trying to convey to him.

Roy and Riza got into the car with Grumman as the others got into the other vehicle. They pulled out of the hospital parking lot first, and Grumman's car followed. All was silent at first then Riza said. "I'm reporting it."

Grumman looked at his granddaughter and nodded. "Are you sure you are ready. Since you are military, it does fall under military protocol even though he may be a civilian. I assume the military police made the arrest yes?"

"It was in our house which is provided by the military, so yes," she said.

"Security at the gate did it?" Grumman questioned.

For some reason, Riza's stomach felt sick when he asked that. It was already queasy because she was going to talk about her rape but now it literally felt like she was going to throw up at any moment. Her palms were sweating and she was trying to keep from shivering.

"No, a…Riza?" Roy questioned, recognizing something was wrong.

She looked at him and smiled reassuringly. "I'm all right. Just nervous that's all," she said, not being sure at all if that was the reason for her feelings.

She was scared at the thoughts that were going through her head. She wanted to scream that she was wrong and just scared of reporting it. However, in the back of her mind, something told her that her rapist hadn't been caught after all.

They arrived at the investigation section of headquarters and the group walked inside. Riza grabbed Roy's arm, stopping him before he could enter the building. "Roy, I don't think he did it."

"Pardon?" Roy said, honestly thinking that he heard her wrong.

"Colonel Holms, I don't think he was the one. Even though he broke into the kitchen I don't think he was the one."

"Are you sure?" he said. He didn't want to question her. Riza had never been wrong on her hunches before but he prayed she was wrong this time. He wanted the bastard that did that to her to be put behind bars as soon as possible. If it wasn't Colonel Holms then that meant the rapist was still out there. Moreover, it was too much of coincidence that Holms was caught in the kitchen.

"No, I'm not absolutely sure. I have to see him. I have to hear him speak," she said.

Her stomach flopped again at knowing she could possibly be coming face to face with the man who raped her. The man whose face was still blurry to her and whose voice she knew she'd remember if she only heard it one more time. She didn't want to, she was scared to death hear it again, but she knew that to confirm it was him she'd have to do so.

Roy nodded. "I will stay with you the entire time."

"Thank you," she said.

When they walked into the building, Armstrong instantly walked up to them.

"What do you want to know first?" he questioned, in a very un-Armstrong like manner. His tone had a tinge of tiredness to it. Who wouldn't be tired after all of today's events being piled upon him?

"The shooters first," Riza answered. "Did you catch them?"

Armstrong nodded. "They were paid shooters. Since their crime was committed on military property then they will be tried by the military. They won't reveal why they were hired but they did reveal that their target wasn't Roy. We think they have ties with someone the military has been trying to catch for a while now. With this capture, we might have him. If we can get the men to talk that is."

"Phillip," Roy said. "He was a private investigator. Maybe he ran upon something and they thought that he was reporting it."

"They must have been trailing him if they knew he was here," Riza said.

"Regardless, we won't know anything more until we can talk to Mr. Marrow. We can keep them confined for attempted murder." Armstrong said.

Roy nodded. "He should be awake in a few hours. His family is on their way here. Also, get two military policemen to guard his room. We don't want anyone creeping in."

"Can that be done sir? Phillip isn't military." Maria spoke.

"He is now part of a military case. He is entitled under law 45milab to military protection."

Everyone looked at him strangely and with shock, including Riza.

"How in the hell do you know the exact law number?" Havoc question. He was so shocked the cigarette he usually kept in his mouth had fallen out.

"Roy?" Riza questioned, looking at him oddly.

"I spent a few hours reading up on some laws," he said, meeting her gaze.

"Oh, I see," she said, realizing when he could have done so.

"Armstrong walked over to a desk and picked up a phone. After a short conversation, he hung it back up and walked back over to them.

"Two military policemen are on their way to the hospital. Now, I suppose you want to see Colonel Holms. The judge is reviewing his case now. It looks like he'll be booked with, burglary with intent and aggravated burglary."

"Aggravated?" Rebecca questioned. Havoc had told them of the burglary of Riza and Roy's home during their time in the waiting room.

"He was carrying a gun. Even if he had no intention of harming anyone, carrying a weapon during a burglary makes it aggravated burglary."

"Makes sense," she said. "Because he could do possible harm with it if a situation appeared. Also carrying a weapon is an automatic threat to the safety of the house's occupants."

Armstrong nodded.

"You may have to add another charge," Riza said, looking down at the floor. She laughed inwardly realizing that she'd spent more time looking down since her rape than looking ahead. Down instead of ahead… that made sense. If she kept looking down, not seeing the things around her, not seeing that life moved on, then she would never move ahead in her own life. The rapist would win in that aspect. She wouldn't give that bastard the satisfaction.

She raised her head and met Armstrong's gaze, just as the old Riza would have. She knew everyone had their eyes focused on her.

"I need to speak to you first," she stated, her voice slightly stronger than normal. This change didn't seem like a big deal to anyone except Roy and Grumman.

Armstrong nodded.

"Privately," Riza said. Despite the simple yet difficult realizations she'd gone through in such a short time; she didn't want too much revealed about her rape. She took Roy's hand and he squeezed it tightly.

"This way," Armstrong said, leading them to an empty interrogation room. The others were left standing there, surprise on their faces over Riza's request.

"If they feel the need to tell you about it you will know," Grumman offered. He then left the investigation section and confused subordinates behind.

* * *


	12. What Meet the Eyes

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 11: What Meet the Eyes **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were thoroughly researched.**

**For this chapter I stuck as close to the processes of reporting as I could. Sadly, there isn't a lot of information on reporting. **

**Liberties were taken with the laws of which police force and court (military or civilian) would handle Riza's case. The rest of the processes (such as the charges and reporting) are as realistic as possible with the limited research available. **

* * *

**What Meet the Eyes **

Riza felt chills wash over her body as she stepped into the interrogation room. The steel grey walls, tables, and chairs made it look particularly menacing; like she was about to be interrogated like some criminal. Even the scent of the room had a sharp metallic smell that added to her queasiness. Armstrong must have detected her discomfort because he offered to get her some coffee.

"I don't want any coffee but some ice water would be really good. That is…if it's not too much trouble."

"No trouble at all. I'll be right back," he said, leaving the room.

"You all right?" Roy questioned.

Riza nodded. She walked over to the chair that was pushed under the table and pulled it out; cringing slightly as the legs scraped against the floor. She sat down; making sure that her back was facing the wall opposite the door. She crossed her legs, resting one of her arms on the table and the other across her lap.

Roy studied her for a moment before walking over and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you sure?"

Before she could answer, the door to the room opened. Armstrong walked in carrying a pitcher filled with ice water in one hand and a filled glass in the other.

Roy moved behind her, placing his other hand on her other shoulder. He felt her body tense up for a moment, and then relaxed slightly. She was currently in a tense situation so he didn't expect her to be completely at ease.

Armstrong handed her the glass and sat the pitcher on the table, before going around and sitting down across from her.

Riza lifted the glass to her lips, letting the cool water wash over her tongue and down her throat, soothing the rough dryness. She sat the glass down and turned so that her legs were under the table and she was facing him.

"You might have to book him on charges of…" Riza trailed off. She couldn't speak the word. She cursed in her head repeatedly, filling her mind with various expletives; so many that it was as if they mentally overflowed, making her speak aloud. "Damn it."

Why couldn't she say the word? She'd said it aloud to Roy, to her grandfather and to Doctor Lawson. Armstrong was a friend right? She should be able to talk to him. Once again, a barrage of questions bombarded her mind. What if Armstrong took the rapist's side? What if the entire place did? What if they saw her as so filthy that she didn't deserve to press charges? Was she doing the right thing by reporting it? Would reporting it be of any benefit to anyone? Would it bring anything other than embarrassment to her and Roy?

Riza mentally punched herself for taking her thoughts in that direction. She ran her session with Doctor Lawson through her mind; resurrected every word of encouragement and comfort that Roy spoke in the past weeks; and told herself that she wasn't the criminal, but the victim! Sadly, recalling all of those events did very little to calm her nerves or worries.

Armstrong stared at Riza. He didn't let it show but he was overwhelmed with surprise at her actions. She hesitated to meet his gaze when she used to meet it dead on. Her voice was shaking slightly as she spoke and she was very hesitant with her words. Normally she would have just bluntly stated what she wanted to say. She was truly different and he didn't know how to react to her now.

He stared at her familiar features and suddenly realized that the woman in front of him was still Riza despite the personality change. If he treated her differently then she would sense it and might close herself off. There was a definite reason for this change and he was both curious and scared as to what that reason might be. Until he knew it, he would be as supportive as possible. No, he would be supportive even after knowing the reason for the change. He could tell by her mannerisms that she needed it. He had a feeling there was a trust issue on her part that attributed to her hesitation. He would reinforce the fact that he could trust her. That he wouldn't betray anything she said to him.

"Lieutenant, take your time," he said. "You've known me for years; you can trust me. I won't betray you; I swear it. "

Riza looked at him and met his resolute gaze. "I know I can trust you. It's just… things are difficult."

"Whatever it is I will try to the best of my ability to help you with. As an officer and a friend."

"I know," she said. It stayed silent in the room for a moment. She looked up at Roy when she felt him squeeze her shoulder.

"I can tell him if you aren't ready," he said, upon seeing how incredibly difficult this was for her.

She shook her head. "You have no idea how much I wish I could let you. You have no idea how much I wish you could snap and burn all of what happened away into ashes. I can't let you keep taking care of telling people about this. You do it with no shame whatsoever and I can't figure out how you do so."

"I told you; there's nothing to be ashamed of," he said.

Those words hit her like a ton of bricks. Sure, he'd said them to her before and she'd heard them from her grandfather and from Doctor Lawson; but to hear them said in such an easy manner. To hear them spoken at a time when she wasn't visibly breaking down was a completely different thing. It was as if she was really hearing them now. It was as if they were coming in so clear and amplified tenfold.

"I have to rely on myself to tell what happened. I have to do this. It's a way to recover my self confidence and so I can learn to cope with what happened."

Roy nodded, his lips moving into a slight smile. He was proud of her words and the fact she had found the courage within her to speak them.

She made herself meet Armstrong's gaze.

"Please, this is very hard for me to reveal. Until I tell the entire event, please don't ask me any questions or interrupt my words."

"You have my word Lieutenant," Armstrong said.

"Thank You," she replied. She took a deep breath and thought about the many possible ways to begin what she wanted to reveal.

"Today wasn't the first time our house been broken into," she started. "It was broken into around three weeks ago. Give or take a few days. It's a time that I want to forget but know I never will."

Armstrong looked surprised. She knew it was because he hadn't heard about it and he was in command of the investigation unit; answering only to Roy.

"No one told you about it because we never reported it to begin with," she said, answering the question she knew was in his mind. "We didn't report it because …something else happened during that break in. I was afraid to report it."

She raised her hand to rest on the hand that Roy had on her shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. She took a deep breath to calm her rapidly pounding heart and tried to relax her body as best as possible. This was it. She was going to speak what had happened aloud to someone else. Granted he was a friend but that made it no easier because she knew that reporting it meant literally recording it on record.

"Whoever it was that broke into our house three weeks ago... the person... he... he raped me."

Riza's mind and body were now going haywire inside. As she spoke each word in that sentence, her body felt like it was becoming a tad bit lighter. It was like another huge burden in her mind was slowly being chipped away, as if it was a block of stone or ice.

"He stabbed my hand with a knife and…" Riza stopped to gain her thoughts back in order and to calm down a bit. She was starting to shake and her throat was becoming scratchy.

She picked up the pitcher and started to pour some water into the glass. Her hands were shaking so much they could barely hold it up. Armstrong reached out a hand and steadied it so she could fill the glass. Riza thanked him; sat the pitcher back onto the table; and lifted the glass to her mouth, drinking all of the water before sitting it back down on the table.

She took another deep breath then another, trying to regain her thoughts. She stared down at her hand resting on the table. Her fingers were in a bent position like they were clawing but the pads of her fingers were pressed down onto the tabletop. The place under the nail was red while the rest of the finger around that area was white from the lack of blood circulating throughout it. She let her gaze drift to the place below her knuckles, to the place where the rapist threw his knife. She wished the scar would just go away so she wouldn't be reminded every time she looked at her hand.

She could almost feel the pain she felt when she looked and saw it embedded there, when she dropped her gun and her entire world shattered. She could almost feel his breath on her and his menacing voice overpowering her; making her feel like a helpless little bitch. She could remember how he treated her like a fucking item there for only his amusement. Like she was some sort of property that was being violated. She lifted her hand to her head, her fingers spread, shielding her eyes and face. She began her deep breaths once again.

Roy kneeled beside her. "Flashback?" he questioned.

She nodded rapidly.

"Remember where you are Lieutenant. You are with friends," Armstrong said. "The rapist isn't here."

Roy looked at Armstrong with a surprised look. Armstrong just offered him a nod. Roy returned it, understanding that Armstrong realized Riza's need for affirmation of her where she was and who was with her.

"I know," she said. "I know that." Her voice sounded so desperate. Like she was still fighting, and in all actuality, she was fighting. She was fighting against a horrible memory.

She continued taking deep breaths and began pushing the flashbacks away. She kept telling herself that they weren't real. That the nightmare she went through was over and that she wouldn't go through it again. She tried to focus on the present instead of the past. Don't look back or down but look ahead. She kept repeating the small line in her head.

"Don't look back or down but look ahead," she said, aloud.

Roy and Armstrong understood what she meant. It was quite a good thing to remember. Not just for victims of assault but for anyone looking to move away from a tragic event in their lives.

She finally relaxed and brought her hand down from her face to rest on the table. She had to continue. She wanted to hurry and get this out. "He pressed me against the dish drainer and said he wanted what Mustang had, and that began with me. Then he said… he said that he was a nice man and I wouldn't feel a thing. Then he knocked me out. I … I know I remember recognizing his voice at that time. Now for the life of me I can't remember who it was. I don't remember waking up or sitting there in the floor. I don't remember Roy coming into the kitchen. All I remember is looking at Roy and finally recognizing who he was. That's it, that's all I can really tell you."

Armstrong stared at Riza. He displayed a calm look on his face but if one looked in his eyes, they would see abject anger. For the first time in his life, he didn't know how to respond to something. The skill of dealing with something like this definitely hadn't been passed down the Armstrong line for generations. He ran all the protocol and training he knew thorough his head, trying to stay professional yet at the same time be a supportive friend. He cursed the fact that law enforcement, military or otherwise, weren't better trained to deal with victims of rape and other assaults.

"I have to say it certainly points to Holms," Armstrong said, after a period of silence. "He was after some blackmail apparently. You neighbor; Major Hannigan, was walking by and saw the kitchen door broken down. He said he knew the two of you had been gone for a while so he walked inside to investigate. He saw Colonel Holms walking into the kitchen carrying papers that turned out to be your old IDs. He used his alchemy to subdue him then called security, who in turn, called us. The major said that while he was calling security, Holms was trying to turn him against Roy. He mentioned things like blackmail and important papers that were probably stashed away somewhere that would bring you down."

"There aren't any papers or anything he could blackmail me with. Holms is full of hot air," Roy said, turning to Riza for confirmation, which he didn't receive. Instead, he was met with a different sight.

Chills shot up Riza's back once more and she felt her blood turn cold. She shivered once and the next thing she knew Roy's jacket was draped over her shoulders. While her shiver wasn't attributed to actual coldness, she was thankful for the gesture and, as many times before, the familiar mixture of the cologne and smoke scent she associated only with Roy.

Suddenly, a sentence in Armstrong's words popped in her head and screamed at her. "Wait, do you mean that the kitchen door that leads directly outside was broken into?" She questioned.

"Yes, it was that one. Why?" Armstrong asked.

"The first time he entered through the front door. The door didn't seem to be broken at all and it was wide open when I arrived home. I drew my gun and went inside to investigate. Stupid I know."

Armstrong shook his head. "It was instinctive. I would have done the same thing. However, we don't have substantial proof that Holms raped you that night. Not enough that will hold up in court. All of it is circumstantial evidence. The "if he broke in once that meant he did it again" circumstance, wouldn't hold up in court …"

"We went to the hospital and had a rape kit done. I have the tag number in my purse," Riza said. "If it matches that should be enough."

"I see. We can use that and that will place him at the burglary that night but there's another problem. We can't prove that…" He trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. He knew it wasn't the case with Riza but he also knew that the lawyers for Holms would most likely argue that as a defense for their client.

"We can't prove what? Go ahead sir," she said, calmly.

"We can't prove that it wasn't willing," he said.

"Willing!" Roy roared, standing up from his kneeling position beside Riza. "What in the hell do you mean by that? If she'd been fucking willing then she wouldn't be fucking reporting it. She wouldn't have been in that kitchen floor among all of that gla..." he started but stopped. He didn't want to remember that night any more than Riza did. "You should have seen ho…" his voice started, in a lower tone, cracking slightly as he spoke those few words.

Riza laid her hand on Roy's arm. "Roy, I know what he means. He's not saying that he believes it."

Roy nodded. "Yes, I know. I just didn't think. Just saying you were willing is…" He looked over at Armstrong. "I'm sorry for losing my temper at you like that."

"I know. I meant that the lawyers may argue that case."

"My state that night, the photographs taken, and the environment in which it occurred will give my case strong proof. I was beaten up pretty bad so that should prove my unwillingness. That will say something right? It will convey I was assaulted. I mean I may not look my best normally but the photos taken of me that night will make me seem like a Miss Amestris beauty contestant."

"Then first we will have to get the rape test from the hospital then a court warrant for DNA testing and see if there's a match. Then there will be even more proof. After that, you'll have to consult the military prosecutor of your choice. You'll most likely have to repeat the incident several times. Are you prepared for that?"

Riza nodded. "I expected that," she said, her voice still shaking slightly. She hated the thought of having to reiterate the incident numerous times but she if wanted the bastard behind bars, it was necessary.

"Also, they may ask you about your sexual history," he said.

"They won't get much there," she said, laughing lightly. "Roy's the first and only that I've had sex with. What the rapist did was assault and violation, not sex."

Armstrong nodded. "Very well then," he said.

"There's something else that I need to do before I decide if I am going to go through with pressing charges."

"What's that?" Armstrong questioned.

"I need to see Holms. I need to hear him speak; I need to look into his eyes. I want no doubt in my mind that it's him. I have to see him face to face with no one-way glass between us. Is that possible?"

"We can arrange that. We will have to ask him if he wants his lawyer present. If not we can't proceed right away. Now are you absolutely sure you want to see him?"

"I am sure," she said.

"I'll go in with you of course," Roy said.

"I'll have to accompany you as well," Armstrong said.

She nodded.

"If it does turn out to be him, you will have to…"

"Let's wait and see if I know for sure," she said, cutting Armstrong off mid-sentence.

Armstrong stood, walked over to the door, and turned to look at her. "I'll have him put down the hall in interrogation room B and send someone to get you when we have done so. Come whenever you are ready."

"Thank you," Riza said.

He nodded. "Same strong woman," he said, and then left the room.

Riza was shocked. He didn't hate her, he didn't thing she was dirty, he didn't think she was lying, and he didn't blame her for what happened. He was the same honest Armstrong that always treated her with respect. The thing she was most thrilled over was that he was blunt. That he told her what he knew she may experience and he didn't hold anything back. Being treated the same as before her rape meant so much to her. She knew that while she wouldn't ever fully be the same person; she needed to be treated normal and not like she was standing out from the rest of the world.

She took another deep breath and found herself laughing at what she was doing. She'd been doing that so much lately that she could write a book on the healing properties of deep breaths. She exhaled and the sound of it leaving, shuttered. Roy kneeled beside her once again. She scooted her chair out and turned so she was facing him. He rested his arms on her lap and looked up at her.

"You did good Riza. Hell you did great," he said.

"He… he doesn't hate me Roy," she said, the surprise evident in her voice.

"No, he doesn't and no one else will. If they do they are either ignorant or completely stupid and heartless."

She lifted her hands to his head to run her fingers through his hair. Suddenly she moved to rest on her knees; pressing her body to Roy's; and wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He smiled and returned it wholeheartedly.

"I'm… I'm so scared Roy," she said. "I'm still so scared of him. I am so sick of having so much fear in me. Fear instilled by one stupid bastard. I've been up against men with guns and homunculi but I can't get rid of the terror at the thought of the person who did this to me."

Roy pulled her closer to his body and stood. "There's no shame in being afraid. Just remember that I will be there for you. Anytime you are afraid you can grab my hand or move near me. Remember that he won't touch you ever again. I won't let anyone touch you that way again. I swear it. "

"You sound like one of those knights in fairy tales," she said, with a tiny laugh.

"Sir Mustang; I like the sound of that," he said.

"You would," she said aloud, then muttered, "You are my knight."

"What was that?"

"Nothing," she said.

Roy pushed her away slightly to stare at her face. She wasn't crying but of course, he could tell that she was more upset than what she was visually expressing. He wanted to lean down and kiss her but the door to the room opened before he had a chance.

Denny came in the room and saluted. "Colonel Holms is in interrogation room B. Major Armstrong sent me to get you. Holms waved the right for his lawyer to be present."

The two looked at him for any signs that he may know about what they told Armstrong. He looked at them no different than he normally would, indicating that he knew nothing. Of course, Armstrong did give his word not to reveal it to anyone.

"Thank you," Riza said.

Denny let the two officers' step out of the room first then left as well, closing the door behind him.

Riza and Roy walked down the hall to the interrogation room. Riza took a peak through the small window in the door, to look at him. She remembered seeing him quite a few times but only speaking to him once. She never knew his name or anything to that regard.

She found herself wishing that all rapists had a special look about them. Something that screamed what true lowlifes they were. Something that would warn people about what they really were.

This man looked like a nice guy. He looked like the average man that a person would see walking down the streets of Central. He wasn't what she expected at all. She expected him to look more ragged and less… clean. She expected him to have a menacing aura about him, that would even be obvious from just looking through that window. An evil aura like Frank Archer or Kimbley had possessed when they were among the living.

"You ready to go in?" Roy asked.

"Could you give me a minute alone out here?"

"Yes, I'll go on in if you don't mind. I have a few questions for him. I promise that I will tell you everything that happened while you weren't in there. I'll tell you after this is over and done with."

"You knew I was going to protest to you asking the questions without me there?"

"I know you too well," he said. "I just want to ask about why he wanted to blackmail me."

"I see," she said. "I don't mind. I'll come inside in a moment."

Roy smiled at her and this time he got a chance to kiss her softly before going into the room.

* * *


	13. Guilt on All Sides

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 12: Guilt on All Sides**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were thoroughly researched.**

**For this chapter I stuck as close to the processes of reporting as I could. Sadly, there isn't a lot of information on reporting. **

**Liberties were taken with the laws of which police force and court (military or civilian) would handle Riza's case. The rest of the processes (such as the charges and reporting) are as realistic as possible with the limited specific research available. **

**Note: There's a lot of profanity in this chapter. The most I've used in a long time for a story. **

* * *

** Guilt on All Sides**

Roy walked inside, his gaze instantly narrowing when it fell on Colonel Holms. The man stared at Roy for just a moment before leaning back in his chair nonchalantly. He was seemingly very comfortable in his current situation.

"Should I be afraid of that look?" he asked, clearly not threatened in the slightest. "My lawyer will have me out of here by tomorrow morning.

"Why did you do it?" Roy asked, his voice clearly minatory. He ignored everything that Holms previously said. All he wanted to do was snap and kill the man before him. With the way he was acting, Roy had even more reason to believe that he was the one that raped Riza.

"Do what?"

"Don't play stupid with me!" Roy snapped.

"You should be used to it, being around the people that support you. They have to be stupid to kiss your ass all the time. Especially Lieutenant Hawkeye. Oh, but that's Lieutenant Mustang now isn't it?" he said.

"You will do good not to mention my wife," Roy said. His blood was boiling and it took every bit of self-control he had to keep from setting this man on fire. Roy reached in his pocket and pulled out his gloves.

"Is that supposed to make me feel threatened Mustang?"

"That's General Mustang," Roy said, in an angry and superior manner. He handed his gloves to Armstrong, who took them without hesitation. He knew that if Roy possessed them he might be tempted to use his alchemy on Holms. That would create a lot of trouble for both him and Riza. It was trouble that the couple just didn't need at the moment.

"General Mustang," he said, scoffing. "You don't deserve that title. That little woman of yours is more deserving of the rank than you are. That's probably the reason she kisses your ass... no... wait ...she kisses more than that, Doesn't she? Probably spends a lot of time on her knees right? You ever consider that she sucks your cock and lets you fuck her because she wants higher up in the ranks?"

Riza chose this time to walk in the room. Armstrong cursed; she couldn't have come in at a worse moment. Well, if Roy had been killing Holms she could have.

"There's the little woman now. Tell me Mrs. Mustang, what's the real reason you married and fuck this bastard?"

She took a step back at the way he spoke. It couldn't be… No…

"I can fuck you better than he could. Why not let me have a shot at you and you can see for yourself who has the bigger and better rank?" he then laughed at the statement he made.

As soon as those words were out of his mouth, Roy lunged at him. He grabbed him by the collar and pushed him up against the wall. His hand was fisted so roughly in the fabric that it was turning red and the veins around his knuckles were popping up. Roy's heart was beating so loudly and roughly that he could hear it and feel it pumping blood through the veins in his neck. His eyes were narrowed into menacing slits and his teeth were grinding so roughly that it made his jaw hurt. His face was a light but no less scary looking, red and a layer sweat could already be spotted accumulating on his forehead.

"So you did do it you fucker? You fucking touched my wife the first time you broke into our home! Didn't you? You sick asshole!"

Holms' eyes widened. "What in the hell do you mean touched her? What in the hell do you mean by that!" he gasped out. Roy's grip on his collar was cutting off air to his lungs making it hard for him to speak. His entire body was aching because of the forced impact against the metal walls and his neck was hurting horribly because of the shirt tightly clinched around it.

Armstrong rushed over to Roy and pulled him away from Holms. Holms fell onto the floor and popped himself up to sit against the wall. He gasped for breath and his eyes were widened, expressing the shock over what Mustang had just spoken. He looked over at Riza who didn't look the part of the stern Lieutenant he always saw. She was tenser and had a mixed look full of both disappointment and worry on her face.

"Let go of me Major, that bastard raped-"

"It wasn't him," Riza said, cutting Roy off. She walked over to stand in front of her husband. "Please, let him go Major."

Armstrong did as she asked and Roy started toward Holms again but Riza stopped him by placing a hand on his chest. She stepped closer to him and lifted her other hand to rest on the cheek of his sweaty and red face. She stroked it and looked into his eyes.

"It wasn't him. His voice, it isn't the one I heard that night," she said. "Just relax. He didn't do it."

"But those words," he growled, directing his gaze to Holms' who was now staring into space. He looked like he was in complete shock and didn't know what to do.

"They are just words; that's all. It's nothing worth getting in trouble for," she said. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

"So we haven't found him yet," he said, the disappointment evident in his tone.

Riza's shook her head and gasped, trying to hold back the sobs and tears of frustration that she felt were about to leak from her.

"Get him out of here Armstrong. Book him on the charges you have. Find out more about why he…"

"It wasn't me who broke in that night," Holms said. "But I know who it was. It's my fault… I'm… I'm sorry. I am not a rapist!"

Riza pulled away and looked at him quizzically. Tears were falling down her cheeks, a testament to her failure to hold them back. He looked up at Riza and Roy. They were shocked that he had such a horrible look in his eyes. Not one of malice but one filled with grief and guilt.

"I… hired someone to break in that first time but damn it! He wasn't supposed to do that to you!" he said, looking directly at Riza, his voice scratchy and full of pain.

Riza took a step toward him, her eyes filling with tears. "You know who did it? Please tell me!" For one of the few times in her life, she was pleading with someone.

"I… I hired the guard to break in and search for information while you were out."

Her eyes widened and she fell to her knees. Right when Holms said it was a guard, the owner of the voice hit her.

"Gregory," she said softly, completely stunned. It was that kind guard. That was why his voice was so familiar! Because she spoke to him every single day. She felt like an idiot! How could she not know? How could she not remember? Because she didn't remember, they went through more grief than necessary. She put Roy and her Grandfather through all that trouble! She was pathetic!

"Gregory?" Roy questioned, kneeling beside her. He wanted to make sure he heard right. "Gregory did it?"

Riza nodded rapidly and pushed herself into his arms, knocking him back so he was sitting down on the floor. "It was Gregory! Oh God it was him!"

Roy was frozen. All this time the man was there watching them. He was probably waiting for the time to strike and Holms gave it to him.

A man that he trusted to protect his home was the one! He wanted to go and fucking kill the son of a bitch.

"That was his name! Shit, I gave him the opportunity to... He wasn't supposed to hurt the Lieutenant. I swear I didn't know he was going to do that. I swear I didn't," Holms exclaimed.

"Are you willing to testify to this in a court?" Armstrong questioned.

"Yes, I will!"

"Tell us what happened."

"I paid him to use the key set in the shack to get access in the house and look for some papers that would blackmail Mustang. He seemed really eager to do so. After Mustang was brought down from his high horse, I said I would pay another tidy sum. He refused that, saying he'd have what he wanted after he got the papers. I … didn't know that the bastard was going do that! I swear!" Holms was literally a heap of nerves. "Rape is disgusting. Only the lowest of the low would rape anyone. I am not a rapist!"

He kept repeating the fact he didn't know about what Gregory was going to do. He wanted to make sure that he wasn't blamed for raping Riza. He didn't want to be stereotyped as a rapist. He also truly felt guilty that Riza had to endure something like that. She could get over Mustang being humiliated but something like rape; how could someone get over that? He wanted to kill Gregory, and obviously, he knew Mustang felt the same way.

"Armstrong, have someone go and bring him in for questioning."

Armstrong nodded and walked to the door.

Riza pulled away from Roy and they both stood. She wiped her eyes and glared at Holms who was also moving to stand.

"I… still despise you for breaking into our home," she said.

Holms turned to look at her. He looked like a completely different man from the one they saw when they first walked in the room.

"I hate you for trying to ruin my husband."

Holms nodded in response and understanding.

"And I still hate Mustang," he said.

"However, I don't blame you for what happened to me," she said, her voice cracking several times as she spoke the sentence.

The three men in the room looked at her with shock. "If I blamed you I would have to blame myself. I would have to blame Roy, or the people who made the rule about leaving a set of keys at the guard shack gate. I can't do any of that. None of us knew what the prick was going to do. You may have hired him to break in but you didn't hire him to rape me."

"How…how can you just…" Holms fell to the floor once more, resting his back against the wall.

"My rape isn't your fault. It's Gregory's," she said, her voice cracking even more. She hurried and walked to the door where Armstrong opened it for her to let her through. Roy quickly followed. Armstrong issued orders to two men and they came in and took Holms back to his cell.

Armstrong walked up to them, as they were waiting for him in the middle of the hallway.

"May I see Gregory when you get him?" Riza questioned, "This time through a one-way window. I couldn't do the face to face again. I still…I still need the voice confirmation: for recovery reasons. "

Armstrong nodded. "That is possible. However, it will be a while before that can be done. It will probably take a few hours. We will have to read him his Miranda rights and he gets a lawyer if he wants one during his questioning and when you see him.

"All right," she said with a nod.

"I'll have some officers arrest him and bring him here. The officers will only be told why to bring him. Not who's accusing him of it." Armstrong said.

"You don't need a warrant?" Riza questioned.

"Not for questioning," Armstrong said. "We have probable cause for an arrest so no warrant is needed. We have two witnesses for the crimes he's committed. Automatic arrest can be issued."

Riza nodded and walked away quickly. Her world was spinning as she approached the group of friends waiting at the main desk. She felt like she was going to be sick. All of the stress that had been thrown upon her that day and the fact that she was going to see her real rapist, Gregory, made her a nervous wreck. She felt so shameful acting this way. She was a military officer. She had been under more stress than this, so why was this affecting her this way! It had to stop. She couldn't do her job if she kept this up.

"Hey Riza, What's…" Rebecca said but stopped when she saw her friend's pale face. Riza rushed past them and ran into the ladies room.

"Riza!" Maria yelled. She looked at Rebecca and they both rushed into the bathroom.

--

Riza pulled open the stall door and fell to her knees, she began retching all of her stomach's contents into the toilet. However, it wasn't food. It was most likely the painful stomach acids that usually came when one had an empty stomach. Her throat burned like someone made her drink battery acid. Tears came to her eyes and her nose began running. Her face was red and she had to reach one hand behind her to hold her hair back away from her face. That put her in an even more uncomfortable position.

She finally stopped throwing up and took deep breaths trying to get air. Finally, she turned around to see Rebecca and Maria standing there. She was startled and moved back against the wall of the stall before relaxing when she fully realized who it was.

"Riza what's going on?" Maria asked in a worried voice.

Rebecca and Maria turned when they saw Roy rush into the ladies room.

"General! This is the women's-" Maria started to say but Roy interrupted her.

"Like I give a rat's ass," he said moving past them and kneeling in front of Riza.

"It seems like we spend more time sitting on the floor than we do standing nowadays," she joked, trying to lighten the tension she and the others were feeling.

He grinned, took out his handkerchief, and wiped the tears rolling down her face. She smiled softly.

"Okay, I am confused," Maria said.

Two women came into the room and Rebecca glared at them. "Everything's occupied. Come back later."

One of the women started to say something but the other saw Rebecca's look and guided her friend out of the bathroom quickly.

Riza and Roy stood and Riza gazed at her two best friends. "If I…if I could tell you what is going on I would but as it stands now I can't. I'm not ready."

Maria and Rebecca nodded. They really wanted to know what was wrong with her but had to respect her privacy.

"You should get back to work," Roy said to the two women.

"What? You expect us to go back to work when our best friend is …like this?" Rebecca said.

"He's right," Riza said. "You all should get back to work. I will be alright."

"But Riza," Rebecca protested. She didn't want to leave her friend in the condition she was in. She knew Roy was with her and Roy was her husband, but for some reason she could never bring herself to truly trust him. If Riza did then it should have been enough, but it wasn't. Then again, Rebecca had trouble trusting any man so that wasn't surprising.

"Are you ignoring General Mustang? I do believe my husband told you two to get back to work," she said. It wasn't in a stern tone but a simple and calm manner.

"Yes…but…" Rebecca started, and then sighed, deciding to give up her protests. "All right."

"Make sure the others return to work as well," Roy said. "Not just you two."

"Yes sir," Rebecca replied.

The two women left the ladies room hesitantly.

Roy turned to the toilet, lifted his foot, and pressed down the handle to flush the contents. He then turned back to Riza.

"We should probably leave the ladies room," she said.

"Yes, last time I checked I wasn't physically qualified to get access in here. I hope that if one is really worried about his wife that it validates as a temporary pass."

"I think you'll be fine," she said, with a slight laugh lacing her voice.

They walked out of the bathroom and into the main area. Riza was relieved to see that their friends had followed Roy's orders and gone back to work. She didn't think she could face them at the moment. For the short time Maria and Rebecca were there in the bathroom with her, she felt uncomfortable.

"Armstrong said that it would be a few hours before we could see Gregory. What do you want to do until then?"

"Shouldn't you get back to work as well?" she questioned.

"You have got to be kidding. After what happened today do you think I can honestly concentrate on work?"

"Can you ever concentrate on work?" she retorted.

"Good one."

Riza nodded and smiled softly.

"You hungry?" she asked.

"A bit? Are you?"

"I don't think it would be a very good idea for me to eat anything at the moment but I would like a cup of lemon tea. I think it's safe to assume that you haven't eaten since breakfast yes?"

"You would be right," he said.

"Then you should have something to eat," she said. "Let's walk to that diner we used to go to before we started dating. The one that serves the best tea in Central."

"The one that Matt Swiger owns? Nature's Haven?"

"Yes, that's the one," she said.

"Riza, that's a twenty minute walk from here," he said.

"What? You can't walk about a mile and a half?" she teased.

Roy smiled. "Of course I can. Are you sure you are up for a walk though?"

"Yes, I need to get out more and I need the fresh air," she said.

Roy walked over to the door and opened it.

"Let's go," he said. "If I remember correctly, they had a really pretty waitress there." He cursed himself inwardly for saying that. He'd forgotten about Riza's self-esteem issues for a moment. Before he could correct himself Riza walked by with a small smile on her lips.

"And if I remember correctly, you are a married man," she said, making her way outside.

Roy grinned. "Yes and happy to be that way," he said softly, following her.

When he caught up to her, he put his arm around her shoulder. Riza smiled at him. She still wanted to walk closer to Roy than she did before the rape but now she felt the need to look over her shoulder as often, wane slightly. She would still tense up if a man walked by and brushed her shoulder but she didn't tense at people merely walking by her.

She stared at Roy who looked deep in thought.

"What's on your mind?" Riza questioned.

"Nothing, we can discuss it later," he said.

"I've wanted to talk about something with you," she said. "I've been thinking about it for the past few days."

"Sure, what is it?" he said.

"The house," she said. "Since they will probably investigate the kitchen area for things, we should talk about it."

Roy nodded. "That wasn't at the forefront of my mind at the moment but yes we need to talk about that."

"It wasn't in mine either, but I am trying to momentarily forget about what's going to happen in a few hours."

"Yes, I understand that all too well. Anyway, the house."

"I don't want you to get angry with me over this. I know we both put a lot of work into it and you really love the house but…"

"I want to move out too Riza," he said, knowing what she was about to speak.

She looked at him, surprised. "You do?"

"Why does that surprise you?" he questioned. "It was where my wife was… hurt. It brings back horrible memories for the two of us. I don't want to live there anymore either."

"Then we can move?"

"Yes, of course," he said. "Any ideas to where you'd like to go? When you 'd like to leave your grandfather's house."

"There's a house down the street from my grandfather's place. I haven't seen it but I know most of the houses there are much different from the one we own now. I was wondering if we could check that one out. Marcie told me about it. She also said there was one nearby in the Maple Ridge community," she said.

"When do you want to check them out," he questioned.

"Your next day off," she said.

"Saturday," he said. "Are you sure you are ready to move out of your grandfather's place?"

Riza nodded. "I am but according to Marcie the one down the street is a real fixer upper and…"

"It will be our house though after it is fixed up. It could be a project of ours," he said. "Something to take our mind off of things. I can probably fix most of the problems with a bit of alchemy. Then we can decorate it the way you want."

"The way we want," she corrected

Roy nodded and smiled. "The way we want."

Riza wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned into him as they continued walking toward the diner.

* * *


	14. Being Forever Changed Yet The Same

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 13: ****The Realization of Being Forever Changed Yet the Same**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were thoroughly researched.**

* * *

**The Realization of Being Forever Changed Yet the Same**

Roy and Riza soon arrived at the diner and walked up to the door. He opened it first to let her in before going in himself. She tensed slightly when he came in behind her but it wasn't anything that someone who didn't know her would notice. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "It's almost the same," Roy said. "I figured it would change a lot more than it has in the two years since we've been here."

"Yeah," she said looking around. The place was still as lovely and casual as it always was. The floors were the same brown laminate that they'd always been but had a bit more of a shine to them. The walls were still the light blue with tons of pictures of various types of flowers hanging on them. The booths were moved slightly down to make room for a jukebox machine against the far wall and a small dance floor. The music was slowly drifting through the diner making everything seem even calmer.

Roy nodded over to a booth beside the jukebox. "There's our old spot," he said.

She looked up at him and smiled. "You remember where we used to sit?"

"Of course," he said. "I'm a hopeless romantic, remember?"

They walked over and took a seat at the booth. Riza sat across from him as she used to do.

Almost as soon as they sat down, a waitress came up to the table. She smiled brightly at the two. "Well! I remember you two! It's been a long time! Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye right?"

"Actually it's Lieutenant Mustang down," Riza said.

"So you two tied the knot! It's about time. We waitresses had a running pool going on whether you two would ever get married. Looks like I won!" she said with glee.

"You are Marge right?" Roy questioned.

"Yes, right! Glad you remember me. Now, what can I get you?"

Roy lifted his menu and gazed at it for just a moment. "A club sandwich and a glass of milk would be fine for me."

"I just want some…give me a chocolate milkshake," Riza said, suddenly changing her mind.

Roy looked at her and smiled.

"You got it," Marge said, leaving the two alone.

"A chocolate milkshake?" Roy questioned with a humorous underlying tone.

"It looked so good on the menu that I couldn't resist. You know I have a love for chocolate," she said.

"Yes, but it seems so…not you to order that. You are usually more health conscious."

Riza frowned and looked back down at the menu. "I can always just cancel that and order tea," she said softly, as if he hurt her feelings.

Roy's eyes widened. He didn't mean to make her feel bad. God he needed to think more about the repercussions of his words before he spoke. He stood and moved over to the side she was sitting on. He sat down beside her, wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and pulled her closer.

"No, don't do that. What I said didn't sound right. What I meant was the fact you ordered that, took me off guard. You did say you wanted tea before. There's quite a difference between tea and a milkshake. And you usually never have sweets when you don't have dinner first."

"Are you saying I shouldn't have it because I'm fat?" she snapped.

Roy looked at her incredulously. She went from a sad demeanor to a grumpy one. "I didn't say that!" He was quite confused, as to where she got that.

"I mean I know I don't have a model type body like those women in the magazines you used to read, but I am not fat," she said, her tone back down to a lower, less anger filled one.

"I didn't say anything about fat," he said, his voice rising slightly. "Riza… you are confusing the hell out of me."

She turned to look at Roy sadly. "God, I'm sorry. I know you didn't mean that by those things you said. I am being such a mood killer. You have been nothing but sweet to me today and I am repaying you by being a moody bitch."

Roy hugged her. "Don't worry about it Riza. You have a perfect right to be moody," he said, leaving out the bitch part. "I mean look what you've been through today. Hell, what you've been through these past few weeks."

She glared at him. "You weren't supposed to agree with me."

He backed away slightly, thinking she was serious. That glare usually meant she was prepared to maim someone.

"Um...should I leave?" he questioned.

She shook her head, laughed lightly, and cuddled closer to him. She had to admit, she was a bit uncomfortable with this much public display of affection, but she needed it nonetheless. "All this had to come when I'm PMSing." Riza muttered.

Roy laughed and hugged her closer. His gaze drifted over to the jukebox and he got an idea.

"Want to dance?" he questioned.

She leaned up to look at him oddly. "What?" she asked incredulously.

"Do you want to dance?"

"Here?" she questioned.

"Sure, why not?"

"There's no one else dancing," she said.

"So?" he said.

"People will stare."

"So?" he replied with a grin. He walked over to the jukebox and took a coin out of his pocket. After going through the songs, he found the perfect one and pressed the button corresponding with the track. A sweet country ballad came over the speakers and he walked back over to her extending his hand. She blinked at it then looked up to his face to see a small smirk. He knew that she couldn't say no when he looked at her like that.

She smiled at him and put her hand in his as he led her over to the small dance floor. He wrapped his arms around her waist as hers folded around his neck. He pulled her against him tightly and felt her tense for a moment before relaxing minimally. She was nervous at being up there dancing in front of people. He bent his head to her hair and took a deep breath, taking in her sweet scent. He felt her breath against his neck as she rested her head on his shoulder, hiding her face. He knew it was likely that she was blushing. He knew all the others in the diner were smiling sweetly at them. They weren't looking at them with any kind of negative emotion like Riza thought they were.

He bent his head down slightly so he could sing the lyrics to her lowly, in her ear, his smooth voice giving her chills. "So I wait, and I try. I confess like a child. She's my kind of rain, like love from a drunken sky. Confetti falling down all night. She's my kind of rain. "

Riza felt overwhelmed with emotions as he sung the beautiful song. She hugged him tighter as he continued to sing the lyrics. Her body relaxed against his as butterflies filled her stomach. She felt like it was the first time she'd ever danced with him. She forgot about all the people watching them and just drifted off into her own world where it was she and Roy, dancing alone. In a world where everything was perfect and no one got hurt. She knew when the song ended they would be thrust back to harsh reality but until then, she would enjoy and treasure this solitary moment in time.

The song ended and Riza pulled away from Roy and blushed. She looked down at the ground as everyone in the diner clapped and a few "awww's" and "lucky girl" were heard from the women. Roy took her hand and led her back to their booth.

"Everyone was staring," she said.

"Yes, but it was good staring," he said.

She looked up at him and smiled slightly. "Yes."

Marge walked up to the table with their orders. "That was so adorable," she squealed. "You've got yourself quite a catch here honey," she said to Riza, while sitting the chocolate shake down on the table in front of her.

"Yes I do," she said and was surprised to see a blush appear on Roy's cheeks.

Marge sat Roy's sandwich and milk down in front of him. "Got any brothers?"

He looked up at her with surprise. "Sorry, just three sisters," he said.

"Damn, the good ones never have brothers," she said, and walked away. Roy blushed even redder at the comment the waitress made. Suddenly, Riza started to laugh. Roy looked up at her quizzically.

"What's wrong?" he questioned.

"I've never seen you blush before."

"Really?" he asked. He took a drink of his milk then a bite of his sandwich.

"In all the years I've known you and all this time we've been together you've never done it."

"I must have," he said.

"No, you haven't," she replied. She took a sip of her milkshake, which turned out to be one of the best things she ever drank before in her life. She chalked it up to the fact she was so thirsty, PMSing, and craving chocolate. They didn't speak another word until Roy was finished with his lunch and Riza was finished with her milkshake.

"You ready to go?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered.

They both stood and walked over to the register to get their bill when Marge didn't bring it over.

"We'd like our bill," Roy said to her.

"You don't have one," she said.

Roy and Riza looked surprised at her words.

"An elderly couple that was here loved watching your dance so much that they paid for your lunch. They said it reminded them of their first date."

"Are they regulars here?" Riza asked.

"Yes, they come in for lunch once a week," she said.

"Will you thank them for us?" Riza questioned.

"You act like you won't be coming back here for a while. Please don't be strangers. And yes, I will thank them for you."

"We'll be back," Roy said, wrapping his arms around Riza's waist.

They left the diner and began the walk back to headquarters.

"That was sweet of those customers," Riza said.

"Yeah, I agree. This feels like a date doesn't it?" he questioned.

"Yes, it does," she said. "It's nice. The milkshakes there are great."

Roy laughed. "You just enjoyed the milkshake?"

"Not only that," she said with a shake of her head.

"I would hope that wasn't the only thing you enjoyed."

"No it wasn't the only thing. I mean the booth seat was comfortable and the service was excellent," Riza said.

He looked at her with a fake pout, causing her to laugh.

"The company was the best part," she said moving her arm around his waist. She loved walking close to him. Not only because she felt protected but also because she loved being near him. She'd always known, even before they'd been able to date publicly, that he loved her. Neither of them had been able to express their love publicly due to the fraternization laws.

As soon as those laws were lifted, it had shocked Riza when she saw how affectionate Roy actually was. She was also proud to say that she was the object of said affection. Even during his "playboy" days, she noticed that he never kissed or held the hands of the women he dated at all. Those women hadn't been military so the frat laws hadn't applied to them. Therefore, she was surprised at the way he acted around her on their first date.

On their dates, he couldn't keep his arms from encircling her body or keep from kissing her every few minutes. He did sweet things like give her flowers in public and yell I love you out in the park, getting everyone's attention. The dance back at the diner was her new favorite. Especially him singing to her softly.

"I take that back," she said.

"Take what back," he questioned.

"The company isn't just the best part. I really liked you singing to me. Would you ever …" she cut herself off and scolded herself for thinking of the silly question that she was about to ask.

"Would I ever what?" he questioned.

"It's nothing, never mind. Forget I said anything."

"What were you going to say?"

"It can wait."

"Riza! Come on," he said in almost a whiny manner. "I am an alchemist. Curiosity is in my genes. You can't just leave me hanging like that. If you do I will be thinking about it all day."

Riza looked down and blushed lightly. "It was silly," she said.

The two crossed the street and walked through the gates of headquarters. Roy stopped her and pulled her behind one of the stone pillars.

"What is it?" he asked. "It can't be that silly."

Riza looked at him. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"I promise," he said.

"I was going to ask if you'd ever consider singing for me again. Not just when we are dancing like that, but when we are alone too. Maybe when we are listening to the radio or something."

Roy grinned. "I don't know why you want to hear this voice of mine but I'll sing to you anytime."

She smiled and kissed him on the side of his mouth. It was a small kiss that she didn't give him often. She called it a sugar kiss and she gave it to him when he was looking or acting particularly sweet. He certainly earned it today. Roy never understood why she thought the kiss was so special. She probably would never tell him why, or the little nickname she had for it.

"What is with that kiss?" he asked.

"I'll never tell," she said teasingly.

"I'll get it out of you someday."

"Don't count on it," she replied.

He took her hand and smiled. They walked out from behind the pillar and Riza suddenly froze when she saw the big stone building of Central Headquarters.

"I… oh god I feel so stupid," she said suddenly. She jerked her hand away from his and went back behind the pillar. Roy blinked with surprise and followed her.

"Riza?" he questioned as he looked down at his wife.

She was sitting on the ground, her back leaning against the stone pillar and her knees were pulled up to her chest.

"I am so stupid," she said again. "My emotions are just…ugh."

Roy took a seat beside her. "Why? Why are you calling yourself stupid Riza?"

"Because I let the pleasure of the last couple of hours cloud reality. I let it all give me the illusion that everything was all right in the world. That nothing changed." She turned to look at him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Things have changed Roy. They've irrevocably changed."

Roy lifted his hand to take the one she rested on his shoulder. He brought it to his mouth and kissed it. "I am not going to lie to you Riza and say they haven't. I am not even going to try and fool myself into believing nothing's changed either."

"There's nothing we can do to fix it!" she said. "It's forever going to hang over us like some thick horrible fog. I'm forever changed Roy. I…I'll never be the woman you fell in love with again." Tears slowly dripped from her eyes. She pulled her hand away from his and wiped them away. "I am so damn tired of being moody. I am tired of making everyone miserable."

She looked down. "Maybe it would be better if we…maybe we should end this."

Roy's eyes widened and his heart began speeding up. Surely, she couldn't mean what he thought she did.

"En…End what?"

"Our marriage," she said. "You…you wouldn't be nearly as…"

"Just fucking stop your words and thoughts right there Mrs. Riza Mustang," he snapped, his anger resonating vividly through his voice's tone. He knew he should have restrained his anger but damn it. To hear the words end and marriage in such a close proximity pissed him off.

Riza was shocked at his tone. Roy had never spoken to her like that before. "Roy…"

She was taken by surprise when he grabbed her arm and pulled her into his embrace.

"You told me to be honest with you at all times and I am going to do just that. I want you to stop talking like a damned idiot," he said, this time his voice softer but the anger still evident.

"I am not an idiot," she protested. "I'm being realistic."

Doctor Lawson had told him that there would be shifts in mood and relapses but he never imagined that she would suggest a divorce.

"Hush and listen to me," he said. "And I want you to listen well. I don't care how many times I have to say this to drill it into your head but I love you. I love every single part of you and nothing is going to change that. You will always be the woman I love Riza, even though this damned rape happened. This is just a part of your past, a bad part that will forever exist. Things have changed yes, but you are still the kind, strong, brave Riza that I have always admired and loved. I am not going to stop loving you for changing because it's a part of life."

He kissed the top of her head before continuing.

"Human beings are always changing. While this and Ishbal were experiences that changed you, hell they changed us both, and so did our marriage. Did it not?"

Riza pulled away slightly to look at his face. "I don't understand. Are you saying our marriage is bad? That you regret it?" She was scared for a moment. Despite her saying that they should end it, she didn't really want to. It hurt to think for a moment that he thought their wedding was a mistake.

"No, that's not what I am saying. I am saying that our wedding was something wonderful for us. It changed the events of our lives and it changed us. Instead of living for just one person, we are now tied to each other through our vows, not just military ranks or goals. And if we ever have a child, we will be changed again. I took my vows at that wedding for better or worse. I love you so much, that I will let you go if you decide you would be happier without me. If you decide you don't want me in your life and if you don't love me. It will hurt but I want to see you happy. Do you love me?"

"More than anything in the world Roy. That's why I offered to let you go. I don't want you to be unhappy," she said and laughed bitterly. "We've been through this before haven't we?"

Yes, we have. I want you to remember something though."

"What's that?" she questioned.

"I would never be unhappy with you. Now I want you stop the ridiculous talk about divorce, me leaving, and my love for you. Anytime you get to feeling that way just come to me and let me hold you and tell you how much I care, all right?"

She nodded and sighed. "I… I don't think I want to go in there today. I don't think I can face him right now. I need to go home and regain some of my composure before I see the bastard that raped me."

"Let's go in and tell Armstrong that you aren't ready. He can hold Gregory in there for as long as he wants. He has probably cause."

They both got to their feet.

"Could you go and let me wait here? I don't want to set foot in there right now. I can't."

Roy nodded. "I'll go. Are you sure you will be alright here by yourself?"

"Yes, I am sure," she said.

Roy nodded and kissed her gently before leaving her.

Riza leaned against the pillar for a moment before she heard something behind the wall nearby. Fear shot through her as she stared at the wall beside the pillar.

She opened her purse and reached in it to grasp a small pistol she remembered having. She didn't want to touch another gun for a while as evident by not wearing her holster. However, her grandfather had insisted that she at least carry one in her purse. She complied with his insistence, more for his peace of mind than her own.

"You behind the wall! Come out with your hands over your head." she said, holding her gun so she could make a quick shot if needed. She screamed at herself. She should have ran away. What if she froze again like the night of her rape. What if she failed again and put Roy and everyone around her through even more grief. Her hands were shaking and she suddenly held the gun tighter to still her hand.

She couldn't freeze; she wouldn't do that ever again. Her life and the lives of those around her depended on her steady mind. She took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes at the wall when no one came out.

"Come out right now! I know you are there!"

Her eyes widened when Maria and Rebecca came out, hands above their heads and shocked looks on their faces. Riza blanched.

"How much did you hear?" she asked in an almost fearful tone. What if they found out about her rape? She would lose her friends! She loosened her grip on the gun.

"Everything," Rebecca said. "We heard everything."

* * *

_**AN: I was struggling with how Maria and Rebecca were to find out if they did. Suddenly I just started typing and it came out this way. Sometimes life takes a turn and things happen that you don't want to and you find out things in a way less than convenient. **_


	15. Lighter

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 14: Lighter  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were thoroughly researched.**

* * *

**Lighter**

Maria and Rebecca slowly lowered their hands. Riza removed hers from her purse. She stared at them, unable to speak a word. Her emotions were a jumble until finally one gained dominance over the others, anger. She snapped her purse shut and held it tightly in her grip, her hand turning red at the pressure she was applying to the black leather sachet.

"Riza you were..." Maria started, stunned at what she'd just heard spoken between Riza and Roy.

"Don't say a word!" she yelled. She was angry and she didn't know which thing she was more furious about. The fact that they now knew about her rape or the fact that they'd eavesdropped, which violated something she now treasured more than ever, her privacy. "How dare you listen in on our conversation?"

"Why didn't you tell us what happened to you?" Maria questioned with concern.

"Answer me damn you!" Riza snapped. Her emotions were going haywire once again. The horrible things that her two friends could possibly be thinking about her ran through her head. They probably thought she put herself in that circumstance. That she asked for it by going into the house and into the kitchen; they of course, didn't know where it happened. They probably saw her as a whore, as a filthy tramp. She didn't' see herself as those things but that didn't' mean their minds would see her situation he same way she saw it. She didn't want to lose her friends. She didn't want them to hate her.

"Riza we are so …sorry," Rebecca said. The pity evident in her voice and eyes. She wanted to kill the man that touched her friend. She didn't understand how Riza got in such a situation. How it happened.

That was even worse! Riza thought. She didn't want to be pitied either. She didn't want people to look at her as if she couldn't do anything for herself. She was angry that anyone would do that. She might not be at top form but she wasn't a helpless child that couldn't change her clothing on her own. She wasn't someone that couldn't be in a room by themselves for longer than five minutes.

"You should have walked away when you heard us talking! I didn't want you to know!" she snapped.

Rebecca took a step toward her. "Riza we …"

"Stop it," she said. "Just stop it!"

Maria frowned and walked up to stand beside Rebecca. "Riza, what kind of situation did you get yourself into that got you..."

Although, Maria didn't mean it to sound horrible that sentence made Riza extremely angry. How dare she ask such a question! Riza's blood felt like it was boiling.

The humid day and the brown sweater that she wore did little to help the heat that was engulfing her body from both the outside and in.

"What in the hell do you mean what I got myself into? Do you think I asked to be raped? Do you!" she yelled. Her voice was loud, angry, and cracked as she spoke.

"No I didn't' say that!" Maria said. "I…that didn't come out the way I wanted it to."

"You shouldn't have fucking listened in! You shouldn't have! You weren't supposed to know what happened to me!"

"You weren't going to tell us?" Rebecca questioned. "God Riza we could help you. We are you're…"

"I don't want your pity and I don't want any lies!" Riza interrupted.

"Lies? What are you talking about?"

"I am talking about you pretending that you are still my friends. Like you want to be around someone who's been raped, and that you want to help me! That you want to help the poor little woman who was fucked over by a …"

Riza was cut off when someone grabbed her arm and pulled her close. She instantly relaxed, knowing it was Roy. "Hush Riza," he said. "Shusss… It's okay… It's okay…"

"They listened in! Violated our privacy … it was violated again. I was… I feel like…"

"Sir we…"

He smiled up at the two women. "I trust you will keep this quiet?"

Both women nodded.

"Armstrong needs some help on this case. Since the two of you already know what happened, I am assigning you to it."

Riza tensed. "You can't," she said, her voice muffled in her jacket.

Everyone's eyes fell to Riza, looking at her with surprise.

"Would you two go over there next to that tree for a minute?" Roy questioned, motioning to the tree in the middle of the courtyard.

They nodded and walked over to the place they were directed, out of earshot from Roy and Riza.

Roy pushed Riza away from him slightly. "They already know Riza. They would be good for Armstrong to use. He won't have to tell any other officers that way."

She looked up at him. Her face was pale and coated with a sheen of sweat. Her eyes were red and she was shaking. "But then they'll know everything. I didn't want anyone else to know."

"Riza," he said, "They are your friends. They love and care for you. I can tell they are concerned about you."

"They think it's my fault," she said.

"No they don't," he said, reassuringly.

"Yes they do. Maria… She asked what kind of situation I got myself into to get raped!"

"She probably didn't mean to word it that way," he said. "In fact, I am sure of it."

"I want to go home," Riza said lowly.

"Then we wil-"

"But we…we don't' have one. We have my grandfather's home but we don't have one!"

"We will," he said. "We will have a beautiful home. Just the two of us. It will just take some time. For now, let's go back to your grandfather's house. All right?"

She nodded.

"If you really don't want Maria and Rebecca to help Armstrong, I'll assign some other officers."

"No, they can…" she said, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him.

"You should go tell them. I will wait here. As cowardly as it is, I don't think I can face them right now either."

"It's not cowardly Riza." He bent to kiss her forehead. "They will understand." He said pulling away and making his way to Riza's two friends.

Bawled

--

"I'm such an idiot!" Maria said. "I don't… I didn't mean for what I said to her to sound the way it did!"

"I know. I didn't want her to think that I pitied her, but I was! I still am! I feel so much pity for her I can't stand it! Why did she think we would think those things about her? That we would lie to her. I'm so confused. Weren't we always there for her before?

"I … I don't understand her line of thinking. I understand why it's so traumatic but I didn't think it affected people this way, not to this extent. I didn't think that it would change someone so much. I didn't think this would ever happen to a friend."

"I know what you mean. It seems like it always happens to the other person. Then when it does happen to someone you know; it comes completely from left field." Rebecca leaned against the tree and sighed. She turned her head to look at Riza and Roy; then smiled.

She didn't care much for Roy, never did, but now she was slowly changing her mind as she watched them. She always deemed Roy as an arrogant playboy with a god complex and never understood what exactly Riza saw in the man. She was even against her marrying him, though she kept her mouth shut about it. She could tell that Riza really loved him but she had her doubts about that love on Roy's part. Now she saw how wrong she was. Hell, she saw how wrong she was when they were at the hospital together. It was seldom that they were ever that affectionate to each other in front of their friends. Rebecca blinked. Come to think about it, other than the wedding and the hospital today, she'd never seen them interact very much.

"Hey, the general is coming this way," Maria said, breaking Rebecca from her thoughts.

Roy walked up to them. "Riza didn't mean any of that," he said.

"We know that," Rebecca said. "We are glad you showed up. I've never seen her, for a lack of better words, flip out like that."

"Riza's agreed to let you help Armstrong but he won't need too much help. Gregory has already confessed to the rape. Armstrong wouldn't give me all the details now because of the stress of the day. He's supposed to let me in on the details tomorrow. Right now I just want to get Riza home and let her rest."

"Is she going to be alright?" Maria questioned looking at Riza, who had her arms crossed and was leaning against the pillar.

"I hope so. I am doing my best to keep her thoughts in a positive zone. The main issue is to assure her that she has people that care and that she's not a burden. It's frustrating because one minute she's fine and the next she's down on her knees crying. I know it's frustrating for her as well. She thinks that she's not getting better but she is. She's only seeing the negative side of her actions instead of the positive."

The two women turned to look at Riza, worry written across their faces.

He smiled at them. "Don't worry about her. I'll take care of her."

"We know you will," Rebecca said. "But telling us not to worry about her is like telling a priest in Lior to not worry if he was caught with a hooker." She cringed at the reference. "Sorry."

Roy laughed. "It's alright. I know what you mean."

"Take care of her," Maria said. "Is there anything we can do to help you two?"

"There are some books in the local library about rape that I'd like you girls to check out if you wouldn't mind. I think they can help you and help you help Riza."

Maria and Rebecca nodded. "We will go check them out after work. If there's anything else we can do to help her, let us know."

Roy nodded.

"Oh sir," Maria said. Roy turned to her, surprised that she didn't call him by General Mustang like normal.

"We put the gifts from the office, in your car. I figured I'd tell you since some of them might cheer Riza up a bit," she said. "Well, as much as one can get cheered up."

"Thank you second lieutenant," he said and walked away.

--

"You ready to go?" Roy asked Riza as he approached her. She nodded and moved away from the wall. She took his hand and they made their way to the car. Roy got out his keys and unlocked the door, opening it for his wife. She smiled at the sweet gesture and kissed his cheek before getting in. He shut the door behind her, went around the car, and got in the driver's side. She glanced back in the backseat and saw many boxes stacked there.

"What are those," she questioned.

"Late wedding presents from people at work," Roy answered, shutting his car door and sticking the key in the ignition. He shifted the car into drive and pulled out of the parking spot and through headquarters vehicle exit. When they got halfway home, Roy felt Riza scoot over to sit close to him. He took one hand off the wheel so that he could put his arm around her. She rested her head against his shoulder and sighed.

"Sorry I am being so clingy," she said.

Roy laughed. "I like you clingy," he said.

"You probably get sick of me, right?" she asked.

"You aren't going to start questioning my feelings again are you?"

"I just don't see why you put up with me," she said.

"Why I put up with you? Riza, I've been wondering why you've put up with me all these years."

Riza yawned and laughed. "Because I like you," she said simply causing Roy to laugh again.

"I like you too," he replied as he stopped at a red light. When he didn't receive a response, he looked at her. She was asleep, her head resting on his shoulder and her hand gripping his jacket. He grinned and brought his focus back up to the light. When it turned green, he made his way back to Grumman's place. When they arrived at the gates to the neighborhood, Riza woke up.

"We are almost there," Roy said. Riza rubbed her eyes and nodded.

"That must be the house Marcie was talking about," he said, motioning his head to the large Xingese style house, with the for sale sign in the yard.

"She didn't mention it was a Xingese style house," Riza said.

"Does that really surprise you?" he questioned.

"No, not really. She did say it was a beautiful house and she's right."

"Looks like the realtor is there," he stated, noticing the realtor van as they drove by. "Want to go back and see if it's still for sale? If you are up to it that is."

Riza nodded. "Let's go check it out," she said. Riza needed to get her mind off things and looking at a possible knew home would relax her for a while. Besides, the sooner they got a new home the better. As much as she loved her grandfather, she didn't want to impose on him much longer. She knew he didn't see it that way but she did. She wanted her own home again. A place that she shared with the man she loved. She needed the normalcy that living in her own home could bring her.

Roy made sure there was nothing coming in the other lane and nothing behind him before he made a wide, and illegal, U turn. Riza glared at him but she didn't say anything about the move. He pulled up in front of the van and turned off the motor.

They got out of the car and made their way up to the gate. The lady was putting another sign up. She looked up at the couple and smiled.

"Can I help you?" she questioned.

"Yes. Is this house still for sale?"

The woman nodded. "Yes it is."

"We'd like to take a look around and inside if you don't mind," he said. "I would say we have a healthy interest in it."

"If I may ask, are you newlyweds?"

"Yes, we are," Riza answered.

"Lovely," she said. "This house would make a perfect first home. I won't pretend that it doesn't need a lot of work, but it certainly is worth it."

Roy nodded and Riza took his hand.

"Let me show you around then," she said, leading them up to the front porch. She grabbed her keys, opened the door, and moved to the side, so that they could enter first.

Riza and Roy were instantly taken the moment they walked in the house. The first thing that caught their eyes when they entered was the stairs. The banisters were simple block type but they were a gorgeous shiny black. The floor was also a beautiful shiny black tile. It was almost as if it glistened in the sunlight.

"Let me show you the living room first," the realtor said. "Oh," she extended her hand. "I am Leigh Blackburn by the way."

"I'm Roy Mustang," Roy said, shaking her hand. "This is my wife Riza." Riza shook her hand as well.

"Mustang, why does that name sound so familiar?" she said. "You wouldn't happen to be the flame alchemist would you?"

"Yes," he said.

"Well my goodness! Never thought I'd be showing a house to a state alchemist. Well, I am not really showing yet am I?" She said with a laugh.

"Please, this way to the living room."

She led them to the living area. It had the same black tiled floor as the stairs. On the side of the room that was facing the road, was a very large picture window. Toward the back was a pair of very elegant double doors with handles that were in the shape of swords. There was a white marble fireplace that contrasted with the floor beautifully, but it was in disrepair.

"It's a pity about the fireplace. The previous owners of this house had no regard for the beauty of this place."

Roy whispered to Riza. "The fire place is easily fixable." She smiled softly and nodded.

Miss Blackburn walked over to the double doors and opened them up. "There's no deck out here but it would be a gorgeous place to put one." Roy and Riza walked over to the doors. The woman moved out of their way so they could get a good look into the backyard. Their old house didn't even have a back yard. They had a small lawn in the front and that was it.

"Well, I suppose you want to see the kitchen next, yes?" she questioned.

"Roy felt Riza tense up for a moment at the mention of kitchen but she relaxed a second later.

"Yes, we would," she said.

The lady guided them back toward the entrance then through a door to the right. The first room they entered was not a kitchen.

"This is supposed to be a dining room but as you can see the previous owners saw it more as a game type room." She shook her head. "That wooden shelf that is built there covers a gorgeous fireplace," she said, moving her head slightly toward a huge unsightly shelf.

Roy and Riza nodded. This room would take a lot of work if they chose to buy this house.

"The kitchen is this way," Miss Blackburn said.

Roy wrapped an arm around Riza's shoulders and they walked through the door to the kitchen. Riza was relieved to see that it wasn't anything like their old kitchen. This one was painted a very ugly green and Riza was curious to find out what that lime green covered. The floor was the same beautiful black tile that covered the rest of the rooms they'd seen.

The layout was also different. In their old house, there were cabinets just on a small wall where the sink was located and the wall beside it. In this kitchen, the sink was against the wall and had cabinets around it but there were also cabinets on the left and right walls about six feet down. There was a space between the cabinets on the right and left. Riza assumed they were for a stove and a fridge. There was a white marble kitchen island in the middle of the room, which was something she knew Roy would appreciate. He always mentioned about putting one in their old kitchen.

"There's a Xingese style stove on the right side of the island. There's an oven there as well. The previous owners either didn't know what it was or didn't like it because they put a normal Amestrian stove in. There's supposed to be cupboards on the right but they tore them out."

She turned to face Riza and Roy.

"Are there any exits from here? A laundry room or anything?" Riza questioned.

"No, the laundry room is upstairs," Miss Blackburn said. "Let's go up."

Roy and Riza nodded and made their way back out toward the entrance and up the stairs. The upstairs floor was carpeted much to Riza and Roy's dismay. They both despised carpet, so if they bought the house, the carpet would have to go.

"There are three bedrooms and two baths. One is the master bath that you enter through the master bedroom and the other is the one that is accessible from the hall. She opened the door to the first room at the top of the stairs to reveal the bathroom. It had white linoleum flooring and flowered wallpaper. She showed Roy and Riza the two bedrooms. Both of them were painted off white and had ugly brown carpeting.

"The master bedroom is the last one down the hall," she said, leading them to it. She opened the white double doors and they walked in. It was a very spacious room and was perfect for a very large bed. There was a picture window that overlooked the backyard, generous closet space, and high ceilings. Once again, there was an ugly brown carpet on the floor and the walls were a dirty looking off white.

Miss Blackburn showed them the bathroom which had a large tub with a shower beside it, a big wash basin and of course, a toilet."

"Well, that's it for this house. What do you think?"

"What's the price?" Riza asked. Roy blinked at her. Money didn't matter too much. He had enough to buy almost any house they could want.

"The owners are asking 250 thousand," Miss Blackburn said.

"Can I talk to my wife alone?" Roy questioned.

"Of course. I will wait downstairs," she said, leaving the couple alone.

Riza walked over to the window and looked out. She smiled softly at the view.

"Well, do we want it?" he asked, going over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, feeling the normal tensing of her body that he'd gotten used to feeling.

She turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Do you like it?"

"Honestly?" he questioned.

Riza nodded, inwardly praying that he liked it. She loved this house already, even with all the work it needed.

"I love it," he said.

She smiled. "You aren't just saying that because I like it?"

"No, I truly like this house."

"I … don't know… are you really sure you want to invest in something like this with me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to be a wife again."

Roy looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"I love you," she said turning away. "But I can't stand the thought of …I don't want anyone touching me that way. The moment I walked into this bedroom, it hit me. I can't give you what a wife should give a husband and probably not anytime soon."

Roy walked around to face her and reached up to pull her chin up so she was staring in his eyes. He smiled and kissed her softly.

"You here aren't you? So you are giving me what a wife should give a husband."

Riza didn't know what to say so she just walked closer and hugged him.

"So is this going to be our new home?" he questioned.

Riza nodded. "As long as you are here it will be."

"I'll be here," he replied.

Riza felt as if her burden lightened a bit more.

* * *


	16. A Good Wife

**When One's World is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 15: A Good Wife **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA**

**Warning: ****This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were thoroughly researched.**

* * *

**A Good Wife**

Riza and Roy returned to Grumman's place, the future owners of a beautiful Xingese house. They wouldn't reveal the purchase until everything was signed; they wanted it to be a surprise. They both knew Grumman and Marcie would be thrilled at them living in the same neighborhood. They both complained that Riza and Roy didn't visit enough.

They pulled into the driveway of Grumman's house and Roy turned off the motor.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired, upset, angry, thrilled, excited," Riza said, naming off a slew of emotions. She looked down at the ground. "Disappointed, guilty, like a failure. Need any more adjectives because I have an entire mind full of them, and they are raging to get out. "As she spoke, it wasn't in a hostile manner but a calm yet slightly bitter one.

Roy grabbed her hand. "You need a good bath and sleep." He wanted to reassure her yet again, but his gut told him not to start in on another long-winded pep speech.

"Are you saying I stink?" she questioned.

Roy blinked, confused at the fact she was now joking. She had to admit that she was just as confused as he was. One minute she was completely serious, the next she was joking around. She wanted it to stop; she wanted to feel normal again. When they were looking through that house, once again, time stopped and reality hid from her. She felt like she and Roy was a normal newlywed couple shopping for their first home.

She didn't notice when Roy got out of the car and walked around to her door to open it. She felt a tap on her shoulder and jumped as she turned toward the perpetrator, who of course, turned out to be her husband.

"Let's go in," he said.

Riza nodded and got out of the car. They walked inside and Marcie greeted them with a smile. "Well you two are home a bit early. Would you like something to eat or drink?"

"No thank you Marcie. I don't want anything," Roy said.

"How about you Riza?" she asked.

"No but thank you. I just want to go lie down," she said.

"I'm going to be in the gym," Roy said, kissing Riza on the forehead.

She nodded and watched as he walked away. She smiled at Marcie before ascending the stairs and making her way to the bedroom.

She went inside and decided to forgo the bath in favor of just sleeping. Opening the closet, she looked for something comfortable to put on and spotted one of Roy's shirts. She knew it fit tightly around his arms now so he rarely wore it. It would be comfortable to sleep in; since, it would fit loosely on her. She undressed and slipped on the shirt. It fell to mid thigh and engulfed her figure, much more than it would have previously. She turned to look in the mirror attached to the closet door and sighed.

Reaching behind her, she pulled the back of the shirt to make it tug tight against her, tracing her curves. She cringed at the weight she'd lost in the past few weeks. She'd always loved her curvy figure and was proud that she wasn't as stick thin as all the girls in the magazines. She'd have to get back to her normal eating habits and put on a few pounds. She wanted her old figure back. She wanted everything old back! Old life before the rape, her old husband (Roy had changed not for the better or worse but he did change) and she'd changed in mind and appearance. She hated that word! She hated the word change.

It took all of the self-restraint that Riza possessed to keep herself from throwing something at that mirror and shattering the world reflected inside it. Instead, she turned away and walked over to the bed, to turn down the blankets. Just as she was about to get into bed there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" she said.

"It's Roy; Can I come in?"

Riza's eyes widened. He shouldn't have asked to come in; this was where he was staying as well. She looked down at her hands that were fisting in the covers. She was hurt that he felt the need to ask but she couldn't' really blame him. After what she said back in the bedroom at their new house, he was probably afraid to overleap the invisible border between proper actions and sexual intimacy. She hadn't really explained in detail what she meant. She certainly hadn't meant that he had to knock on the bedroom door every time he wanted to enter.

"Of course you can come in," she said. "This is where you are staying too."

She watched as the door opened and Roy entered. He was carrying the packages that were previously in the back seat of the car. He put them down on a nearby table and then smiled at her.

"I needed to get some clothes to work out in," Roy said. "I remembered these gifts so I decided to go ahead and bring them up as well."

"Oh," she said, watching as he walked over to the closet to look for a tank top and a pair of sweatpants. Roy felt Riza's gaze on him and turned around.

"You okay?" he asked.

Riza nodded.

Roy smiled. "You look cute," he said.

"Oh? So you like me better at this size?" Riza looked down at herself. She didn't like being like this. She didn't like the way she looked. If Roy liked her better at this size then did that mean he didn't find her attractive at her previous one? All of her self-doubts started pushing to dominate her thoughts. She then remembered what he told her so many times about his love and that managed to overpower them and push them to the depths of her mind.

"No, it's not that. Your weight isn't what I mean. I meant you look really cute in my shirt. "

Riza blushed lightly. "You don't mind do you?" she questioned. "About the shirt I mean."

"No, not at all," he said. "Like I said, you look really cute, beautiful actually."

She smiled and looked back at the bed. "I'm going to go to sleep now."

"All right," Roy said, going back to his task of finding his workout clothes.

She crawled onto the bed but didn't go to rest on her side of said bed. She crawled a few inches more and snuggled down onto Roy's place on the bed. She moved to lie on her side and curled up, one of her hands resting comfortably beside her face on the pillow. She took a deep breath, taking in his scent before falling asleep.

Roy turned to leave the room when Riza caught his eye. He turned and saw she was situated on his side of the bed, her hand fisted in the fabric of his pillow. She looked completely relaxed. He grinned and put his clothing down on a nearby table. Walking over to her, he put the blanket over her arms and kissed her cheek softly before going back over to the table. He picked his clothing up and left the room. He made his way downstairs and started to turn toward the basement where Grumman's gym was, when Marcie called him.

He turned and smiled at the older woman.

"I know that you were going to work out but do you think you could help me for a bit?" she asked.

"Of course," Roy said. "What do you need?"

"This way," Marcie said and led him to the kitchen. "You see, I need to run down to the Xingese market to get a few things. Unfortunately, I already started this stew and there's no way I can take it off the heat. That blasted butler of Grumman's is out doing errands for him so I can't have him watch it. Would you be a dear and watch it for me, adding the ingredients when they are needed? Just until I get back. It shouldn't be more than an hour or two.

"I can do that for you Marcie. Just tell me what ingredients to add and when."

"Okay, in five minutes you add the cinnamon, just a pinch though. Then two minutes later which is seven minutes from now you add a bit of the cabbage, about half of your hand full. Then three minutes after that which would be eight minutes-"

"Marcie, why don't I just go to the market and pick up the things you need. That way I won't mess up your stew which I am bound to do with directions like those." Roy's head was still spinning with the directions Marcie had given him. He didn't know how women like her memorized the correct times for adding stuff to the dishes.

"But everyone there speaks Xingese!"

"Marcie, so do I," Roy said.

Marcie let out a huge laugh. "Yes, I completely forgot. Riza has such lovely taste choosing a Xingese boy!"

"I suppose," Roy said. "Just write down what you need and I'll get them for you."

"All right," Marcie replied.

"I'll be back in a while," Roy said, leaving through the kitchen door. He walked around the house to get into the car and pulled out of the driveway. He made his way to the Xingese district and parked his car in front of the parking meter. Cars weren't permitted in the marketplace so he would have to walk there. After getting out of the car and putting a coin in the meter, he walked toward the district. In all his years of living in Central, he'd probably been to the market place once and that was when he first came to central to attend the academy and take his state alchemy exam.

He turned the corner where he knew the marketplace was located and smiled in satisfaction at finding the chaotic place. It was a long and rather narrow street where tons of booths lined the sides. The booth vendors mainly sold foods and fabrics. Some vendors chose not to use booths and instead laid their goods out on beautiful Xingese carpets, their only shade from the elements was a Xingese umbrella. Most of the goods on the carpets were things such as jewelry and other stunning ornaments.

Roy went to a vendor and was able to get all the vegetables on the list from him. He asked where he could find some soy sauce, and was directed to another vendor. He purchased the soy sauce and a few sets of chopsticks from the man. The chopsticks were for Riza and him. Riza always said she wanted to learn to eat with them but the times she tried, she was useless. He decided he was going to teach her. It would be something fun for them to do together.

He took the things back to the car before going back to the market. He decided that he would take a quick look around before getting the sweet cakes that Marcie had on the list. He walked down the area with all the furniture and fabrics, and saw many things that Riza might like for their new house. He walked over to a jewelry vendor and looked around. The man asked Roy if he was interested in anything. Roy suddenly decided that he would get Riza something. His eyes roved the collection and landed on a bracelet with a small Xingese bird charm on it. He looked above it and saw a hairclip and necklace with the same design. Below the bracelet was a set of earrings that looked like tiny birds. They weren't the most impressive or expensive pieces but he knew Riza would like them.

Roy asked to buy the entire set, which he could tell surprised the seller. The man took the items and wrapped each of them in an elegant looking handkerchief. When Roy inquired about it, the man said that since Roy bought the entire set it was his way of a discount, so to speak.

Roy nodded and took the bag the man had put the items in. After wishing the seller a good day, he made his way to get the last items on Marcie's list. He then made his way back to the car and began his drive back to Grumman's house, making a note to take Riza to that market soon.

"Did I get the right things?" Roy questioned.

"Of course, there's nothing much you can get wrong with the items on the list."

"I wasn't sure on what kind of sweet cakes you wanted so I got two of each kind," Roy said, as she opened up the tiny sweet cake box.

"You are such a smart boy," Marcie said.

"Would you please stop calling me boy?"

"That's what you are to an old lady like me Roy," Marcie said.

Roy sighed and grabbed the bag with Riza's gifts and his clothing that was still lying on the table where he'd left them.

"I'm going to go work out now," Roy said.

"Sorry for the trouble," Marcie said while stirring her soup.

"It wasn't any trouble," Roy said. "It was a good warm up."

Roy left the kitchen and went downstairs. After getting dressed, he walked over to the treadmill. Despite his walk around the market, he was in the mood for a good jog. He set the speed on the treadmill to a moderate pace and began jogging on it. After ten minutes, he cut it off and moved on to his weight lifting.

--

Riza woke up from her nap and gazed at the clock. She frowned when she saw she'd only been asleep for an hour and a half. She lay back down and closed her eyes, trying to fall back asleep but to no avail. Finally, she sat back up and swung her legs out of bed so that her feet rested on the floor. She lifted her hand to her neck and rubbed it, her fingers brushing the scar there gently, causing her to shutter in displeasure as the event of what caused it threatened to burst forth in vivid images. She closed her eyes and willed it away; repeatedly telling herself where she was and that the nightmare was over. She finally pushed it back and opened her eyes. She stood and went into the bathroom to wash her face. After doing that, she got dressed in the clothing she'd previously been wearing that day. There was no use in putting on a new outfit when she'd be going back to bed in a few more hours.

She walked downstairs and into the kitchen to get something to drink. She saw Marcie happily chopping some vegetables on a cutting board. She looked up and smiled at Riza. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel better, I just needed a nap," she said. "I came to get something to drink."

"There's some lovely fresh orange juice in the fridge. I know how much you love it."

Riza smiled and took a glass out of the cabinet. "That sounds nice," Riza replied, and went over to get the juice. She poured herself a glass and returned the ewer to the fridge. She then sat down at the table to watch Marcie cook. The woman really was a wonder in the kitchen. She honestly didn't know how she and Gracia could cook such wonderful things. Even when she followed their instructions for the same dishes, it never turned out as good. Not to say that she was a horrible cook, but she wasn't housewife caliber.

"Can I ask you a personal question Marcie?"

"Of course," she replied.

"Why didn't you ever get married? You would have made someone an excellent wife."

"Because I've never fallen in love," Marcie answered.

Riza was shocked at what the woman said but then realized that she really shouldn't have been. The only person she ever loved was Roy.

"I dated when I was a young woman but never fell for any of those men. I'm just not one of those women that were meant to fall in love and get married."

"It's not too late," Riza said.

"Dear dear, I don't think I could take love and marriage at my age," she said, with a laugh.

"So is that why you became a maid and cook? I know there weren't many professions for a single woman growing at that time, right?"

"My, you are inquisitive today," she said.

"Oh! Sorry for intruding. I ran off at the mouth."

"No no, it's fine. I am glad to see you talking a bit more. You've been so quiet lately. As for the answer to your question, no that's not the reason I became a maid. In Xing, a woman back when I was growing up had more job options than they did here in Amestris. I became a maid because I wanted to use what I was good at: cooking and cleaning. I also enjoy doing those things so being a maid made sense to me. It was also an excellent choice because I've never had to go without a job for very long."

"I see," Riza replied. "So is that how you met grandfather?"

"I thought I told you how I met your grandfather," she said.

"No," Riza said. She laughed at herself. "I feel like a little child that wants to hear a story."

"Well, there's not really much of a story. I moved to Amestris shortly after my parents passed away and registered with a maid employment service. I was sent to the house to serve as a maid, mainly for that hussy of a grandmother you had. God, I don't know how your grandfather withstood her constant nagging for as long as he did."

"You were there when that woman left grandfather?" Riza said with surprise.

"Yes," Marcie said.

"Did you know my mother?"

"Sadly, no. I never got the opportunity to meet your mother. She'd left the household about a month before I was hired."

"That's too bad," Riza said. She was hoping to hear something about her mother. Her grandfather never spoke about her much and to this day she didn't know what the cause for the estrangement between them was. All she knew was that her grandfather regretted it and had been overjoyed when he found out he had a granddaughter. "You know what? I know grandfather is very thankful to you for sticking by him all this time, even after his wife left him; I refuse to call her grandmother. I mean you do everything that a wife would do for him. You cook, you clean, and you make sure that he keeps his appointments. You organize the household. The only thing you don't do is-"

"Riza please don't continue with that sentence," Marcie said.

"Sorry," Riza said, looking down at her empty glass.

"Why do you ask me all these questions?"

"Do you think I am a good wife to Roy? I have no doubts that he loves me and he wants me for his wife. I also know that he'll say I am a good wife just because he loves me. What do you think?"

"I think that the main purpose of both a wife and husband is to make the other person happy. To be there for the person in good and bad, happy and sad times. To support each other always. It's not about cleaning and cooking. You can always hire a maid to clean and you can always eat out. I think you are an excellent wife to Roy because you give him what he needs. He needs you to love him and he needs to love you."

"What do you see when you look at us?"

Marcie smiled. "I see love in the truest sense of the word."

"Thank you," she said. "That's good to hear."

"If you want to talk to Roy he's in the gym," Marcie said, sensing that was whom Riza wanted to see.

"He's still working out?"

"Yes, he went to the market earlier for me so he got a late start."

"You trusted Roy with shopping?"

"I made out a precise list of items I needed. He did wonderfully," Marcie replied.

"Perhaps I should send him to the market with a list more often," she said.

"It would save you some of the hassle when you have tons of the babies that you are going to have," Marcie teased.

Riza tensed up and gave a nervous laugh. "Well, I'm going to go find Roy now," she said and left the room quickly.

Marcie blinked over Riza's reaction, shrugged, and went back to her cooking.

Riza made her way to the basement stairs and went half way down before stopping and sitting down on the oak steps. Babies... she and Roy had wanted to wait on having children for a bit longer. Now she wondered if they would ever have any at all. Could someone that had gone through what she had ever be fit to have children? If she couldn't protect herself then what made her think that she could protect a child or children. What if someone hurt her kids in that way someday? Did Roy still want to have children with her after what happened? She shook her head. It was too soon to speak of anything to do with children. She stood and made her way to the gym, with an intense need to talk to her husband taking over her.

* * *


	17. Talking Is Important

**When One's World Is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess **

**Chapter 16: Talking Is Important **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA **

**Warning: This story deals with mature subject matter. **

* * *

**Talking Is Important**

Roy sat the barbell down on the stand, sat down on a stool, and sighed. He'd cut his sets short because he was too distracted with his thoughts to notice what count he was on during his repetitions. He'd been pushing back his anger toward Gregory for Riza's sake. He was already feeling guilty for letting his anger out in front of her when Holms said those things. He should have stayed calm and not have burdened her with the task of calming him down. He needed to be strong, but damn it he couldn't protect her. That constant short phrase resonating inside his mind was enough to drive him mad. If his mind wasn't reiterating that fact, it was calling him a useless husband. Doctor Lawson had told him that he would feel this way for a while and as usual, she was right.

Roy began wrapping his hands with some hand wrap and medical tape then donned a pair of bag gloves. He'd found working out against a heavy punching bag to be the best therapy when it came to his anger. He stood in front of the bag and began punching.

"Stupid fucker," Roy said punching the bag. "Touching my wife, if it wasn't for the consequences I'd cut off your dick and shove it down your damn throat." He started punching harder and more furiously at the bag, cursing out the man that had the nerve to hurt Riza. The nerve to touch his wife.

Riza arrived at the doorway and was shocked to see Roy punching the bag with all his might. His face was red and sweat was running off his forehead. His chest and back were drenched with sweat causing the grey material of his tank top to stick to his body.

"Fucking asshole should have never laid a hand on my fucking wife!" he screamed while punching the bag. It's my fault; I should have been there for her!" He began a fury of punches at the black sand-filled bag that hung from the ceiling. He finally stopped and rested his forearm against the bag and his head against his arm. He was breathing quickly so he tried to steady his breath.

"What kind of husband am I? I'm a failure," he said, in a scratchy and pain-filled voice.

He was shocked when he felt two feminine arms wrap around his midsection and a head rest against his back. He felt his shirt soaked even more with what he guessed were tears.

"You are a wonderful husband Roy. Not a failure in the slightest," Riza's soft voice said. "You told me not to blame myself and here you are blaming yourself. Remember what the doctor told you; remember what I said. It's neither of our faults. It's that bastards."

"I want to kill him Riza," Roy said. "I want to make him suffer for what he's done." Roy's voice faded out at some of the words but Riza could make out what he said.

"I know," she said. "But you can't do that."

Roy stood up straight causing Riza to let go of him and take a step back.

"I know and it fucking kills me!" Roy said, punching the bag so roughly that it caused Riza to cringe. She placed her hand on his shoulder and turned him around. She then hugged him, pressing her body tightly against his. She didn't know of anything that she could speak that would alleviate the anger over the fact that he couldn't physically hurt Gregory.

"I need you," Riza said. "What matters most is that you've been so much of a help to me. I couldn't have survived through this without you. I don't want you to be angry with yourself."

"You shouldn't have seen that. I wanted to keep my anger away from you. I was an idiot for letting it get to me back at headquarters with Holms." He wrapped his arms around her, the bag gloves still on his hands.

"Not see it? I thought we agreed not to keep anything away from each other. Roy, the last thing I want if for you to keep your feelings from me. You told me if I had a problem to tell you. I want the same from you. We are supposed to share. Right? Pay attention to your own words. You are being a hypocrite."

Roy laughed. "I suppose I am Riza. It's just…"

"No excuses. We have to be honest with each other," she said, moving to look up at his face and into his eyes. "I need that honesty and need to see what you feel like Roy. I need those things more than anything."

"All right, I promise I'll tell you what I am feeling from now on."

"Good," Riza said and hugged Roy tighter, resting her head against his chest.

"You are going to get all sweaty doing that," Roy said, with a slight laugh.

Riza shrugged. "I don't mind," she said.

"I need a shower," he said.

"A bath," she replied, looking back up into his face. "Want to take a bath?" she asked with a blush. "With me…"

Roy was surprised at the request and it showed on his expression. Riza looked down, her blush darkening.

"I mean, I thought it would be a relaxing way to spend time together and maybe…maybe a step to becoming a bit more intimate again. I mean it's just a bath but-"

"Riza, you don't have to explain," he said. "Let's go. After that we can open the gifts that our friends gave us and I have something special for you that I picked up at the marketplace when I went for Marcie."

"Okay," she said. She took his hand and intertwined their fingers as they made their way out of the gym, Roy grabbing the small bag that contained Riza's gifts on the way out. They walked up the stairs from the basement then up the stairs that led to the bedroom where they were staying. After walking inside, Roy sat the bag on the table.

"Let me run the bath," she said, going inside the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. She leaned back against it, a gesture that had become quite familiar in the past few weeks. She walked over to the large tub and ran some water inside it. After doing that, she walked over to her overnight kit and retrieved a small bottle of lavender scented bubble bath to pour in the water. Maybe the lavender smell would relax the two of them.

After getting everything ready, she walked over to the door to open it. Placing her hand on the knob, she froze. Was she really ready to let Roy see her completely bare of any clothing? She wanted to take this bath with him: to be a bit more intimate. But then he would see how unattractive she really was. Her gaze fell to her hand that was now gripping the doorknob tightly, her skin turning a slight rouge color. She decided that she would tell him that if he didn't want to look at her, he didn't have to. If he didn't want to take the bath with her, he could take it alone and she'd take another later.

She opened the door and walked into the bedroom as Roy was coming back through the bedroom door. She was confused as to why he just hadn't waited in the room instead of going back into the hallway. Roy must have noticed the look because he answered the question poised on her lips.

"Your grandfather is home. He wanted to tell me something," Roy said, a bit uneasy. He tried not to let it show too much at the moment, instead choosing to let most of his anger out in small tremors.

"About Gregory?"

Roy nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"What is it?" she asked. Normally she'd be hesitant to butt in but this was too much about her not to. Plus, she knew Roy wouldn't see it as her being nosy.

"Let's talk about it a bit later," he said, stepping closer to her and raising his hand up to stroke her face. He bent to kiss her softly. "I believe we were going to take a bath."

Riza wanted to know about what happened, but figured that it would be better that they relax a bit before he told her.

"Roy, I have something I want to say first," she said.

"Yes?"

"Well, you don't have to take it with me if you don't want. I mean I am not exactly the best thing to look at. My feelings won't be hurt if you decide you don't want to," she said, lying in the last sentence. In all actuality, she would be devastated if he made that decision.

"Do you want me to see you?" Roy questioned. "Do you want this to happen?"

Riza nodded and took his hand, leading him into the bathroom. She reached for the bottom of his shirt and lifted it over his head. She felt silly for being so nervous over the small action and blushed when she came face to chest with him.

"Maybe you should get undressed and in the tub first," she said. "Then I'll undress."

"So I don't get to undress you?" Roy asked before he thought better of it. As soon as the sentence left his lips, he cursed himself. That wasn't a good thing for him to say at the moment and he was extremely worried about her reaction. However, he didn't receive the action he thought he would. She looked up at him, eyes widened.

"You want to?" she questioned, very surprised that he'd want to do so. That he wasn't backing away from her as she'd expected him to do. Roy lowered his lips down onto hers gently as his hands made their way to the hem of her shirt. He pulled away and slipped it over her head to reveal a white lace bra. Riza covered herself with her arms and blushed as she looked away.

"Don't hide from me Riza," he said, lifting a hand to her face and moving her head so she was facing him. He reached behind her to under the clasps on her bra and Riza tensed as it loosened. "You all right?"

Riza nodded though she really wasn't. Fear was coursing through her body like electrical currents. It wasn't fear that he'd rape her or do something that she didn't want. It was one of the many fears that dominated her mind since her rape. It was the fear of him not wanting her; him lying to her to make her feel better; him not liking her anymore, not liking what he saw when he looked at her.

Roy slipped the bra straps down her arms exposing her upper body to the cool air of the bathroom. Riza slipped the bra completely off and then folded her arms over her chest. She looked down once more. "I'm…"

"Beautiful," Roy said, causing her to look up in shock. "You aren't ready for me to see you this way though, Riza.

"But I want to take a bath with you," she said before she thought better. She instantly yelled at herself for the perverted and stupid words.

"Tell you what, I'll undress and get in and I promise I won't look at you until you get in the tub and are covered with water. Does that sound good?" he questioned.

"Yes, all right. That sounds better," she said. He smiled and walked past her. She heard fabric hit the floor and the water splash, indicating he was now in the tub.

"I have my eyes closed Riza," he said.

She smiled softly and discarded her skirt and underwear before going over and sitting in the huge bathtub, the water coming just over her breasts. She moved over to rest in his lap, her back against his chest. He opened his eyes and smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. She tensed up significantly until Roy bend down to her ear and whispered that it was he and that she was safe in his arms. She closed her eyes, scooted down in the water, and leaned her head back against his shoulder, her arms coming up to rest on his.

They sat there in the companionable silence taking in the scent of each other and the lavender bubble bath she poured in the water. He moved his arm, scooped up a bit of the bubbles in his hand, and put them on her nose. Opening her eyes upon the weird feeling of something on her nose, she sat up and turned around to look at Roy then at the bubbles he put on her nose, her eyes crossing in the process.

Roy laughed at the way she looked with the crossed eyes and she glared at him. She then got a wicked smile, took a hand full of bubbles, and wiped them on his chin, making him a beard.

"You're so childish," she said with a laugh.

Roy smiled at her. She looked so beautiful with her eyes shining with amusement and that gorgeous smile on her face. He wanted to see that look on her face so much more. He wanted to make it appear there every day for the rest of his life.

"Yeah," he said.

She lifted her hand to his face. "A beard doesn't suit you."

"Let me get it off then," he said, grabbing her and rubbing his chin against her neck. His arms wrapped around her body as he nuzzled her. This action caused her to squeak and laugh at being tickled.

"Roy sto-stop! That tickles!" she yelped and laughed joyfully. She pushed all her weight on him and he hit back against the wall of the tub. She realized her body pressed tightly against his and was visible from the waist up. She started to apologize and pull back but Roy cut her off by kissing her gently and quickly. When he pulled away, she suddenly moved her lips back on his, kissing him with more fervor than he displayed previously. At first, he was shocked at her boldness but then closed his eyes and kissed her back.

Suddenly she pulled away. Roy was shocked at seeing tears in her eyes as she hurriedly stood and rushed out of the tub and to a towel. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

She looked away from the mirror that was reflecting her horrible looking body back at her. The body that Roy's eyes had seen. She suddenly heard the water splash and then felt something warmer covering her body. She looked back up in the mirror to see Roy standing behind her and his bathrobe over her shoulders. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist.

"What are you sorry for? You shouldn't have what?"

"I shouldn't have made you believe that I was ready to…"

"It was a kiss Riza. You've kissed me before. A kiss doesn't equal sex."

"But I wanted to," she said, turning around. "I wanted to make love but I knew I couldn't. I knew that I would have those damn flashbacks and remember everything Gregory said in that kitchen."

"Let's go to bed," Roy said, picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom. He sat her down on her feet and kissed her forehead.

"We haven't had dinner yet," she said. "You know Marcie will have a fit if we don't come down for dinner.

"Yeah, I suppose," Roy said, looking at the clock. It was nearly seven and time to eat. "Let's get dressed then."

Riza nodded. "All right but there's something I want to know first."

"What's that?"

"You said you'd tell me what my grandfather told you about Gregory," she said.

"Can't it wait until morning, or at least after dinner?"

"Roy please," she said in a pleading tone.

Roy sighed and walked over to the bed to sit down. He ran his hands through his damp hair and sighed again, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to tell her.

"Gregory has pretty much been confirmed as your rapist," Roy said. "Not that we really had many doubts about it."

"So he confessed?"

"Sort of," Roy said, hesitantly.

Riza's eyes widened as she pulled Roy's robe tighter around her and went to sit beside him. "So no trial?" she asked. "I won't have to testify?"

Roy shook his head. "No, you won't," he said, his voice shaky.

"Roy, there's something you are keeping from me," she said. "I thought we promised that we wouldn't keep things from each other."

"Give me a minute," Roy said taking a deep breath.

Riza took his arm and wrapped it around her, cuddling closer to his body.

"When the MP's went to his place to get him for questioning... he shot himself before they could get in. He's dead."

Riza was shocked over what she heard but didn't show it. "Is that what you didn't want to tell me? You know I don't care about what happens to him."

"No, it's what they found in his apartment that I didn't want to tell you about."

"What did they find?" Riza asked.

Roy stared at her with a furious yet haunting gaze that sent chills throughout her body. If it got that look out of Roy then it had to be something truly horrible. So much so, that she now wondered if she really wanted to hear what he was about to tell her.

* * *


	18. The Ones That Are There

**When One's World Is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess **

**Chapter 17: The Ones That Are There **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA **

* * *

**The Ones That Are There **

Riza moved to sit on his lap, the robe around her falling off, leaving her only in the peach towel wrapped around her body. She didn't pay any mind to her state of dress: it was the least of her worries. Her focus was fully absorbed in the fact that she needed to make her husband relax so he could tell her what happened. She didn't want him to tense up too much; it wasn't good for his health.

She felt his arms wrap around her and pull her into a tight hug. "Roy, please. Just tell me what they found."

She pulled away from his embrace and reached up to run her hand through his hair.

"They...Riza it was more than just us that … he was a… it was…" he stuttered. Roy couldn't make himself speak the words that he needed to say. As he looked into her beautiful hazel eyes filled with worry, he lost the words poised on his lips completely. He didn't want to make her feel worse over what Gregory was. He didn't want to tack on to the pressure she was going through by revealing Gregory's reasons, if one could call them that. No man, or in his case filthy bastard, could ever have a valid reason for doing what he did.

"Roy?" she questioned worriedly. It wasn't like Roy not to be able to speak. Was what he was going to tell her really that horrid?

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's hard to get it out."

Riza nodded. "I can tell," she said.

"His apartment could have doubled for a shrine for perversion," Roy said, trying to tell her tastefully of the disgusting things they found. He didn't think she needed to hear it the way Grumman had told him. Unfortunately, she wasn't having it.

"Roy, just tell me what they found. Tell me as you would if I had no … if I'd not… if that bastard had never intruded in our lives," she said, trying to word what she wanted to say properly.

"I don't know all the details. Your grandfather wouldn't tell me too much. They found photos, video, and …other things in his place. Riza…he'd been wanting you for a long time. He was planning to get back at me for something. He had pictures of me that had painted red X's over them and were half-burned. They are looking through the rest of the items in his place, and Armstrong said he would give me a full report tomorrow. They are running the rape kit we had done at the hospital along with several other kits that were done.

"Several others? You mean he may have raped other people?"

Roy was very hesitant to answer, but with the way she was staring at him in question, he knew there was no way she was going to let him leave it at that. Also, she really did have a right to know everything about it.

"It isn't known for sure but they are running all the kits that the hospital has done in the past year and a half. If there are a lot of matches then they are going to run them further back."

"There had to be something that prompted for the authorities to want the other kits done. What was it?"

Roy cursed silently. He was hoping that she wouldn't ask that question.

"There was a list of women, Riza. Though he rape kits are conducted anonymously, the list was enough to warrant the kits tested with some of his DNA. However, your name wasn't anywhere on that list."

Riza nodded. "So Gregory was a pervert who got joy from raping women?" She questioned venomously.

"Apparently…more than women. They found a great deal of child pornography. They are going to look up some of the names on that list to check all the ages."

Riza went pale. Children? Raping women was sick enough! But children! That was downright revolting. Riza prayed that if there was a hell Gregory was burning in the hottest damn part of it.

"There's… there's something else," Roy said. He hated the way he was acting. He hated how he had to take a break between his words and sentences. He hated how weak he was being when he needed to tell Riza what she wanted, no, what needed to know.

"What is it?"

"Gregory, he targeted you becau…" Roy couldn't speak once again. He cursed aloud but this time letting a string of profanity out in Xingese so Riza couldn't understand what he was speaking. It would do no good for her to know how upset over the other things he actually was. He looked up at Riza and lifted a hand to her face, a gesture that almost became as significant as a kiss in the recent weeks.

"No fair," she said with a small smile. "I don't speak that language." She moved closer and kissed him softly.

"I … damn it," Roy said. "Riza, I need you to let me think this through and when I learn more about it tomorrow I will tell you everything. I promise."

Riza nodded. "I understand," she said. "What do you say we get dressed and get down to dinner before Marcie has a conniption?"

"I say that's a plan. The last thing we want is a conniption from a sixty-two year old Xingese woman."

Riza kissed him quickly one more time before pulling out of his embrace and standing up. She walked over to the closet and Roy whistled at her, causing her to turn around quickly. She tilted her head to the right and looked at him quizzically.

"Sorry," he said, standing up and making his way over to the dresser to get him some clothing.

"What were you whistling at?"

Roy turned to her and smirked. Riza could still see the tension in his body but, thankfully, much of it had dissipated quickly thanks to the short reprieve she'd given him.

"Those legs. You know before we started dating I had dreams and imagined what they'd look like. The entire package was better than I imagined. Better than I deserved as well."

She blushed and turned back to the closet. She took out a yellow short-sleeved shirt and a long brown skirt before going over to the dresser where Roy was slipping on his boxers.

After retrieving some undergarments, she turned to watch Roy as he put on an undershirt, and then donned a blue short-sleeve button-up shirt, which brought out his dark hair and eyes. He looked at her and grinned.

"What is it?" he questioned. She leaned up and kissed him on the lips quickly and softly before walking to the bathroom and closing the door behind her. He smiled softly and then continued getting dressed.

After slipping on his shoes, there was a soft knock at the door. He walked over to answer it and was quite surprised to see Grumman standing there. He was actually expecting Marcie to come and get them, as usual.

"Armstrong is here and he needs to talk to you," Grumman said.

"Let me get Riz-"

"It would be best that she not know what is going on right now. You can find a better way to tell her later."

Roy nodded and left the room, shutting the door behind him quietly.

--

Riza quickly dressed and combed her hair, before leaving the bathroom. She was surprised when Roy wasn't waiting for her. She wrapped her arms around herself and shuttered, honestly not knowing why her body did so. It was as if it was giving her some kind of warning or preparing her for something. She got a bit dizzy then slightly nauseous so she moved over to sit down on the bed. The room felt quite odd without Roy in there with her. It was as if she was all alone in the world with no one to depend on and no one that needed her.

She knew it was silly and that most likely Roy was downstairs but nevertheless, she couldn't change how she felt. She did however; feel a bit hurt that he'd left the room without telling her. She shook her head and laughed bitterly, her feelings lately had been absolutely ridiculous.

She looked down at her lap, studying the brown cotton fabric of her skirt for a moment before her mind drifted to the things Roy told her. At first, she was relieved that Gregory was gone, that she wouldn't have to face a jury or trial. That she wouldn't have to reiterate her experience to even more people. Then when she heard all the things he had in his apartment, all the things that he'd possibly done to other people, she almost felt regret that he killed himself. Not out of pity for him, a damn bastard like that didn't deserve any kind of pity, but out of the fact that he wouldn't suffer.

She found herself getting angry that he wouldn't go to the horrible prisons that central had. That he was such a fucking coward that he'd blown his brains out instead of having the balls to face what he'd done. That he didn't suffer any kind of humiliation that came along with the crimes he'd committed.

Riza moved her hands to rest on the bed. She fisted them into the covers and tensed up. Damn it she'd wanted revenge for what he did and the fucker got away! She grinded her teeth until her jaw ached. She tried to calm herself down by taking deep breaths and counting aloud, each number coming out as a low growl. She finally calmed down enough to walk over to the dresser. She needed to straighten her clothing and make sure she looked halfway presentable at dinner. She stared at the mirror, her eyes focusing on her face. They drifted down to her neck where the scar was still visible. The scar that Gregory had put there: it would always be there, haunting her and reminding her of what he done.

Suddenly, as if something possessed her, she moved her fist back and punched the mirror with everything in her; the glass breaking into small pieces at the place of contact and cracking into bigger ones further away from the initial hit point. It was as if her anger propelled the fist toward the glass with strength she didn't even know she possessed. She didn't think she had enough power to do the damage that she'd done.

Looking down at her bloody hand, she began to curse herself for letting her anger get the better of her. She couldn't believe she would be so stupid to punch a mirror, and a mirror that she didn't own at that. The blood dripped down on the cover of the dresser and she grabbed some tissues to keep it from doing so. Even though her hand hurt like hell, that punch actually did her some good. She just wished it had been a punching bag instead of a mirror.

She decided to try to sneak down to the kitchen and not let Roy and her grandfather know what she'd done until dinner was over. Perhaps Marcie would be able to take care of the hand. She knew that if she requested it, Marcie would ask no questions about the injury.

Holding the tissues tightly to her knuckles, where the hand was bleeding the most profusely, she walked over to the door. She let go of the tissues for a moment and opened the door, making her way out into the hallway, and shutting the door behind her. She walked downstairs toward her grandfather's study when she her name spoken. She stood at the doorframe feeling a bit guilty for eavesdropping, yet she couldn't make herself move away. Her hand was throbbing and the blood was soaking through the tissues and dripping on the floor. As Roy spoke, she felt her heart start to ache literally. She couldn't believe she was hearing what she was. She didn't know if she was more hurt or angry at what he was saying.

"It's not good for Riza to know about this. It will only worry her. I don't want her to know that Gregory planned to kill me the first chance he got. It will only add to her grief. Let's keep it from her for now. I still have a lot to…" he trailed off as he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and his heart dropped at what he saw.

Riza stood there with an expression on her face that looked like he'd stabbed her in the heart. She had tears in her eyes that were on the verge of running over on her cheeks.

"You betrayed me."

Roy took a step toward her. When she didn't move away, he approached her closer. He looked down at her hand and then took it in his.

"What happened? Let's get this bandaged up," he said gently. He was surprised when she jerked her hand away roughly.

"We…made a deal," she said and took a step back. "We said we'd be honest with each other and here you are trying to keep stuff from me. You wouldn't have kept this from me if I hadn't been raped would you?"

"Riza…"

"I told you that I didn't want to be treated differently and you are doing it! I am not a helpless little girl that needs things kept from her! I want to know when my husband is in danger!" she said, taking another step away from him. "I thought I could trust that you'd keep your promise to me. That we would share everything. I guess I really am a different person to you," she said, her voice cracking and tears flowing down her cheeks. She turned and he grabbed her shoulder. Grumman stood and walked over to them.

"Elizabeth, Roy just didn't want to-"

"Just … I need to be away for a while," she said, pulling away from Roy's grip and making her way to the kitchen. Instead of stopping so Marcie could fix up her hand, Riza made her way through the kitchen and out the door, not bothering with a jacket for the cool evening air.

It was as if her feet had a mind of their own as she made her way down the street. She heard a bark and looked to her side. Hayate was walking beside her, his leash in his mouth. She smiled softly, stopped to hook it onto his collar, and took the end of the leash in her uninjured hand.

She didn't know where she was going and it didn't even strike her that she should be afraid. Gregory was dead after all; he wouldn't be hurting her. He got off easy; he didn't have to live anymore. He didn't have to feel any kind of torture or anguish. He was a fucking coward and took a coward's way out. She thought for a moment how easy it would be for her to take the same way out. However, as soon as that thought came, she banished it from her head. She wasn't a coward and she wouldn't ever want to die the same way that monster did.

She walked down the street and realized where she was heading: toward the military apartments where Rebecca and Maria lived. She realized just how much she needed her friends and hopefully they didn't hate her after the things she said back at headquarters. All she wanted was someone to talk to that wasn't Roy or a doctor.

Riza needed that hint of normalcy in her life. She hoped that the rest of the days weren't as trying as this one. She didn't think she would be able to handle it if she dealt with things like this every day for the rest of her life.

She made her way inside the building and up to the front desk. The man smiled at her, recognizing her from where she used to live there.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, It's a pleasure to see you again. Didn't think you'd ever come back here."

"Thank you… Nathan right?" she replied, leaving out the fact that she was a Mustang now.

"Yes Ma'am," he said.

"Could you tell me if Rebecca Catalina and Maria Ross are home?"

"Yes Ma'am, the two of them just came in. They did move apartments though. They are roommates in a bigger apartment on the fourth floor. Apartment 401," he said.

Riza nodded. "Thank you," she said and made her way to the elevator.

She hadn't had a clue about the two becoming roommates, a testament to how much she was closed off from the world in the past few weeks. She rode the elevator to the fourth floor and made her way to the apartment, Hayate right at her side. She was very thankful that the building allowed dogs. She didn't' think she would have been as comfortable without him with her. She took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock on the white, wooden door. Her heart was beating and a fear of rejection, of ridicule and hate, overcame her. She took another deep breath and finally her uninjured hand made contact with the door several times in that continuous pattern defined as knocking.

Her injured hand was still throbbing. The tissues that were wrapped around it were now completely red with her life's essence. She didn't care; it wasn't the worst injury she'd received and she'd probably receive worse in the future.

The door opened and Rebecca's eyes widened. Riza couldn't meet the young woman's gaze, so she looked down. She felt like a young child who was apologizing to her mother for doing something bad. Luckily, for Riza, she didn't have to say a word. She felt herself being pulled into a tight hug and tears on her shoulder, causing her to tear up.

Maria walked to the door and joined in hugging her two friends.

"I'm sorry," Riza said, her voice cracking and barely audible because of her crying.

"It's all right Riza. We are here for you."

* * *


	19. Watched

**When One's World Is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess **

**Chapter 18: Watched **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA **

* * *

**Watched**

Roy sat down roughly on the couch in the study. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Betrayed?" he said in a voice that anyone could tell was filled with pain and anguish. "It was my intention to… I didn't mean. God I am an absolute mess," Roy said. "I can't seem to do anything right nowadays."

He looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Grumman was standing in front of him and staring at him with a looked that was half-stern and half kind.

"You are only human Roy, and you only wanted to protect my granddaughter; your wife. We both made a misjudgment, not only you. Did you tell her about everything that was found? The videos, pictures, and weapons."

"No. I asked that she give me until tomorrow to sort out my thoughts on the matter. Then I find out from you that Gregory's actual target was me. All from a blasted journal he kept. Of course, we already knew part of it from what Riza mentioned that he said to her."

"And from what Colonel Holms said," Grumman added.

Roy leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. "What do I do now? There's no way Riza's going to forgive me for this."

"You know better than that. Of course, she will. She's just going through the motions of grieving and letting everything out. She's angry now but she's been angry with you before. The main thing is to find her and apologize after she has a bit of time to cool off."

"Excuse me," Marcie said, standing at the door to the room. "Riza just left the house in an awful rush. I think she was bleeding! She left without a coat and it's horribly chilly out."

Roy stood up quickly. "Where'd she go?"

"I don't know. She didn't say a word. Hayate rushed after her."

"Damn it," Roy said. "I don't know where she would have gone!"

He rushed to the door and grabbed his coat, slipping it on. "I'll find her."

"I'll take the car and have a drive around the city to see if I spot her anywhere. I'll try headquarters. Marcie, please have some hot food ready when we get back," Grumman said.

"I will," she said, with a nod. Roy rushed out the door and Grumman went to get his driver to help look for Riza.

Riza sat there on the couch in Rebecca and Maria's apartment with a small frown on her face. She held a cup of steaming tea in her hands, her injured one bandaged, and she stared down at the tan liquid in it.

"So he was going to keep it from you?" Rebecca said.

"Until I was…better… so to speak," Riza said, flatly. "I don't want to be treated so differently. Before what happened, he wouldn't have hesitated to tell me what was going on. Now I don't think he trusts me to know. I don't think he has the faith in me to protect him any longer. Plus he broke a promise to me. We promised through all of this that we would be truthful with each other."

"Riza," Rebecca said, getting her best friend to look at her. "As much as I hate to side with Mustang on anything, this time I have to."

Riza's eyes widened. The world really was coming to an end if Rebecca was agreeing with her husband about anything.

"I don't believe Roy made that decision because he didn't see you the same or because he didn't' have faith in you. You've gone through so much that he thought he was doing the right thing by keeping it from you and that it would just be an added stress on you."

"It would have been, but I don't care. I just want him to tell me those things. To tell me the truth," she said.

"You may not care, but Mustang does. He loves you so much, and it is obvious to everyone that sees you two together. If you really must know those things that he said he was going to keep from you, then you should just come out and tell him. Tell him what you told us."

Riza took a sip of her tea and stared back down in to the mug, tears starting to flow from her eyes.

Maria put an arm around her friend's shoulders.

"I can't protect him anymore," she said, her voice cracking. "What if I lose him? What if he goes to work and never comes back to me? I want to protect him but I just… I can't do it!" she said loudly, the tears now flowing in waves down her pale cheeks. Hayate walked over to her and rested his head on her lap, trying to console his master.

Rebecca stood to move to sit on the other side of Riza but the phone rang. "I'll get it," she said, walking over to the table and picking up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Lieutenant Catalina, its General Mustang," she heard Roy say. She could hear the distressed tone in the man's voice. She'd never heard him speak like that in all the years she'd known him. Then again, she never did spend a lot of time around the man. "I'm at the front desk. Riza left the house and I've looked everywhere for her. Do you know -"

Rebecca grabbed the entire phone and went into the kitchen. Before Roy could say another word, Rebecca interrupted.

"She's up here and she's just fine. We've taken care of her hand. She's really upset right now. She needs her husband I think. Come on up, we are in apartment 401.

"Thank you Lieutenant," Roy said, quite surprised that she was being so welcoming.

"Hurry sir," she said and hung up the phone. She walked out of the kitchen and returned the phone to its previous location, before going back into the living room where Maria was sitting with Riza. She sat down beside her friend.

"Roy's coming up," Rebecca said. Riza looked at her and nodded.

"He's probably angry with me," she said. "I just ran out of the house and made my way here. I didn't say anything to anyone."

"Angry isn't the way I would describe him," Rebecca said.

"Furious then," Riza said.

"No Riza, he was worried. Almost frantic I would say."

"I'm just a bother to everyone and now I had to drag you two into this," she said.

"Drag us into it? We are your friends Riza. We are supposed to be into this. We are here to help you," Maria said.

"We drag you into things all the time! You help us when we feel horrible and now it's time we help you. What can we do for you?"

"Just be here," she said. "That's what both Roy and I need. Support through this."

"You got it," Maria said.

"Well, I suppose this once I could help the arrogant ass out," Rebecca said with a grin, letting Riza know she was joking.

Riza quirked a smile at her and jumped slightly as a knock sounded at the door. Maria stood but Riza stopped her.

"Let me get it please," she said. Maria nodded and sat down as Riza stood.

Riza walked over to the door and took a deep breath. She knew her husband was on that side of the door and most likely a bit annoyed that she'd just ran off. Her hand reached for the lock to unlock the door, and then it slowly made its way down to the doorknob. She twisted it and opened the door. Much to her surprise, it wasn't Roy but a pizza man. Her eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the anticlimactic result. She wanted to yell at him for being there after all of her nervousness, but refrained from doing so. He couldn't help it if his timing sucked.

"Did you order a cheeseburger pizza?" he asked.

"Rebecca, Maria, did you guys order pizza?"

"Oh!" Rebecca exclaimed. She rushed up and walked to the door. She stood in front of Riza and paid the man for the pizza. "Thank you, keep the change!" Rebecca said.

The pizza man nodded and walked away. Rebecca turned to Riza. "Sorry, about that."

"It's no big deal," she said, her eyebrow twitching a bit more. It would have been nice to know that they were expecting a delivery. Rebecca walked past her and Riza started to close the door when she heard a familiar voice.

"Did you order an idiot?"

Riza paused and moved the door back to see Roy standing there with a small smirk on his lips. His hair was soaked from the light drizzle that was occurring outside. She smiled softly. Roy always knew the right things to say to her to make her smile.

"Do you deliver to fools," she questioned. Roy took a step and pulled her into his arms.

"Sorry," he said. "I just…"

She pulled away. "Come in and get warmed up. We can talk a bit later."

Roy nodded and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He turned back to Riza only to be greeted with a towel to the head. He pulled it off his head to find Rebecca standing at a doorway.

"Dry off and you two lovebirds come eat some pizza," she said with a laugh and walked into the kitchen.

"Why is she your friend again?" he asked looking at Riza. She smiled and walked around him to help him with his coat. She hung it up on the peg and Roy dried his hair.

"Are you sure you want to hold off on the talking?" he questioned. "We can turn down the food. Marcie has a big dinner cooking at home. She's worried sick about you."

"Roy Mustang, I've never known you to turn down food. Especially when it's pizza," she said. "Besides, we both know that you can eat like a horse. One slice of pizza won't ruin your appetite."

Roy pulled her into his arms once more and kissed her. "Sorry," he said again, when he pulled away from the kiss.

"So am I," she said. "Now, come on if you don't want to hear Rebecca's banshee yell. She took the towel from him and they made their way into the kitchen. Maria and Rebecca were sitting on stools at the kitchen island, munching on pizza.

"Where do you want this?" Riza asked, holding up the towel.

"Just drape it over the chair beside you. I'll have to disinfect it to get the arrogance off it," Rebecca said. Now really wasn't the time to be teasing Roy, but she just couldn't make herself stop. It was like a drug. She believed that if she stopped she'd have withdrawal symptoms.

"Sit down and have some pizza you two," Maria said.

"Not sure if we should," Roy said, sitting down at the same time Riza did.

"Why is that?" Maria questioned.

"Rebecca's fleas might have gotten all over it."

"Just what are you implying by that?" Rebecca snapped.

"Its common sense really. Gorilla's have fleas right?" he said.

"Just who in the hell are you calling a Gorilla?"

"Go look in a mirror and you will find out," he said, picking up a slice of pizza and taking a bite.

"Riza! Did you hear what he called me! Me! Your best friend. Are you going to allow him to call me that?"

"Really you two. You are always fighting like cats and dogs," Maria said with a frustrated sigh.

"Roy, how many times have I told you not to call Rebecca a Gorilla? She's not a Gorilla."

"Ha! Thank you Riza!" she said and stuck her tongue out at Roy like a kindergartener.

"Banshee is a much better description," Riza said. Maria nearly choked on her drink at the comment. She started laughing. Roy's laughter joined hers but his was a bit more manic.

"Rebecca, Roy isn't arrogant. He just has a really really large ego to make up for his lack of work ethic."

Roy stopped laughing at that. Riza smiled and finished off the slice of pizza on her plate as Maria was the only one in the kitchen that was laughing.

"She got you two good!" Maria said.

"Humph…" Roy and Rebecca both said, causing her to laugh harder.

"Well I would rather have an ego than fle-" Roy was cut off when Riza shoved part of the slice of pizza on his plate in his mouth. He managed to chew, swallowed, and frowned at her.

"Why in the hell did you do that?" he questioned. There was no anger in his tone whatsoever.

"It's part of my retraining to protect you," she said.

"What does that have to do with protecting me?"

"I didn't want you attacked by a banshee," Riza replied, nonchalantly.

Roy and Riza didn't notice Maria and Rebecca watching them banter with each other. The two were truly amazed at how they could go from an argument to flirting (if that was what it was called when one was married) in the matter of a few hours. Both women truly envied Riza: not because it was Roy but because she had that stability in her life. Even though she'd been through so much, she still had him. He was sticking by her and not letting her go. Even Rebecca had to admire the man for that and be very thankful that he made her friend so happy.

Soon the rain stopped and Riza and Roy said their goodbyes after thanking them for the pizza. Riza hooked Hayate to his leash and stood straight.

"When are you coming back to work?" Rebecca asked, as she and Maria showed Roy and Riza to the door.

"I really don't know," Riza said. "Soon I hope. It gets boring around the house with only Hayate and Marcie. I miss working."

"We'll keep an eye on General Ego here until you decide to return," Rebecca replied.

"Don't know what good a Great Ape will do," he said.

Rebecca growled at him.

"See, she even growls," Roy stated, earning a slight elbow in the side from Riza.

"See you later," Riza said, taking Roy's hand and leading him away from the apartment. They made their way downstairs and out of the building.

Riza hugged herself as the wind hit her body. She cursed herself silently for forgetting to wear a coat. Then again, the weather conditions were the last thing on her mind as she left the house. Not a moment later, something warm covered her shoulders. She looked up and realized that Roy covered her arms with his own coat.

"What if you get cold?" she asked.

Roy pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "I won't as long as you are near me."

"Sweet talker; no wonder women worshipped the ground you walked on," she joked.

"I don't want a woman to worship me. I want a woman beside me and I got that with you. No more pushing me to the top Riza. All I want is a woman keeping me stable at the place I am now. I have that in you," he said, kissing her forehead yet again. The two began walking back to the house.

"Don't keep anything from me anymore," she said, deciding to bring up the entire issue that caused her to storm out of the house. "I want to hear if someone is or was targeting you."

"I just didn't want you to worry more than you already are. I didn't think you'd see it as a betrayal," he said.

"I am sorry for using that word. However, that's how I felt at that moment. We promised we'd share with each other and you were going back on that promise to me."

Roy hugged her. "I'll tell you everything after dinner," he said. "I promise that I will try to tell you everything from now on. If I don't, just confront me on it. I'll get it out," he said. "I expect you to do the same."

Riza nodded.

"Good. Now, why don't we start with what happened to your hand," he said.

She blushed and stopped walking, Roy stopping with her. "We owe grandfather a new mirror," she said in a low tone.

"You punched the mirror!" he exclaimed in shock. "Why in the hell did you do that?"

"It was as if I was possessed. I was looking at my reflection one minute and the next my fist was hitting the mirror. I just…I realized that Gregory took the easy way out. He wouldn't be punished for what he did. I have to stay here and suffer through what he did and how it scarred my life while he got away. My gaze went to this…" she said lifting her hand to touch the bite mark on her neck, "And I got ticked off. Roy, I wanted him to rot in prison. If it meant that the fact I got raped traveled all across the country, I wanted that bastard to suffer!" She walked over to a bench and sat down, pulling Roy's coat tighter around her. She looked down at her feet.

"I even contemplated if death would be better for me," she said. Roy's eyes widened and he walked over to sit beside her. Before he could say anything, she continued. "But I didn't want to be a coward like him. A coward that couldn't take responsibly for his or her own actions. A coward that couldn't take the cards that so-called fate handed them."

Roy was stunned. He put an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against them. He stayed quiet as he held her. The crickets around them were chirping, signifying that night was setting in.

"Gregory had a journal," Roy said suddenly, causing Riza's head to turn toward him.

"Journal?"

"Yes," Roy said. "I obviously haven't read it but it sounded like he wanted to be me. Holms came to him at the right time to bring me down."

"That explains what he said to me that night," she said, and shuttered. She didn't know if it was the cool air or the remembrance of her rape that caused the shutter to rush through her body like an electrical current.

"I truly don't know all the details at the moment. All I know is that he hated me for some reason. It… it's my fault that he came after you. Riza, if I hadn't married you then you would have been safe."

"But not happy," she said. "Besides, who says he wouldn't have come after me anyway."

"That's true," he said. "But…"

"No blame," she said. "Wasn't that we agreed on. Whatever Gregory did, he did out of his own volition. We never asked for it right?"

"Right, we never asked for it," he agreed. "Riza, there's a few other things I need to get out. I know I said I would wait until after dinner, but I think now that we are alone here with no interruptions I should tell you."

"All right," she said, trying to prepare herself for what he was about to speak.

"He was watching us," Roy said.

Her head shot up to look at him. "That wasn't the first night that he'd been in our house. He had videos, photographs, and weapons. He was planning on taking me out the first chance he got."

"Videos? Photographs?" she said, a lump gathering in her esophagus.

"Of you," he said. "Of us."

"Doing what?" she asked, feeling a bit nauseous as things ran through her head about what that bastard possibly saw.

"He had videos of you in the shower Riza. He had videos of us making love. I don't know if the cameras are still in our home but apparently he used the keys at the shack to get access to the house and then installed them for a bit."

"He saw me … us… doing all that?" she questioned. That revelation made her want to go take a shower. She suddenly felt so filthy. Like Gregory's eyes had soiled her body all the way down to the bone."

"Yes," Roy said, his voice cracking. He was trying to hide his anger over their privacy being disturbed in such a manner. Moreover, by a person that he thought he could trust.

"The investigations team are blocking off our house and doing a few searches. They found many pictures of us and our daily routines in his apartment. There was an agenda of when we left and came back. They found a half a burnt picture of me on some sort of religious shrine at his apartment. As I mentioned before there were lists of names that are being investigated. I have to go through them tomorrow to see if I know any of them. I am going to read that journal thoroughly tomorrow as well."

"I want to see it," she said. "I want to read it as well."

Roy looked at her hesitantly. "Are you sure about that? Riza, it might get pretty graphic," he said.

"I need to read what was in his head. I need to know why he did this. The full reason. I can't get it straight from his mouth, so reading that would be the next best thing."

Roy nodded. He didn't want Riza to be scarred by what she may read but if she said she needed it, then he would agree to it.

"What do you say we go home now? We can talk about this better when we both are rested up. It's been quite a day."

He stood and held out his hand. She took it and intertwined their fingers together, as they made their way back to Grumman's house.

* * *


	20. No Longer Haunted

**When One's World Is Shaken **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess **

**Chapter 19: No More Haunting**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA **

**Warning: Descriptions are vivid and Gregory's words are disturbing. Reader discretion is advised as it has been throughout the story.**

* * *

**No More Haunting**

As soon as Roy and Riza walked through the door, Marcie rushed out of the kitchen and engulfed Riza in a hug.

"Oh dear! I was worried sick!" she said.

"Sorry to worry you Marcie," Riza apologized

The old woman pulled away and smiled. "It's all right. All that matters is that you are safe. Now, come and eat some lovely hot food!" she said and walked back into the kitchen.

"She changes moods the quickest I've ever seen. How does she do that?" Roy asked.

"I've wondered that myself," Riza replied with a small laugh.

"I wonder if your grandfather is back yet."

"Yes he is! Now get your butts in here," Marcie yelled.

"That woman has incredible hearing," Roy said.

Riza merely nodded and the two made their way to the dining room.

--

Roy walked out of the bathroom after taking a hot shower and saw that Riza was sitting up in bed, with a book on her lap. However, her hazel gaze wasn't on the words of the book, but staring straight ahead, focusing on nothing in particular. He knew the only time she spaced out like this was when she was deep in thought.

"I thought you'd be asleep," he said, bringing her out of her musings. She shook her head as she closed her book, sat it on the nightstand beside her, and then rested her hands back on her lap.

"I had something to think about?" she said.

"That was?" he questioned.

"Can I go back to work?" she asked bluntly.

Roy's eyes widened at the question. She could go back to work anytime but it wasn't a question of physically being able to do so, but mentally. It was more of a question of should she return to work.

"Do you think you are ready? Is this just about the journal?"

"Partially because of the journal but mostly because I think I need to get back to my normal life as much as possible. I think going back to work would be a good way to do that."

Roy walked around to his side of the bed and crawled under the comforter. "If you really think you will be able to handle it."

"I won't know unless I try. I'll only come back if you are comfortable with me doing so. I don't want to inconvenience you in any way."

"Why don't we compromise?" he questioned.

"How?"

"Start you out with half a day and then increase it the more you feel comfortable. Baby steps so to speak," he said. "Maybe let Havoc deliver any paperwork that needs to be sent far across HQ. You can just stick to the main building until you are more comfortable."

"That's a good idea," Riza said. "I just don't want you to get too clingy. I want to be treated like a fellow officer and not just your wife, even though there were job modifications."

"All right, Lieutenant Hawkeye…no… wait I do believe it would be Lieutenant Mustang now, right?" he said with a smirk.

"Yes, I am no longer a Hawk," she said with a small laugh.

Suddenly Roy was reminded of the gifts that he got for her at the marketplace that day.

He got out of bed and walked to the table where the bag containing the items was located. "I almost forgot about these," he said, holding up the bag so she could see it.

"What are those?" she questioned.

He just grinned and walked back over and crawled back in bed.

"I got these for you at the Xingese marketplace when I went for Marcie."

"Riza took the bag and reached inside to pull out two sets of chopsticks.

"What are these for? You know I am useless with these things," she said.

Roy took them from her and grinned. "Those are for your chopstick lesson."

"Lesson?" she questioned.

"It's about time you learn to eat with them. So I am going to teach you. I thought it would be a fun and unique way to spend some time together."

Riza laughed. "Silly man," she said and reached into the bag to pull out a flat box. She opened it and smiled at the simple but beautiful Hawk charm on the gold chain.

"You like it?" he questioned.

Riza nodded. "It's wonderful."

"Open the others," he said.

"There are others?" she questioned, looking down in the bag. Sure enough, there were a few other items. She opened them all and loved each item. Finally, she gathered the boxes and sat them on the nightstand. She folded the silk scarves the boxes were wrapped in, and sat them on the nightstand as well. She got up on her knees and faced Roy.

"Thank you, I love them."

Roy returned her smile and nodded. "There are some really nice things we can get for the house at the market. If you want to go with a Xingese look inside as well. That's up to you."

"Xingese is the only way to go with that house," she said with a smile.

She crawled over and sat down closer to him. She leaned against his body as he wrapped his arm around her. After reaching over to turn off the lamp, they laid down under the covers. Riza moved her head to rest on his shoulder and quickly fell asleep. Roy laid there awake for the longest time just staring at her. Once again realizing how lucky he was and how beautiful she was, both inside and out.

--

"Are you sure?" Roy asked, as they got ready for work the next morning.

"I am sure," she said. "I have to do this."

"It's a big step Riza. I feel like you are taking this too lightly. After everything that happened yesterday, you should …"

"Roy, I want to go back to work. Please respect that decision," she said, tucking her shirt into her pants. He gazed at how the brown shirt clung to her curves and was extremely thankful that the jacket hid that body. She was much less curvy than she was before her raped but that didn't make her more or less attractive. It was a merely a small change in an ever-changing world.

"I do respect that," he said, walking over to her and putting his hands on each side of her waist. "I am just worried about you."

"I know," she said, "But you don't have to be. I am fine and ready to go back to work." Riza honestly didn't know how true that statement was but she wanted to reassure Roy that he didn't have to worry. Somewhere deep now, she knew that her reassurance would do little good.

"It's in my nature to worry about you. Ingrained deep within me." He rested his lips on top of hers and kissed her lightly, only closing his eyes slightly at the feather light position of his lips on hers. He pulled away and smiled at her.

"You have therapy today don't you?" she questioned.

Roy nodded. "Yes, at one o clock. I can cancel today if you need me at work."

"No, you can go. I don't need you." She then realized how that sounded. She was terrified that Roy might take that statement the wrong way. "What I meant was-" she started to explicate.

"I know what you meant Riza," he said, cutting her off mid sentence.

She smiled and pulled away from him.

"Let's go to work," she said.

After breakfast, Roy and Riza left the house and got into their car. Roy stuck the key in the ignition and turned to her. "You are sure?" he asked yet again, his eyebrows were furrowed and a look of concern was pasted on his face.

She looked at him, smiled softly, and nodded. She made no mention of the fact that this made the tenth time this morning that he asked her that question. "Roy, I am sure."

"All right," he said. "As long as you are sure."

Riza was starting to get annoyed and really starting to despise the word sure.

"Roy, for the last time. I am sure about this. No doubts that I am sure. I am the surest person in the world. Now if you don't start the car I am sure we are going to be late," she said, making it very clear through her tone that she was greatly annoyed.

"All right, sorry," he said and started the car.

--

Riza wouldn't admit it to Roy but her fear increased the closer they got to headquarters. More questions were flying in her head, asking her subconscious and consciousness repeatedly for answers that she didn't have anywhere in her body. Like always, she didn't know why she was thinking what she was. She had no clue why she was afraid when Gregory was now dead. Her two closest friends knew, so she didn't have to worry about them hating her, and the investigation team was a tight-lipped bunch. Riza knew people wouldn't be able to tell what had happened just by looking at her, but a small part of her brain kept insisting that they would. It was downright ridiculous. Emotions shouldn't be this jumbled.

It was almost as if her brain was divided into individually labeled territories. She saw one territory filled to the brim with all her fears, self-doubts, anxieties, and so on. It was as if they were at war with the other territories of her brain. As if they were trying to conqueror her morals, her standards, her loves. As if they were trying to kill both her work side of her personality and decimate the personal side of her life. It was as if they were trying to imprison her in her own life: Control something that she should be controlling.

It wouldn't happen anymore. She would confront that army and push them back into their own territory. She wouldn't be conquered and pushed around by some unwelcomed invaders.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to look at Roy. He was no longer driving and they were sitting in the parking lot at headquarters.

"You okay," he questioned.

"I was just thinking that this is the right thing if I want to conquer this invading army in my head."

Roy looked quite confused causing Riza to laugh. "It's not really important. Just a bunch of metaphors I have for what's happened and what I need to do. What I need to do for the rest of my life."

Roy lifted his hand and stroked her cheek. "And what is it you need to do?"

"Move on," she said. "There will be struggles for me but I . . . I can't let it stop me from enjoying the life I have. I can't let it hide how lucky I am to survive. How lucky I am to have you, my grandfather, Marcie, and my friends. I'll walk that path and try not to fall."

"I'll be there to walk beside you Riza and help you up if you do," Roy replied.

"I know," she said. "I'll never be able to show you how much I appreciate that."

"Just stay with me. That's more than enough," he said and leaned in to kiss her gently.

--

Riza held the notebook in her hand as she sat in Roy's office. They completed the paperwork required in a timely manner so that Roy could read the journal before he left for Dr. Lawson's office. Roy was on the couch beside her and frowning. He obviously didn't want her to read the things Gregory wrote. He waited for her to hand it back to him. No, that wasn't right. He _**wanted**_ her to hand it back to him.

He looked down at the notebook in her hands. It was the average spiral notebook that one could buy in any store in the world. It wasn't a journal when one thinks of the standard look of a journal. The front page of the book that would have had the brand name of the paper was torn off. There was a circular stain of some kind on the edges of the first few pages. His messy scrawl was scratched across the faded blue lines on the old paper. The metal spiral that bound the book was undone in the top five holes making it slightly difficult to turn.

"Riza are you sure you want to…" he stopped when she flipped the page and took a deep breath. Gregory's writing was only slightly worse than Roy's was so it wasn't that difficult to make out the words. The first few pages of the journal read like an autobiography written about Roy. With a few of Gregory's opinions thrown in. He was praising Roy for his accomplishments. It didn't seem like he hated him at all.

"Riza, I need to go to Dr. Lawson's office. Let me have the journal and you can finish it when I get back."

"I'll read it while you are gone," she said. "I've finished my work for the day and someone needs to be here to answer your phone."

"Riza, I don't think you should be alone when you read this," he said.

She turned to him and smiled softly upon seeing his worried expression.

"I think that may be exactly what I need," she said. She withheld the urge to touch him or kiss him in the slightest. It wasn't proper to do when both of them were in uniform. When he didn't look convinced she said, "I promise I will stay right here and lock the door. Nothing will happen; other than a few tears. I am sure."

"Those tears are what I am afraid of. I don't want you alone when you are going through that."

"Roy, I don't only cry when you are around. There have been plenty of tears when I've been on my own."

"I know but…" he stopped when he saw her resolute look. He knew there was no use arguing with her. He moved to kiss her forehead but she placed a hand on his lips.

"Not while we are in uniform," she said.

Roy pouted. "You still don't want to go by that do you? I thought you were kidding with that rule."

"No, I wasn't," she said, standing and going around to sit in the chair behind his desk. "You don't want to miss your appointment."

"Someday I am going to convince you to make out in this office," he said before he thought better of it. He started to apologize to her but didn't when he saw the small smile on her face.

"When hell freezes over," she replied.

"Humm…" Roy said. "I'll have to find a way to do that with alchemy. If there is a hell that is. The verdict is still out on that one"

She smiled. "You have an appointment to keep," she said.

"I'm going, I'm going," he said and left the room, locking the door right before he shut it. She shook her head and took a deep breath before returning her gaze to the journal.

--

Roy told Doctor Lawson about the events that happened since the last time he saw her, and found himself feeling much lighter after getting them off his chest. He confessed that he was worried about doing and saying everything wrong and his worry that he might smother Riza or push her away. Doctor Lawson smiled after he finished talking and said some words that he wasn't expecting.

"The recovery is coming along really well," she said.

"What? Did you just hear about all the things that went on yesterday? No, that went on during the last few days?"

"Yes, I did. I confess that the shooting and the fact that the rapist killed himself is less than normal happenings, but I was talking about Riza's feelings. The way she's acting is going along with the process of recovery. Tell me, have you seen much of a change in her since the first week and now?"

Roy thought about it. Riza had changed significantly. She was becoming slightly more comfortable in her skin again. She was a bit more affectionate and tended to tense up a lot less when they went out. That day he was shot, she walked to the hospital on her own, and earlier today she'd actually walked over to the law building instead of letting Havoc do it.

"I have," he said finally. She's doing a lot more things than she used to. She's taking control of what she used to do all the time at work. I mean, she still has those times when she thinks about it. I know it's only been a few weeks and that can be expected, but she's recovering well. But…"

"But… you are worried about something?"

"Isn't it too soon?" he questioned. "I am worried that's it's too soon. I am worried that she's making herself do this because of me. Because I am worried for her. I am afraid that she's not really recovered. That she's acting so I won't worry."

"I don't think it's too soon and she's probably not fully recovered. One never becomes fully recovered. The difference I see in Riza and other victims that I counsel is the fact that Riza has a lot of support. More than I see most people having. She has people that love her and are there to lift her up. That is very important. She also had a mental standpoint that made recovery much easier. The fact that she's realistic and good at logic has helped her exponentially. The recovery of a person with that and a person without it will vary. I've had victims that resume their everyday lives and are living well within two weeks and there are others that have been struggling with it from six months to a year. It all varies depending on numerous circumstances. Just continue to be there for her and she will recover fine."

Roy nodded. "I will."

"I will speak with Riza tomorrow during her session. Depending on how that goes, I may make a suggestion about the two of you coming in together for a joint session. I think that will be very good for the both of you. Would you be willing if your wife is?"

"Yes," Roy said. "As long as Riza is comfortable with it, I will be."

"All right then," Doctor Lawson said.

--

Riza was no reading in the middle of the journal. She felt like her stomach had flipped, and was tied in knots. There were chill bumps along her upper arms as she read the vindictive and jealous words on the page. She wanted to vomit as her eyes lingered across the page at each and every syllable of written poison that came to her notice. Gregory spoke about how Roy had everything he deserved. How fate completely fucked him over and gave him a life that wasn't fit for a dog.

He was calling Roy an arrogant bastard, an undeserving asshole, and a few other names that she couldn't make out. Just from the thickness of the ink and the smudges, she could tell that they were words that she would never want to utter anyway.

As she turned the page, something slid off it and fell on her lap. She sat the notebook down and picked up the item. She narrowed her eyes and cursed Gregory. How did he get this picture? He had to have gotten extremely close to accomplish it.

She stared down at the picture and her stomach twisted once again. She felt like her throat was clogged with cotton and her lungs were filled. She was disgusted. Not at what was in the picture but the fact that Gregory had this. The fact that he had the same thing on camera, in live action, so to speak. He had no right to see them in such a position. He had no right to pictures of her on her husband, making love to him. Her head was tilted back in pleasure and Roy's hands were cupping her breasts, his face mirroring the look of her own.

He had no right to watch such beautiful and intimate actions! Her emotions were right between disgust and anger. Since when did scumbags like him ever give a damn about someone's rights? She wadded the picture up and gripped it tightly in her fist. Roy told her that he had things like this, but actually seeing one he possessed with her own eyes was an entirely different matter. Riza didn't think she had ever been so furious.

She threw the wadded up picture on his desk and grabbed the book, continuing to read and her anger increasing . . . until it got to the part about her rape. He'd written an entire page on what he did to her while she was unconscious as soon as her eyes drifted to that, tears began to flow. She made herself continue with the journal. She read aloud in a low voice. As she read, she didn't find herself being disgusted with herself or with what happened but with what kind of monster that Gregory was proving himself to be. Her anger increased more and more as she read on. She didn't know why but she just couldn't stop. It was as if her body was forcing her eyes to gaze over his words and her lips to utter them in a low tone.

"I fucked her…I fucked Riza Mustang, I got a small taste of what Roy Mustang gets every night. What the fucker doesn't deserve. Riza's what I deserve. I regret knocking her out but she wasn't being very cooperative to her future lover. I'll have her again and again someday, next time I won't stop, and she'll be begging me to do her over and over again. I'll have her again as soon as I find out where she is. Oh, I'll find the little bitch. The best part about all of this is that I got to Roy Mustang. I showed him that his world isn't perfect and he can't have everything. He can't keep that hot little bitch to himself any longer. She was mine for that time, every part of her! Mustang will be shamed for having a wife that was-"

Riza couldn't read anymore. She growled and then screamed. "THAT FUCKING SON OF A BITCH DIDN'T GET ME! HE GOT AN UNCONSCIOUS AND UNWILLING WOMAN!" She stood up and with every ounce of power in her body; she threw the book against the wall. It hit a picture and caused it to fall and the glass inside to shatter. She sat back down in Roy's chair and took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Her heart felt as if she ran a hundred miles and her face was coated with sweat. Her hands were red from clutching the notebook so hard and her cheeks were flushed.

She tensed, expecting someone to come knocking on the door in response to the loud noise. When no one did, she relaxed slightly. The last thing she wanted was to have to explain why she threw something at the wall. Riza was known for her control of emotions and didn't want that reputation to change.

She leaned back in Roy's chair and moved her legs up in it, bringing her knees to her chest. Gregory wanted to put chaos in Roy's life and he'd succeeded . . . for a while. What she read made her more determined to banish all traces of Gregory out of her head and life. He never had her; he never had her heart and not even her body. She realized that while he did do all those things to her that he never really had it because she gave nothing willingly. He took it all and that meant he never truly succeeded in gaining anything.

She looked up quickly when she heard the door unlock.

"Riza, I'm coming in," she heard Roy's voice speak. The door swung open and Roy entered, shutting it behind him. He noticed the way she was sitting and looked at her worriedly. She stood and walked over to him. She stared into his eyes, her gaze filled with resolution. "He's not going to haunt my life anymore. He's not going to haunt us."

"Damn right," Roy said with a smile.

* * *

**AN: It was very difficult for me to write a scumbag like Gregory and very taxing on my emotions. Just rereading what I wrote made me sick to my stomach so I guess I conveyed what an asshole he was. It actually scared me to write the words that he wrote. When I write I try to get into the mind of every character and it was disgusting and terrifying to get into his line of thoughts. I don't think a character like him will be anything that I write very often. **


	21. Final Step

**When One's World is Shaken**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Chapter 20: Final Step **

**AN:M rated scenes are in this chapter.  
**

**Note: Though Roy does have his eye patch, I use the plural form of eyes since she's staring in that direction and would be staring at the eye patch. **

* * *

**Final Step**

Roy and Riza were sitting on the couch in Doctor Lawson's office as the woman smiled at them.

"You two have made wonderful progress through the past six months," she said. "So much so that I don't think you will need my services any longer."

"These past view months certainly weren't easy," Riza said, as she held Roy's hand and squeezed it. She was overjoyed that the sessions were coming to an end, despite being very thankful to Doctor Lawson. In the past six months, her life had gotten back on track. She and Roy had fixed their beautiful new house into a home. She could walk around the city and actually not cringe at every person that walked by. Not to say that she was completely at ease, but she was much better than she had been directly after her rape.

She still felt a bit fearful when she saw a security guard uniform and still had the flashbacks when she spotted one. The memory of that night still hit her once in a while when she walked into the kitchen but it didn't completely stall her. She took a deep breath and repeated in her head that it was over and that he was long gone.

It took a short while for her to get back to shooting but when she did, she was as good as always. How to shoot was something she would never forget. She loved it too much to give it up for long.

Roy finally stopped being so clingy and he stopped questioning if she was all right every hour. She could tell that he still carried a bit of unwarranted guilt inside him but no amount of therapy or words from her could alleviate that. She even carried some of the guilt for failing to fight more but once again, it was a small part that couldn't be palliated.

A few days after she read Gregory's journal she finally found out what Phillip had wanted to tell Roy. It was to warn him about Gregory's suspicious behavior. When he'd gotten to them in the park, it had been far too late. Apparently, Gregory had been watching the house for their return. When the investigations team went through the house, they used electronic devices to detect the hidden cameras. Gregory had been ingenious about where he hid the cameras. No one would have been able to spot them without technical assistance.

"I have to say, that I am glad about that. No offense," Roy said, bringing Riza out of her musings of the past.

"None taken," she said with a smile. "It was a pleasure meeting both of you." They stood and shook hands with Doctor Lawson.

"Thank you so much. If it weren't for you I don't know where we would be," Riza said.

"I am happy to hear that," the doctor replied. "Do not hesitate to call me if you need help with anything."

"We will keep that in mind. Tell me, do you do therapy for people who are chronically lazy?" Riza questioned.

"I can, why?"

"We may send you a few of our subordinates and Roy may be returning as well," Riza said.

"Hey!" he said.

Doctor Lawson laughed. "You two are going to be fine."

"Yeah," Roy said, putting an arm around Riza's shoulders and walking out of the office with her.

--

Riza and Roy drove back to work and spent the rest of the day there. It was the typical day of paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. Riza walked inside and plopped the final stack of the day on the right hand corner of his desk.

"Just this one left and then we can go home," she said.

Roy eyed the stack and glared at the manila folders. "Can't this wait until tomorrow morning?"

"No," she said. "If we wait on this stack then there will be more to do tomorrow and we will have to put a stack off then, and so on. It's just paperwork general. It's not like the entire world is going to stop if you actually take a bit of time to finish it."

He looked at her seriously. "Are you sure about that?"

"Sir," she said, with a frustrated sigh.

He grinned at her and picked up his pen. "All right, I will finish them," he said.

She smiled. "What do you want for dinner tonight?" she asked.

"Anything will be fine," he said, his gaze focused on his paperwork as he hurried through it. He skimmed the words along the pages and signing in the places where he knew his signature was necessary. When one went through so many papers that were basically the same things, it tended to become instinctive.

"Anything in particular you'd like for desert?" she questioned, knowing desert was Roy's favorite part of dinner.

"Not really," he said, grabbing another file and working his way through it quickly.

She smiled softly. "I'll be waiting out here with Hayate."

"All right," he said and grabbed yet another file.

She walked out into the main office and went over to sit on the couch that was situated against the wall. Hayate leaped upon the couch to lie down and rest his head on her lap. She stroked him behind the ears causing him to drift off into a nap, which would no doubt be disturbed in a few more minutes.

She ran through what she could fix for dinner. She had a small smile on her face over having the domestic thought. She treasured that she was still alive and able to take care of her husband the way that she wanted. As a wife should.

She looked down at her lap and frowned. Well, almost. They hadn't made love since the rape, but had come close to it several times. She knew that it was hard on Roy. Hell, it was tough on her! She'd always enjoyed making love with her husband and he was very very very gifted at it.

"You ready?" a voice questioned. She looked up to see Roy standing there at the door to his office and staring at her strangely. She stared at him for a moment before registering what he said.

"Oh, yes," she said, nudging Hayate off her lap. The dog growled slightly before jumping down off the couch. Riza walked over to the coat rack.

"Were you having a flashback?" Roy asked with concern, as he closed and locked the door to his office. He walked over to stand next to Riza. She handed him his coat and he slipped it on.

"No, I was just thinking about something. We need to stop by the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner. How about steak and potatoes. Then cheesecake for desert?"

Roy grinned and took her hand. "Sounds good to me," he said. "Especially the cheesecake."

"I figured as much. You've always had such a sweet tooth."

"Especially for cheesecake," he said, causing her to laugh.

--

After dinner that night, they walked into the living room to sit down and enjoy each other's company. Roy sat down on the couch and pulled Riza down to rest with him. She snuggled against him as he took a fleece throw and covered them with it. Roy ran his hand up and down her upper arm causing her to shiver slightly at the sensation of the light tickle against her skin. She leaned her head back against his chest to look at his face and smiled. He moved his head down to kiss her awkwardly. He pulled away and kissed her forehead before lifting his head and turning his gaze to the fire. She felt his hand move behind her to encircle her around the waist.

She took his hand and played with the knuckles and his fingers, running her own fingers along the digits. Unlike her hands, which were rough from handling guns on an everyday basis, his hands were smooth from where he wore the gloves all the time. The only thing rough about them were the ends of his fingers. As a result of him snapping while wearing the gloves, they had become rough and more used to the treatment bestowed on them every day when he practiced alchemy. She took a deep breath, taking in the smell of his cologne. It had become a habit of hers that she had no desire of breaking anytime soon. She wanted to get closer to him, to take in more of that smell that she loved so much: More of the comforting embraced that she adored.

She moved to sit on his lap. Riza could tell by the look on his face that Roy was extremely surprised at her actions. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him, taking another deep breath as she did so. Before she knew what she was doing, she kissed him behind the ear. She knew that was a soft spot for Roy, and instantly felt guilty for the brush of her lips there. Before Roy could register what she'd done, she got off his lap.

"I need to take a shower," she said, and hurriedly left the room before Roy could say a word. She rushed upstairs to their bedroom and shut the door behind her. She stomped her foot once and growled. She stalked over to the bed and sat down roughly. She wanted to make love with Roy. When she'd moved in his lap downstairs she got that small tingle in her stomach, her skin had developed chill bumps, and that familiar emotion she felt when she gazed at her husband lingered inside her being. Her heart was beating rapidly.

She felt like a complete idiot for running off like that. It was just that she didn't know how to go about telling him what she wanted and also doubts had drifted inside her again. What if he didn't want her? She washed that from her mind. Roy loved her and she knew that he missed their sexual encounters as much as she did. The thing that bothered her most was that he'd never tried any sexual advances toward her. She guessed he thought that doing so would scare her. She sighed. She honestly didn't know how she was going to react. All she knew was that she wanted to try at least. She wanted every part of her marriage back.

She pushed away her doubts and stood. She walked over to the closet and tried to find the gift that Maria and Rebecca had given her six months ago. She had a clue what was in it and at the time she knew that if she was right, opening it would only make her feel horrible. Now, it might be just the thing to help her with tonight's goal.

Riza found the gift and walked over to the bed. She sat down and opened the package. Sure enough, it was exactly what she expected it to be, beautiful lingerie. She lifted up the short, royal blue silk nightgown, and smiled. She honestly was expecting Rebecca to go too far and end up buying a corset and something embarrassing, like a whip of some kind, or handcuffs. Just as a joke of course. Riza had to say that she was more pleased with what they did buy. She laid the elegant nightgown on the bed and picked up a beautiful, sheer silver robe from the box that went over it. To her surprise, there was a flat black box sitting in the bigger box as well. She picked it up and opened it to see a golden chain that twisted like the ropes on the military uniforms.

Riza stared at the entire package and laughed when it hit her that the lingerie and items were the same color as the uniforms. Roy always talked about miniskirts and she'd told Rebecca and Maria about it. She couldn't help but think that Rebecca they had that in mind when they picked this out. She started to discard the box when she spotted something else blue and white under a bit of the tissue paper that lined it. She moved the paper out of the way and spotted a tiny fluffy white and blue dress with a ruffled bonnet. It was the most adorable thing Riza had ever laid eyes on. She picked up the small piece of paper that rested on top of it. Opening it, she began to read.

Maybe we should have given this to you during your bridal shower but figured that you may find it more useful later in your marriage. As for the little dress, we have no doubts that when you have your first child it will be a girl. Men like Roy always have girls. Plus, a little girl is our bet in the office pool and we want to send out female baby karma. We spotted this little dress and couldn't resist getting it for you.

With love,

Maria and Rebecca.

P.S. If you wear this enough then Roy might forget the miniskirt plan. Don't let us down!"

Riza laughed. She then covered the small little outfit with the tissue paper and put the note back on top of it. She put the lid back on the box and stood, putting the box back into the closet. She then walked over to her dresser and took a deep breath. It was now or never. She grabbed her honeysuckle soap, shampoo, perfume, and lotion, then made her way into the bathroom. She came back out and retrieved the clothes before going back into the bathroom and locking the door.

--

Roy was worried when Riza left the room so quickly. She seemed upset about something. She had a right, of course, to think about things and not tell him; he just hoped it wasn't the rape that was plaguing her mind. He knew that she would think about that on occasion and he had a right to worry about her when she did so. Then she went and made the move she just did. At that time, he didn't think she meant it as anything sexual but when she rushed out with a slight blush on her face, it made him wonder. They'd had really passionate make out sessions, but he'd always backed away from her during those times when she tensed up or they got a bit too hot. He wanted her to tell him when she was ready to go that extra step. He wouldn't deny it for a moment that he missed the sex, but as long as he had her, he could do without.

He stood and walked over to the bookshelf to retrieve a book. He would give her some space before going up to bed and finish off the novel he'd been reading for a while. Soon, he focused his gaze on the words and that was all that was focused on them. His mind just wasn't absorbing the tale written on the pages of the six by eight inch book. He wondered if Riza was all right. He growled. She was upstairs taking a shower. She would be just fine. He narrowed his eye and tried to focus on his reading much more. After an hour of being unsuccessful at maintaining his focus on the goal of novel completion, he sat the book on the table beside him. He stood and made his way upstairs, Riza was probably in bed by now. He would take a shower and then get some sleep as well.

He walked into the bedroom just as Riza was coming out of the bathroom. He froze in his tracks at seeing how beautiful she looked. He didn't remember ever seeing the nightgown she was wearing before, but it was certainly a pleasant sight to see. The nightgown fell to mid thigh and the color complemented her beautifully. The slinky fabric clung to her restored curves, and the sheer, silver robe highlighted the fabric and her skin even more. Soon his gaze rested on her face, which displayed her surprise extremely clearly. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was still damp.

She looked down at the floor shyly. "You weren't supposed to come in here. I was supposed to come to you."

A confused look appeared on Roy's features. What in the hell did she mean by that?

She raised her head and stared into his eyes. "I look like a drowned rat at the moment," she said with a chuckle. "But I guess I will have to deal with the cards fate deals."

Roy was even more confused. "Riza, I don't understand."

"I …was going to…seduce you actually. I mean you never made a move so I figured that I should since I really want you to make love to me."

She laughed bitterly. "Then you see me looking like this and I bet that you want to run awa-"she was cut off when Roy walked to her and kissed her passionately, cupping her face in his hands. She groaned as his tongue passed her lips and touched hers. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she responded to his kiss as she groaned once again.

He pulled away and stared into her eyes, communicating wordlessly with her. He was asking her if she was sure; if she was completely secure with him touching her in the ways that he was about to do. She smiled and moved one arm from around his neck to rest her hand on his cheek stroking it with her thumb, conveying her assurance through that hazel gaze of hers. The gaze that was showing her love and trust in him. His hands moved to rest on her hips and he smirked gently at her, kissing her softly for a short moment, then brushing her lips again. She tried to make the kiss longer but he'd pull away from her, causing a frown to appear on red lips.

She reached up and started to unbutton his shirt. When she got to the last button, she pulled it from his pants and he shrugged it off. She un-tucked the undershirt and he took it off as well, leaving her face to face with his chest. Every time she saw him shirtless, she had to make sure that she wasn't staring and drooling over that killer body he possessed.

He'd continued working out after they'd left her grandfather's place and it was definitely showing. She stared at it a bit before she realized what she was doing and turned away with a blush gracing her features. She felt like a virgin on her wedding night. No, she was a virgin on her wedding night and she hadn't been as shy as she was at the moment.

She honestly felt that she was having sex with him for the first time. In a way, she was a second time around virgin. It was her first time in this new world that she was coping with. A world that had forever been changed by a sick bastard. She suddenly banished the incident from her head. She wanted her husband and wanted him to have her. Every single part that she had to give to him.

She reached down for his belt and undid the buckle. As she did so, she lifted her lips to kiss him. Roy finished unzipping his pants, letting them fall to his bare feet. He stepped out of them, his lips never leaving hers as he added the slightest pressure to the kiss. He took her hands and moved them away from his body. She pulled away from the kiss to look at him quizzically.

He released her hands and moved his hands up to her shoulders. He slowly slid the robe off her shoulders. It slid down her arms creating a slight tickling sensation as they slinked down her arms to fall into the floor.

"That's better," he said and wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her against him. She looked up into his eyes for a moment before he kissed her and she found herself being lifted bridal style and carried over to the bed. He broke the kiss to lay her down on the black, satin covered cotton mattress. He started to stand straight but she pulled him down on her and he hand to crawl over her in a rather awkward manner. He stared her in the eyes and grinned.

"You're sure?" he questioned.

She nodded. "I wouldn't have gone this far if I wasn't," she said.

He lowered his lips to kiss her cheek and then let his lips trail gently down her neck. When they got where the faded scar was, he felt her tense up intensely. He quickly pulled away to see her with her eyes closed tightly and she was taking deep breaths. "Riza? We can stop if you want," he said, starting to crawl off her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, keeping him from doing so. He stayed there, his arms on either side of her, watching her. Finally, she opened her them and smiled.

"Don't stop," she said.

Roy was hesitant to continue now that she displayed that she may not be ready for this.

"Riza maybe we shouldn't."

Riza's heart dropped. So he really didn't want to make love to her. She guessed that Gregory had done much more damage than she thought possible. Because of a fucking flashback, Roy didn't want to continue.

She nodded and pushed him off her, tears coming to her eyes. "I understand," she said, sitting up. Her confidence started to take a nosedive and all her doubts started rearming for another hostile takeover of her mind.

Roy looked confused.

"You understand what?"

"That you don't want me," she said, looking down at the sheets under her. Roy never thought she looked more beautiful. Her naked body was contrasting against the darkness of the bedding, her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were a beautiful red. The only part that he didn't think was beautiful was the look of pain that she had on her face.

"I do want you Riza," he said. "I don't know why you'd think I don't. I just don't want you to do this until you are absolutely sure about it. Until you don't have any flashbacks that will cause you trauma. This is supposed to be something you enjoy; not something that disturbs you."

Riza crawled over to him and hugged him. "I want you Roy. These flashbacks are going to come, there's no stopping them but if we let them stop us then Gregory's won."

Roy nodded and slowly lowered Riza onto her back, her head resting on the huge soft pillows that covered the head of their bed. He brushed her forehead with a kiss and then moved down to kiss her nose. He pulled away and grinned at her mischievously. He slowly lowered his lips to kiss the corner of her mouth.

"A sugar kiss," he said with a full smile when he pulled away. This caused her to smile beautifully, causing Roy's heart to soar. A smile like that coming from her was like someone looking for years for a buried treasure and finally finding it. His hands grabbed the bottom of the nightgown and began sliding it up her body. She sat up as he slipped it over her head, revealing her beautiful body. She watched as Roy discarded his boxers and then wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him down on her body, and wrapping her legs around his waist once again.

Roy lowered his lips to her neck cautiously and began kissing down the length once again. He expected her to tense up once more but instead he was greeted with little moans and whimpers of pleasure. God, how he missed hearing those sounds pass her lips.

His right hand trailed between them to cup one of her breasts as his lips moved to her shoulder. She tensed up slightly and he lifted his lips to her ear. "It's me Riza. It's Roy. I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered and kissed her earlobe, then spoke once again "It's me."

He felt her relax and he squeezed her breast causing her to moan his name and arch her back beautifully. He smiled and lowered his lips to nip at her collarbone.

"Roy, I need you. Please Roy," she moaned quietly. He looked up at her face to see her head leaned back and her eyes shut tightly. He'd wanted to take things slow and show her just how precious she was to him. But, by the look on her face, he knew that he would have to do that later.

He moved fully on top of her and trailed his tongue along her lightly parted lips, dipping it in her mouth on occasion. "Roy," she groaned again.

"Open your eyes, love," he said. She opened them and gazed at him with that gorgeous combination of lust and love that she always held when they made love. He kissed her softly and whispered that he loved her several times. Her hands wrapped around his shoulders as he positioned himself to entered her body.

With one gentle push, she engulfed his manhood and he buried his face in her neck and groaned with pleasure. He rested there for a moment, taking in the fact that she felt so damn good surrounding him, engulfing his body in her tight heat. She was his to make love to, his to love with all his heart, and only his. He would treasure her for the rest of his life. He finally pushed himself up on his forearms to stare at her.

"If you get scared you tell me and I'll stop, all right?" he asked, reaching his hand up to move the bangs away from her eyes.

Riza smirked at him and suddenly Roy found himself pinned on his back. She leaned down to brush her lips with his, before sitting up. She was a bit uneasy making love like this after seeing all the pictures Gregory took but she enjoyed this position. She enjoyed watching him as she moved on his body. He grinned at her and placed his hands at her hips. They began making love to each other like it was their first time. Soon both came, calling each other's name aloud.

After a few minutes, he heard a small laugh. He managed to raise his head and rested his chin on his wife's collarbone. She had tears coming from her eyes and a gorgeous smile on her face as she stared at him. She ran her hand through his hair.

"I love you," he said, overwhelmed by the look of complete adoration that Riza gave him.

"I love you too," she replied then laughed again. She started to sit up and Roy groaned at the fact that he too would have to do so. He had been extremely comfortable in his previous position. When he sat up, he found himself knocked on his back by a crying and laughing Riza.

"What is it? What's wrong? Why are you laughing," he said.

"I have everything in my marriage back. Every single solitary thing!"

Roy grinned at her, kissed her, and lifted the soft, warm comforter over them. Final step, complete.

* * *

**AN: Move on to the Epilogue.**


	22. Epilogue: Forever Unbreakable

**When One's World is Shaken**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Epilogue: Forever Unbreakable  
**

* * *

**Forever Unbreakable**

**A month later…**

Riza stood at the stove cooking breakfast when she felt two strong arms wrap around her waist and a kiss being placed on her neck, then her shoulder. She didn't tense up in the slightest at the action. After a moment, she felt those same lips at her ear and heard them whisper very pleasurable words to her.

"Good morning Mrs. Mustang," the dark velvety voice said. She smiled softly at hearing the words that never ceased to make her heart soar. She would always be Mrs. Riza Mustang, the wife of the person that she cared about more than anything in this world. She was his and he was hers forever and nothing or no one would ever change that.

She cut off the stove and turned toward her husband to place a kiss on his lips.

"Roy, let's go back to bed," she said.

"So you want to sleep in today huh? What would the office think about Riza Mustang skipping work to sleep in?"

"No work today. Remember?"

"Oh yeah, holiday. I forgot," he said with a grin.

"Besides, who said anything about sleeping?" she said, trailing her hands up his chest slowly and then wrapped her arms around his neck.

He grinned and lifted her up into his arms. He carried her back to the bedroom and deposited her underneath the covers. He bent to kiss her and crawled on top of her. Between each kiss, he whispered that he loved her.

Afterward, as he held her close to him, she felt whole, completely loved, but not completely safe. She wouldn't hold the illusion that she was. She knew that with anything in his power, he would always be there to protect her, but the world wasn't perfect. She turned to snuggle up to his warm body and took a deep breath.

She longed to feel loved and protected and she did have that but knew that it could be taken away. As Roy always said, the world wasn't perfect. It was imperfect and that was what made it so damn beautiful. While what happened to her was far from beautiful, in the end their bond with each other was even stronger. She grinned, let her hand trail down to her stomach, and smiled at the life growing within her. Their bond would be forever unbreakable.

**END**

* * *

**AN: I really don't know what to say about this story. As I end it I have tears in my eyes. This story has been an emotional roller coaster. I tend to feel what I write which probably sounds odd to those that don't write as often as I do. I really keep in touch with my characters so when their story goes a certain direction I feel as if a part of my life goes with them. I hope you have learned about the seriousness of sexual assault so that you will get rid of the preconceived notions and horrible stigma that society gives the victims. **

**  
Thank you to the person that requested this. It has been a honor to write something that has touched my heart so much. **

**Much Love to you all, **

** MSD**


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